Hello, this is a huge step for me, but a healing one I hope. My first memories from about age 2 are of being sexually violated. I have information that leads me to believe it was happening before. I was raised by parents who were alcoholics and were to sick themselves to provide for my needs-even the most basic needs of food and safety. Sometimes things were better than others which I think made it even harder to cope with. As a child, I never knew what to expect. I was physically and sexually abused by more people and on more occasions than I can count.
Despite years of emotional distress as an adult, I stayed silent and continued to tell myself that my past wasn't a big deal and didn't impact my present life. Five years ago, I finally confided in a friend who informed me that what my husband of 10 years (at that time) was doing was raping me on a regular basis. After a short period of shock/denial, I set a boundary and told him to leave. Less than a week later, I found out that he'd been molesting my son. This was definitely a breaking point for me and the moment that I realized my past was haunting me and had put me into a horrible cycle of continued abuse.
I've been in counseling for 4 years and have made some progress. My biggest hindrance is finding my voice and talking about the abuse. I believe that I am becoming so stressed by just trying to talk about it that I begin to disassociate. I hope to gain some clarity on this from this forum. I need to find my voice.
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Despite years of emotional distress as an adult, I stayed silent and continued to tell myself that my past wasn't a big deal and didn't impact my present life. Five years ago, I finally confided in a friend who informed me that what my husband of 10 years (at that time) was doing was raping me on a regular basis. After a short period of shock/denial, I set a boundary and told him to leave. Less than a week later, I found out that he'd been molesting my son. This was definitely a breaking point for me and the moment that I realized my past was haunting me and had put me into a horrible cycle of continued abuse.
I've been in counseling for 4 years and have made some progress. My biggest hindrance is finding my voice and talking about the abuse. I believe that I am becoming so stressed by just trying to talk about it that I begin to disassociate. I hope to gain some clarity on this from this forum. I need to find my voice.
<edited for full line paragraph breaks by Deaf Global Nomad>
