I think the end of the road with my great therapist is near. I am so disappointed … she’s changed

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@The_One - I've merged your 2 threads about your difficulty with your therapist to help members follow the conversation. If you have any questions, hit us up at Contact Us.

 

[The_One]

Yeah, I have to consider leaving my very long term therapist, but I’ve been considering it for a year maybe two. I want to keep doing therapy. I might go to every other week maybe idk. I don’t want to keep doing what we’re doing, but I can’t let go of the intimacy I have with her. I can’t even imagine trying to rebuild that level of trust and I suppose I’m afraid I’ll never experience it again. But who knows. It’s complicated.

I don’t think I can afford to think it over for more than a year. Maybe I can work out seeing her other week. But yeah.

 

[Muttly]

I'm also curious why you wouldn't print out the threads here and show them to your therapist. Or take parts of them and take them to her. It's not an unusual thing for clients to do. And what you've said is your experience and as a therapist she should be able to help you process it.

I want more talk therapy, I don’t think she can do this for me.

Have you directly asked her for this, since you decided against EMDR?

I’m not good at confrontation which is what this sounds like and it’s not. It’s me explaining what I want from therapy and how I don’t feel like she’s meeting those expectations and she’s doing something she really doesn’t wanna do.

I'm a bit confused by this. Are you saying this sounds like confrontation to us? To your therapist? I don't think anyone here views it as such. I doubt your therapist would. Stating your needs is healthy.

Was it just the one session that felt off for the talk therapy? You specifically mention the session where she came in seeming tired/bored or something and you did the guided imagery. Were there other sessions where she seemed to not want to do talk therapy?

I am NOT saying you are doing this. I'm just curious, because it's something folks with PTSD do. Is it possible you are finding reasons to leave the relationship because you do click well with her? It can be scary.

It's certainly possible your needs don't match what your therapist can provide. I saw a therapist for 6 years. She had a series of health issues and I went through some changes and it no longer worked. I didn't want to leave her, because we still clicked but the therapy I needed wasn't happening. We talked about it though and left in a place of understanding and growth. If it all possible, that's an important step to take.

 

[PerfectEmpire]

I've seen over a dozen therapists. Only three were a good fit long term.

At first it was stressful when one didn't work out, but as I've healed more, I felt more of a sense of agency and the ability to decide to move on without it being a bad thing. Every therapist is unique. Working with many over my lifetime has taught me a lot. Even ones that I saw for a relatively short time taught me something.

It sounds like you are finding your empowerment, and you value your time and money and health. It sounds like you know what you need and want and just need to trust yourself and take the stressful action of termination of this therapeutic relationship so that you can find someone who is a better fit. Therapists are service providers and if you don't like the way one does things, there are dozens of others to choose from usually. Fit is everything and if you're not feeling it, definitely move on.

I get the EMDR thing. I was told I am not a candidate for EMDR due to my Dissociative Experiences Scale score and level of symptoms. My nervous system was not in a good place for it. I had the EMDR therapist for a while and she taught me grounding and resourcing and similar techniques. But it wasn't meant to be a long term talk therapy relationship, and I am still not safe for EMDR. I moved on and do not wish to pursue it.

I know myself well enough to say EMDR is not a good idea for me and may never be. And so I focus on working with therapists who are not fixated on that modality. I don't know why, but there are many therapists who are really super into very specific modalities that are not going to work for everyone. From Internal Family Systems to EMDR to tapping to brain scans, I've seen it all. I speculate that some therapists like the structure provided by these modalities as it helps them to focus and feel secure and confident and know what to do. It takes a really special person to be able to do pure talk therapy and keep all the boundaries and have it be therapeutic and incorporate CBT etc. But they are out there! I would leave this person and look for a new one. It might even be something they can help you with if you bring it up.

Chances are if the rapport is sinking, they feel it too and may be relieved to help you find someone who can provide what you need.

 

[The_One]

Well I have an update. I told her about this. We had a very VERY productive therapy session. Probably one of the best in a long time. I mean she totally knows what she’s doing and I felt so seen again. We dissected everything about why I felt that way, I actually said what I had to say, without having a panic attack or tensing up.

I told her I was not able to comfortably say what I wanted to in the past to other therapists plus I didn’t establish a good relationship with them Plus I felt like they didn’t care. I didn’t want to put more effort into it so I just told them I terminated.
She makes me feel safe expressing my feelings when I think or thought there could be a conflict.
So yeah I’m def not letting her go.

Idk what … or why. But sometimes I think EMDR was a good thing because I have realized so much about myself after those sessions and it makes my sessions now ten times more powerful. But EMDR was so bad on my mind so I don’t think I’ll do it again.

 

[Scarlet13]

Well I have an update. I told her about this. We had a very VERY productive therapy session. Probably one of the best in a long time. I mean she totally knows what she’s doing and I felt so seen again. We dissected everything about why I felt that way, I actually said what I had to say, without having a panic attack or tensing up.

I told her I was not able to comfortably say what I wanted to in the past to other therapists plus I didn’t establish a good relationship with them Plus I felt like they didn’t care. I didn’t want to put more effort into it so I just told them I terminated.
She makes me feel safe expressing my feelings when I think or thought there could be a conflict.
So yeah I’m def not letting her go.

Idk what … or why. But sometimes I think EMDR was a good thing because I have realized so much about myself after those sessions and it makes my sessions now ten times more powerful. But EMDR was so bad on my mind so I don’t think I’ll do it again.

The thing with EMDR is that you need to build a ton of skills first. The SI coming up could have been the effects of the trauma itself surfacing. I have heard EMDR is opening a can of worms. The SI could be a cue to pause and build more skills like maybe using mindfulness techniques or DBT. I have also heard that EMDR is not for every one. I have not tried it yet for the reason of needing to fix sleep issues and manage depression. You may not be ready yet and maybe you could be ready down the road. In either case you sound super self aware and like you are taking care of yourself.