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I felt the exact same way when I went back on my medications but in all honesty, it was probably one of the best decisions I ever made. Nothing wrong with utilizing meds if you truly feel it might help. Worst case scenario you decide it isn't for you and you go off of them again. No harm, no foul..

This pretty much so sums it up...I'm completely sick of myself. I feel tired and old before my time. I'm unhappy with the life I'm living, who I've become, and the time and energy I've wasted. I want a better life for myself and the man that I love. I want to be able to love him and to feel his...

Caffeine can definitely cause anxiety symptoms in some people. I personally have never had that problem and am an avid coffee drinker. Like any drug, though, it can effect each person differently.

I definitely trance out rather frequently..over the years I have learned to kinda ground myself when I feel like I'm getting spacey. But it's actually something I've been struggling with as of recent. It gets frustrating at times because it is completely out of my control. Most episodes last...

My PTSD feels like...I'm falling down the rabbit hole. “have i gone mad? im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are.” - Alice In Wonderland

I think it is a mixture of all of those things..and I definitely believe deep seeded, subconscious self hate plays a huge role. Self destructive behaviors are negative coping mechanisms that people use to mask their pain. It becomes all you know..so you feel the compulsion to engage in those...

I love this..couldn't have said it better myself.. No one may be watching..but at the end of the day..you'll know. And sometimes the hardest person to face is yourself. I quit my drug of choice five years ago without a relapse and the biggest thing is just reminding my of why I quit. I have...

This is exactly how I feel sometimes. I can understand my triggers for nightmares and flashbacks, but dissociation is something that has always been very tricky for me. Dissociation has always been such a natural reaction for me..even when there wasn't a perceived threat. Im glad to know I'm not...

Thanks for the support and wonderful suggestions! Today was four days without a cigarette and I've done really well..it's definitely rough at times, but I'm really focused on making this work. I've smoked so much over the years (along with preexsisting respitory problems) I am truly shocked...

I struggle with all of those same feelings. It's like my soul has been shattered..and I'm left trying to pick up the pieces. Like I've always been broken. Like a car that won't start or the shopping cart with the busted wheel. That's why I can never give up hope. I wouldn't survive without hope..

This is EXACTLY how I feel about my own social life..I do the exact same thing. Then hate myself for being a shitty friend and isolate out of guilt. I think it does get better..you just gotta force yourself back into the groove of things. I'm trying to reassimilate myself with normal human...

Absolutely! Science has proven that there are massive bonding issues as well in premature and extremely sick infants because of the amount of time spent in isolation away from the mother. Developing in an artificial enviroment has also been show to disturb the circadian rhythm in babies as well...

@Chava, I can relate to so much of this..I too remember waking up far too many times and being alone. I also find an odd comfort in hospitals, safety in the sterility and mechanicalness of it all. Machines being more comforting than humans really hit home for me too..I think that might have...

Unfortunately.. however, medical care has evolved greatly in it's treatment of children and trauma prevention over the past 20 years. Medical trauma is finally being recognized and now doctors know not to restrain children for procedures and the importance of adequate pain control.. the end goal...

I miss my friends terribly.and I feel so incredibly lonely when I isolate. but I just..can't help it..I just need the solitude. Friendships are exhausting for me.. I definitely recommend speaking to him when he is in the right frame of mind about how you can be more supportive. Be compassionate...

I am experiencing a lot of the same feelings with my father, as well. He was an alcoholic and left my mother and I alone..to live a life of chaos, trauma, and uncertainty. He got remarried and I have brothers and sisters I have never met..I have never actually met him yet..because I'm angry...

So I've been doing well over the past six weeks with therapy and my medications and I am to begin EMDR therapy soon. CBT and meds have helped quite a bit with nightmares, intrusive thoughts, depression, insomnia and anxiety. However, I am still struggling significantly with dissociation. I have...

So glad to hear you've set your boundaries..I know how difficult that can be! I used to hate my own diagnosis at times too..I've read stories on this forum that have made me sick. I've cried for their pain. I've felt that my condition is somehow doing them an injustice..selling them short in...

You definitely need to speak with your wife about this! It is unfair to you and to her if you keep this a secret. I went through this with an ex lover of mine for many months..deeply traumatizing myself and lying to him every time we had sex and I pretended to enjoy it. Sex is supposed to be a...

Love him. Support him where you can. But focus on yourself and your recovery first. Being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD when you also suffer yourself can be tremendously stressful and hindering to your recovery. I was in a relationship with a combat veteran shortly after my initial...

I am so sorry to hear about your horrendous experiences! I too suffer from immense medical trauma from being born premature and severely ill for the majority of my childhood. I had many experiences and hospitalizations similar to yours. My mother as well as many doctors restrained me during...

I couldn't agree more..my boyfriend and I were just speaking about this the other day. PTSD is very misunderstood..and I think with the help of the media, the average individual has a very skewed view of what PTSD actually is. And honestly, sometimes it angers and insults me. Not to minimize...

Thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone! This is definitely gonna be a crazy ride for me..but very worth it in the end. This will be about the 1,759,423 time I've tried to quit..but THIS time I feel good. I actually want to quit..very similar to how I felt when I decided to seek...

So I smoked my last cigarette yesterday afternoon at 4:45pm..I haven't gone this long without smoking in 15 years and honestly..I feel like I am going insane. I have a relationship with cigarettes that I feel a lot of people may have as well. Cigarettes dictate the rhythm of my everyday. Wake...

I can so relate to this. Looking at old photographs of myself can be really difficult for me at times. There are a few baby pictures but I look sick, sad frail, and tired. I looked like an alien fetus whose head had been ran over by a monster truck when I was born. That same tired, sad look has...