Is My Somatic Experiencing Therapist Doing S.e.?

[Dana1010]

I just came back from my therapy session for the week. I think this was our fifth or sixth session. First of all, I think the client before me must have drained by therapist, because she seemed exhausted and on edge. We started to warm up by discussing some light topics such as how I've been sleeping and how my meditation is going. I hate wasting time like that when I have all sorts of heavy issues I want to talk about, but it still feels awkward jumping in as soon as I sit down.

She asked me at some point, "What do you want out of therapy?" Didn't I tell her ten times already? I want to stop having my life dominated by a recurring memory and the feeling that this person is watching me and menacing me everyday. So that came up and we talked about it - a little. It's like she gets board of that topic and wants to talk about something else.

As for somatic work, I will start shaking and jerking in the middle of our conversations, and she'll notice that and ask me what I'm feeling. I just don't know if she's doing what SE therapists are supposed to do. I have nothing to compare it to cause she's the only SE therapist I've ever worked with. Are we supposed to be re-experiencing the trauma? Am I supposed to be lying on a table and going into a meditative state? How much talking should there be in a session? How much experiencing?

 

[Lucycat]

I think I probably now what you mean, but for the benefit of those who don't could you please define the Se used in the title of your thread?

 

[Hashi]

I haven't had somatic experiencing, only read about it (I had craniosacral therapy instead). My impression is that SE is more directed than what you're describing. But I don't know. Your therapist is the best person to ask.

Have you asked your therapist about whether she's doing regular SE or a partial version of it? Can you talk to her about therapy, progress, how you structure the session etc?

She asked me at some point, "What do you want out of therapy?" Didn't I tell her ten times already?

I'm wondering why she's still asking this when you feel you've answered it multiple times. It seems to me that either she must be without hope, or there could be some sort of miscommunication going on. If she asks again, can you make it a discussion about why she keeps asking?

 

[Dana1010]

Sorry, @Lucycat, I'm referring to somatic experiencing therapy, or SE for short.

@Hashi, I have wanted to directly ask her about those things, but I sort of chicken out when I'm in session. I don't want her to think I'm casting aspersions on her or being a backseat driver/ know it all.

 

[Hashi]

But you aren't in the backseat. It's your therapy. It's about you.

Have you considered the possibility that she would like you to ask questions and discuss the therapy approach? That maybe that's why she keeps asking what you want from therapy?

 

[risingsun]

First of all, I think the client before me must have drained by therapist, because she seemed exhausted and on edge

Right there, it seems like a red flag. She should be "constant" in her mental/emotional state with all her clients.

She asked me at some point, "What do you want out of therapy?" Didn't I tell her ten times already?

This is a second red flag. Why is she not listening?

It's like she gets board of that topic and wants to talk about something else.

This is the third red flag. No matter how many times an issue comes up, she should be willing to talk about it with you without expressing discontent. This is your therapy. If that is what you want to discuss, then that s it, that is what you want to process.

I don't want to discourage you but there are many red flags here. You may want to re-evaluate this therapist and trust your intuition. Already, your intuition is speaking to you as this is bothering you. This is your healing process and you want to feel like therapy is helping you, rather than providing more angst. It is okay to interview many therapists and find the best fit for you. Why settle for less when you desire more? I find that therapists are who they are and typically don't really change their style and method, although good ones will adjust their methods to their patients as necessary. But all in all, I think this you have seen this therapist for enough times to get a feel for her style and, unfortunately, it is already bothering you. I know searching for the right therapist can be tiring, but it is worth it rather than settling for less than optimal. Best of Luck to You. Warmest, Rising Sun

 

[Dana1010]

Thanks @risingsun. I hear everything you're saying. I don't know if I was imagining her getting bored of the topic that's such an issue for me. Maybe I need to be more assertive and try to direct the conversation. The thing is there is only one other SE therapist in town who takes my insurance, and I didn't feel too great about him. I want to stay with SE because I think it's what I need the most right now. I like my current therapist well enough as a person, it's just her approach seems a little diffuse.

 

[mytai]

@Dana1010, I see your comment

It's like she gets board of that topic and wants to talk about something else.

differently than @risingsun. My T will frequently redirect me away from a topic during therapy, I found out it is because she doesn't want me to disclose too quickly and retraumatize myself. Like you I experience trembling, and shaking when I talk about certain topics. These are ones she redirected me away from when I first started seeing her. It was explained to me that the reason for this is so that she can build mutual trust first, more so on my side, she needed to get to know me and my reactions better, provide me with tools for self care, all to make sure that when I did disclose, that it wasn't a traumatizing experience.

When my T notices I'm having a body reaction she asks me what is happening inside my body at that moment, she gets me to breathe through it because I have a tendency to hold my breath and dissociate during it. I would talk to your T about her asking what you want from therapy, sounds like some miscommunication to me if she keeps asking.

As for whether that is somatic experiencing therapy, I really don't know. My T uses a huge variety of techniques with me depending on what we are doing.

 

[Dana1010]

That's a good call actually, I hadn't considered that. I actually did outline the incident to her during our second session however, so we'd really just be talking about the aftermath and how it's affecting me today.

 

[mytai]

@Dana1010, my T actually lent me a book a few weeks ago that I'm reading through - more on the self-harm topic, but it also touches on T's redirecting conversations away from disclosure early on in the therapeutic relationship. It helped me understand why my T sometimes does the things she does. I'm at the point where I'm comfortable asking her why she's chosen to do something, usually through email, but I ask now.

Are you able to email this T? If so, can you give them a heads up about the few topics you want to address in your next session?

 

[digger]

@Hashi, I have wanted to directly ask her about those things, but I sort of chicken out when I'm in session. I don't want her to think I'm casting aspersions on her or being a backseat driver/ know it all.

I don't know anything about SE, so can't answer about that, but so far as this is concerned, a good therapist will not have a problem with you asking questions about the process or their methods of working, in fact I think most of them would welcome it as it will lead to better understanding between you.

My therapist takes the time to remind me fairly regularly that she would like me to feel in control of our sessions. That doesn't mean that she doesn't lead/guide/steer a lot of the time, but if I had a problem with something or didn't understand something, she wouldn't have any issue with me questioning it or rejecting it and wanting to take things in another direction.

The fact that you're not comfortable bringing this up with her, and that you've only seen her for a few sessions, would suggest to me that you're still building the relationship, and the trust, that you need in place to start working on things more deeply. You're still getting to know each other and how each other works and ticks.

If you're uncomfortable asking her directly about things, might writing down some of the stuff you've got questions about be helpful?

I think it would be good to get a better understanding now of how she works and how she views the therapeutic process, before you try and work on anything else, so you can decide whether you feel this is really the direction for you too.