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@Dana1010, my T actually lent me a book a few weeks ago that I'm reading through - more on the self-harm topic, but it also touches on T's redirecting conversations away from disclosure early on in the therapeutic relationship. It helped me understand why my T sometimes does the things she does...

@Dana1010, I see your comment differently than @risingsun. My T will frequently redirect me away from a topic during therapy, I found out it is because she doesn't want me to disclose too quickly and retraumatize myself. Like you I experience trembling, and shaking when I talk about certain...

Court update: Nothing really happened today, he went/his lawyer went (if he has one), they (accused) want more time to review the evidence I have against him. So the next court date is set for September 29, because apparently July 4th to today August 25 wasn't enough time to review everything...

@AmyO, tomorrow I'm not even in court. It's just his first appearance, so I don't need to be there. I was a little tempted to see if I could go but that requires taking work off and not getting paid for it, and that puts more stress on me, and I don't think I would handle it well at all. It...

I want this stranger to know that buying my silence was never an option, even though he thought it was. I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning to find out what time to call to get the results of his first appearance. I almost wish I could have my T in a conference call when I get the...

@Junebug, which is why I said in my first response

@Junebug, I know, but illness is unpredictable sometimes. Especially with Lyme's disease. Emergencies happen, life happens. It sucks, and it makes us uncomfortable and upset at times but we need to learn to cope the best we can at the time. We don't always cope well, but it makes for a learning...

@Jane.l, I read the full post, I'm aware of what was posted. Emergencies come up, and what none of us know except desiderata, is whether or not Saturdays and Sundays are typical business days for this T. Just because a car was at the office doesn't mean the T was there, for all we know this T...

@desiderata310, no where in my response did I say you were the bad guy. But neither is your T for not providing a detailed explanation. He said he wasn't feeling well, that's it, he isn't obligated to provide more than that. I have been on the receiving end of a phone call or email saying that...

So tomorrow is the first appearance in court for the stranger that assaulted me on July 4 while I was working. I don't have to be there, so the stress I feel surrounding this is not due to being scared of facing the man. I can't fully explain why I'm nervous about tomorrow's court date, all I...

Since everyone before me has covered the emotional side, and the dependancy side I'm going to say something that may frustrate you. I agree with most of what others have said so far, good for you for communicating your feelings with your T, it's hard but it's beneficial. Now for the unpopular...

@anthony, I greatly appreciate your sense of humour, and would actually look forward to getting a 404 error once this is complete. You brightened my day a bit. Thanks.

I have never looked at my T long enough to see this "healing look". I can't count on one hand the number of times I have made eye contact with my T in the almost year I've been seeing her. I'm very familiar with her feet. I find eye contact scary and I dissociate really easily when I do make eye...

@KwanYingirl, I'm never happy about cutting. I spent a lot of money on surgeries on my arm to reduce scarring. I was completely dissociated when I did this. It brought me out of the dissociated state. I know it isn't a good coping mechanism which is exactly why I've been free from it for so long.

@scout86, I did shoot my T an email after I got the call saying my appointment was cancelled. Let her know I'm in a bad place right now and needed that support system today. I actually already had antibiotics so the infection is clear now. I wasn't suicidal, I have suicidal thoughts but I'm...

I didn't post on here what happened last week so I will do a quick update because it is a big factor in this downward spiral I'm in. Last Wednesday I cut for the first time in a while. I was dissociating really bad for the days leading up to it. I took a sick day from work. I ended up cutting...

Hey there @RaiseYourGlass. I'm not sure what the laws are like in your state, or based on your age, so what I'm saying is what I've found in my own experience. I've talked with my T and my social worker both quite openly about suicide. They both know that I will be 100% honest with them about...

I kind of disappeared from here for a while. This is my most recent post on here, kind of important to what I'm about to post because it factors in greatly to the overwhelm. Without rehashing the whole post again, here is a link to the original...

@Lou82, if you are hoping that they can find a good medication for you it might be a good place to go through the side effects. There would be someone there to monitor you, get the right balance that will keep you stable. That way when you are discharged you can work with a therapist in a...

I have had self defence classes before, but no I haven't considered taking them. I am triggered. Today I had to file a formal incident report at work which meant rehashing all the specifics about what happened, I ended up dry heaving outside after. I don't feel differently about the police...

I told my T in the emails we were sending that day that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. That I'm doing something to bring this on myself. It's one thing to have it happen by someone you know repeatedly, but this was a complete stranger. I feel like everything that has happened to me...

I know I haven't been on here as often as I normally am. A lot has happened. I will talk about that in another post at a later date. The main thing is how triggered I am. On Friday at work I was molested by a trucker at the event I was working. There came a point where he had the opportunity to...

Had the session with my T last night. I didn't end up talking to her about the whole questioning my sexuality because a lot came up this week that took preference over that subject - plus I was nervous to. I found out I have to move, also I have to put my dog down on Sunday because she has...

@NovemberStar, your response is by far my favourite. Not to discredit anyone else's response, they were all great and I respect everyone's opinion. But yours in particular I found the most helpful. I'm thinking now that it would be good to bring this up to my T. Just not sure how to do it, or...

@Hashi, the fact that I don't know how I got these bruises does bother me, it scares me more than just bothers me. It's pretty much understood what most likely happened. I just don't have any memory of it, I dissociated for a huge chunk of time. My T asked me to show my nurse practitioner my...