I don’t think I can afford to think it over for more than a year. Maybe I can work out seeing her other week. But yeah.Yeah, I have to consider leaving my very long term therapist, but I’ve been considering it for a year maybe two. I want to keep doing therapy. I might go to every other week maybe idk. I don’t want to keep doing what we’re doing, but I can’t let go of the intimacy I have with her. I can’t even imagine trying to rebuild that level of trust and I suppose I’m afraid I’ll never experience it again. But who knows. It’s complicated.
I want more talk therapy, I don’t think she can do this for me.
I’m not good at confrontation which is what this sounds like and it’s not. It’s me explaining what I want from therapy and how I don’t feel like she’s meeting those expectations and she’s doing something she really doesn’t wanna do.
The thing with EMDR is that you need to build a ton of skills first. The SI coming up could have been the effects of the trauma itself surfacing. I have heard EMDR is opening a can of worms. The SI could be a cue to pause and build more skills like maybe using mindfulness techniques or DBT. I have also heard that EMDR is not for every one. I have not tried it yet for the reason of needing to fix sleep issues and manage depression. You may not be ready yet and maybe you could be ready down the road. In either case you sound super self aware and like you are taking care of yourself.Well I have an update. I told her about this. We had a very VERY productive therapy session. Probably one of the best in a long time. I mean she totally knows what she’s doing and I felt so seen again. We dissected everything about why I felt that way, I actually said what I had to say, without having a panic attack or tensing up.
I told her I was not able to comfortably say what I wanted to in the past to other therapists plus I didn’t establish a good relationship with them Plus I felt like they didn’t care. I didn’t want to put more effort into it so I just told them I terminated.
She makes me feel safe expressing my feelings when I think or thought there could be a conflict.
So yeah I’m def not letting her go.
Idk what … or why. But sometimes I think EMDR was a good thing because I have realized so much about myself after those sessions and it makes my sessions now ten times more powerful. But EMDR was so bad on my mind so I don’t think I’ll do it again.