Champagne Fantasies

[KwanYingirl]

It's no secret that I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm open about it. Anyone that can identify with me, I need support, please.

My son is getting married in a destination wedding in Jamaica in November. I have an overwhelming fantasy of drinking champagne all week-lying on the beach with a nice booze runner bringing me all the drinks I want.

I've been sober for 23 years. This is the first intense and enduring urge I've had. I'm really uptight about chemical reactions from the plane and hotel. My PTSD symptoms are inflamed. I used alcohol to numb myself for years. I find myself romantisizing the past. A Carribean paradise with no one watching. Ack

 

[Friday]

Character is what you do when no one is watching.

You've got strong character, KwanYinGirl. Believe in yourself.

Also... You quit drinking for a reason. Probably several. Not only would it really suck to have your son's wedding be where you remember all the reasons why you quit drinking, but it would be a shame to mar a happy anniversary with a relapse date attached to it, yes? We live so much in our memories with this disorder... I rather doubt every time you think of your son's wedding that you wish to be reminded of anything except your son.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh huh Friday very wise perspective. Thank you. It's just the "well one toast for the couple won't hurt". I'll be the only person that awakes the next day without a hangover

 

[mrsps]

being sober for 23 years is a fantastic achievement although I am sure has not been easy at times! But you have got through 23 years of being sober so you can get through the challenge of your sons wedding without the need to drink :)
You can still toast the bride and groom just have something other than alcohol in your champagne flute.
Stay strong and be proud of your achievements :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

Thank you mrsps

 

[InvisibleSun]

Character is what you do when no one is watching.

I love this..couldn't have said it better myself..

No one may be watching..but at the end of the day..you'll know. And sometimes the hardest person to face is yourself.

I quit my drug of choice five years ago without a relapse and the biggest thing is just reminding my of why I quit. I have to think about when I was at my lowest point. I have to remember how it ravaged my life and turned me into a person I did not recognize. I have to recall..or I'm in trouble. You can never forget..because that 's what addiction wants you to do. It's what drives your fantasies..but you've done such a remarkable thing by staying sober for so long and you have worked far too hard to lose that. You can do it! You just have to believe!

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

23 years is a miracle! Congratulations. :) You have always been supportive of others on this forum who are alcoholics and addicts so I'm glad that we can support you in this tough time.

You can do this. It is easier to stay sober than it is to get sober. November is a few days away so try to focus on what you can do now to keep yourself accountable. Maybe going to more meetings, sharing with a sponsor/mentor, sharing in meetings, talking with and helping other alcoholics would be helpful to you. Obviously I don't know you but that is what I do when I am heading towards a drink.

Sending good vibes your way. Hang in there. One day at a time. :)

 

[Chava]

You'll get through it. Who wants champagne hangovers on vacation? Can a runner bring you your favorite tea or softdrink? What else do you imagine can help you de-stress after the flight?

 

[Casey_03]

Are there people who know about your recovery who can try to keep you from drinking? It has always helped me to go on AA forums and read all the horror stories about the terrible things alcoholics do when they drink. A good reminder of why I should never drink. At the end of the day, these champagne fantasies are just that -- fantasies. They don't correspond with reality. You know that if you do drink, you will feel like hell the next day and it will not have been worth it. At the same time though, it's natural for a recovering alcoholic to have such fantasies and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Just keep remind yourself what is at stake here and why you stopped to begin with. 23 years is a hell of an achievement and you don't want to throw it down the drain. In my experience, drinking has always kept me from being present, from being in the moment. You need to be present for your son's wedding. And you need to take it all in with a completely sober mind. I am sure you know this, and know also that we are all here for you and rooting for you. If you've made it 23 years, you've proven you have the willpower to NOT drink at the wedding.

 

[scout86]

I'm really uptight about chemical reactions from the plane and hotel. My PTSD symptoms are inflamed.

While you're fantasizing about the trip, (visualizing, it sounds like) can you change this part up? Picture arriving rested and refreshed after a wonderful flight? The perfect hotel room? Feeling nothing but peace, confidence, joy, relaxed anticipation? Maybe spend a part of each day visualizing everything going perfectly? Maybe even add something going minorly wrong and you handling it beautifully? And then I'd go with what @Chava said and imagine that great beach scene with some other beverage.

I can see how this situation would bring on temptations. You've wise to prepare for dealing with it ahead of time. I'd say that continuing to talk about your concerns and to look for support is a good plan too,

 

[KwanYingirl]

Being chemically sensitive and getting an exposure is the worst feeling in the world. It is poison. I have a good mask for the plane but it is certain that I will be sick from the jet fuel exposure. The whole irony here is that the single worst thing someone with MCS to do is to ingest alcohol, because the liver breaks it down into formaldehyde , which I am allergic to. That fact alone will keep me sober, yet I'm still feeling like I'm romantisizing the past, when I bummed around Europe and lived on wine. When I get a flashback one of my safe places is a town in Portugal named Sagres. It is one of the few places that truly amazed me. Huge cliffs overlooking the ocean, such calm and kind people quietly fishing. I vividly remember holding onto the fact that I was looking towards America and I was so glad to have escaped my abuse and I wished I could stay there forever. When I think of six days on a tropical beach, my mind is wandering to my adventures overseas.that trip was my indoctrination into a wine bottle that lasted ten years. Yeah, I have to change the channel and visualize me arriving intact. I'm hoping security allows me to bring my aloe juice onto the plane. It is the best treatment to detox the fumes. My doc is writing orders for the airline and hotel. It takes a HUGE leap of faith to know my needs will be taken seriously. I should just take a sleeping bag and sleep on the beach!

 

[scout86]

I'm hoping security allows me to bring my aloe juice onto the plane.

If it's in the right kind of container :rolleyes: I would think they will. Is it possible to get it in a container that's sealed so they know, for sure, that you aren't smuggling in explosives disguised as aloe juice?