Relationship Child's Bio Father Won't Leave Me Alone :(

[scaredybutt]

My child's father was very abusive to me when we were together. It wasn't physical, all very manipulative, controlling, and possessive. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I wasn't allowed to have friends or see much of my family.

I left him 2 to 3 years ago and we had a child before I left. Our child is 3 now and he has rights to see the child. I have sole legal and physical custody. I am now remarried to very good person and am very happy with him. But my child's father can not stop meddling in my life. He goes out of his way to speak to my friends and family and even has sex with some of my friends just to tell me about it. I am trying to get a restraining order against him because he has threatened my husband in front of our child, called me screaming how I should be "raped" or "murdered", he constantly abandons our child, sends disturbing e-mails, used to constantly call and text me, harasses me to get back together, and much more. He is able to constantly pull all of this off just to be right under the authorities radar. He is a master manipulator and no matter what I do, I feel I am forced to live in fear for the rest of my life. When I left him he told me I HAD to have sex with him or he would ruin the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I have to see him in order for him to see our child and I am constantly shaking in fear. Anytime my phone rings now I shake because I am so scared or if I receive a new e-mail I'm terrified it's from him. I wish he would just be a father and stop trying to hurt me. He uses our child to relay messages to me now and my baby is only 4 :(. It's so sad, I wish the courts would help me. I feel so lost and am beginning to to hate being myself.

 

[LizardViolet]

I am not an attorney or anything, but this all sounds like you need to document, document, document, get a good lawyer, get sole custody (if he constantly abandons your kid, those are some excellent grounds right there), and get a restraining order. And possibly change your email, change your phone number, maybe even move. This guy sounds like a psychopath and you don't need him in your life or the life of your child. Get help!

 

[Pale Warrior]

As LV says, you MUST document every time he does something. I guess you are calling the police when he abandons your child? That in itself is a very serious charge and you must call the law, he is endangering your child's life.

Keep copies of all texts and emails, print the emails too if you can. Get a recorder and record his threats. Play them to the police. Keep a diary of his harrassment, dates and times. Use your mobile phone to photograph him if he comes near you, just before you call the police.

He will stop or get locked up. You just need the evidence to prove what he is doing.

My friend had to change all her numbers but kept a special "contact" phone for calls about her son. The dad would text or leave a voicemail so she never had to speak to him.

In the uk, an abusive parent can have access but only at a family centre where they are supervised at all times. You would drop your child with the social worker and leave, he comes, has the contact hour and leaves. So when you pick up your child he is gone.

Best of luck, x

 

[Eleanor]

LV and PW are exactly right. My only addition is, depending on the state that you live in and the nature of his visitation - can you move?