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I only just began rethinking my attitude on this recently. For most of my adult life I've placed too much responsibility on my mothers shoulders for everything. Seeing my own children do it to me, took the blinders off finally. (funny how selfish that sounds, even to me) I've come to see...

Yep. One the first things I learned about basic survival. DO NOT SHOW YOUR REAL FEELINGS. By 7 I could switch my moods on or off light a light switch. By 10 I knew how to fake tears like an actress. By 14 id switched the tears off for good. I've pretended for so long now that most the time...

Like someone ran me over with a semi truck, backed up onto me, spun the wheels on my chest while holding the break down for a minute and then sped off spitting me out in pieces. Some days. Others. Like they came back and spat on me for fun after.

This to me is one of those 'much bigger picture' deals. I agree with all those saying its unfair he makes you feel this way, but wonder (from personal experience not anything thats come from you) if perhaps you also make yourself feel this way to an extent. I've been where you are. For over...

Welcome :) I'm sorry the circumstances are so bad, but stick around because you'll be amazed at the things you will uncover about yourself while talking it out here with people who've walked your path and felt your desperation.

Ohh @Mal Content, David Suzuki and Noam Chomsky, and Ghandi and and. Well, you've named them all ahah. Except Che Guavera. That smelly man was someone to admire also I think. And my Grandfather. He was a man on another level of manliness. Poor chap rescued my insane, illogical and shit of a...

Happy Birthday to your angel <3 I struggled with this also, in respect to my children's father who's been absent from their lives now for almost 2 years. In many ways id become his mother, care giver over the 15 years we were together. Thats not a bond easily broken, no matter the pain he...

@Malaenis go easy on yourself too in all this. Mummy guilt is the WORST guilt known to humankind, and 9/10 its unfounded. I agree with the comment above in so far as our kids are little sponges, feeding off our energy. Its ok to take time for you. Walking away when it becomes too much is...

Oops. I am one of those non readering all the posts types mentioned above. Sorry @lostforgottensoul, I hadn't been on much lately and was too focused on my own view to see yours properly, my bad. I didn't intend for my comment to make you feel defensive xxxx

Yeah. I've become the same. Used to only be yelling that set my instincts ablaze, but slowly its grown to the point that you are at. I force myself to laugh at it. The laughter instantly cools my blood. Wish I could say the same with the yelling, but I've yet to come up with a calming...

Nothing dumb about it, pretty practical action, and honestly I think we all have the odd irrational fear. I get this thing out of the blue randomly where I'm convinced a phone charger or other wall plug might catch fire in the night. I'll get up 3 times before I can sleep and pull everything...

Crawling into my bed and sticking my head under the covers like a child. Listening to the ocean. Watching my kids play the fool and giggling without a care in the world.

Most recently, and perhaps most significantly. ME. Mentally deranged? Or mentally unwell? Just Intoxicated? Depends who you ask haha. Previous to that, my kids father, who likely falls into all the same categories as me. And initially my Father who falls into every single category except...

When I get stuck in self pity mode (not to be taken negatively, a very healthy part of healing is mourning loss, so long as you dont let yourself stay there too long) I always force myself to think of the good that has come from my experiences collectively. Want some inspiration? I've only...

Lol turns out thats not an ideal motivation.

Lol looks like the 2 of you are getting along famously there @Anarchy ill leave you with it. Ps. I experienced the sexual thing from first gen meds in the 90's. It went away when I stopped taking them, and I'm told second gen has eliminated the issue entirely?

Go up the chain of command. Your manager wont deal, maybe the next will. And handle yourself correctly, none of this I've been here longer stuff. The REAL stuff. You were assaulted in the same manner as this perp assaulted others. His presence causes your ptsd, anxiety, fears to fire up...

I tried the whole write a letter and tell my parents how what they did had affected me years ago. I included my psych evaluation for good measure and posted it off. For a while it was like a release, like passing the burden back to them. But then i realised they probably didn't absorb any...

Story of my life, and many here im sure. They can be so insensitive at times! Eves right about at least giving meds a try. Good fear to start with, because overcoming it will not only boost your confidence, but give you a new option for treatment. If they don't suit, you can stop taking...

Apparently I do now. Never did before. Recently I temporarily went blind, repeatedly reoccurring. Then I had some kind of bizarre reaction to god only knows what stress, and lost sensation in my chest, shoulders, neck and arm. Still waiting on that to return. My words randomly start...

This is a stop smoking aid too isn't it? Designed to block cravings. Those kinds of meds made me loco lol. Psychotic dreams, chronic heightened state of fear. They say give it 3 months, but keep your eye on It and good luck

Merit badge? If it was as easy as collecting a girl scout badge for achievement in f*cked upness, where can I hand it back? Know what though Lost. Its all relative to ones own experience. When I first read your stuff I was like 'wtf am I even whinging about when I stand myself next to this...

Good effort sonic. Like said above, that wasn't God,that was 'sonic will power' Take credit, you'll be needing it in the weeks ahead. You gotta seriously get your system cleaned out so you can think straight again.

Anxiety is incredibly powerful I have just learned. I definitely underestimated its power, and perhaps over estimated my own emotional strength. I've just spent the past two weeks convinced I was dying. Of stroke. Of diabetes. Heart arrack. Even started having genuine (at least I thought)...

Yeah I engaged in some of these kinds of behaviours, for years. Never really thought of it as recreating trauma or self victimising til I came here. But it was almost a compulsion, something I did sub consciously, never an open thought. What stopped it? Finally being with someone who...