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Yes I feel like the words and the things that were said and the way it was said is worse in some ways because I felt like it must be true because he said it. And like I had done something to deserve it. I want to say my dad was a bully but it feels hard to say that I don't know why even though...

Oh I was just going to post a question of does anyone else feel really sleepy when they dissociate or after they have been overwhelmed and I saw your thread. I am sorry it happens but I am glad it is not just me. It feels like my mind just goes to sleep. I have found getting up and moving around...

It sounds as though your childhood was incredibly lacking in any kind of warmth. It sounds and feels like neglect. I appreciate you had food etc but it sounds like emotional witholding and absence which is neglect.

Thanks. Yes. I thought the other day that it was properly bullying, like really vicious. I can't say the words that he said to me because they were so bad. I just think I am expected to focus on the csa etc but sometimes I think the way I was cornered and called those words was a particular kind...

I wanted to come back to this because I had a session the other week. I think I just anticipate being dismissed even if he does the 'therapist thing' of being validating so I can't take it in maybe. Maybe it just takes time. There are things I want to talk about but I hold back because I know if...

I have posted here before a bit about (CSA) type stuff still can't say it properly. But in an emdr session recently I was processing a memory and my mind went to some of the times when my dad would be really verbally aggressive when I was meant to be processing a memory of physical violence...

I don't trust the police and they are a corrupt institution as far as I am concerned so I wouldn't ever go through this process and for me it is too long ago etc etc. But I do know there are good police officers who do really try in amongst the bad apples so I would say I think it depends on...

I totally get why this is so scary for you and I struggle with it too. I have had treatment on my cervix too and to be honest that process was ok because the staff there are better than your average practice nurse at putting you at ease! I would never say it is ok to not get a smear though. As...

Yes I think he does in some ways remind me of people who were maybe dismissive in the past. @Teamwork your therapist sounds like mine in the pacing and being trustworthy but I don't know. I will talk it through if I can but I don't know what the answer is because it feels more like a part of me...

And I mean like really trust them? Recently I have been feeling like my therapist (who I have felt like I do trust till recently and I have told him a lot and feel therapy has really been helping) doesn't really actually give a shit about me and isn't bothered and doesn't really want to help...

Im sorry you have struggled in this way. I guess I started the thread to get some reassurance and understanding that my experience of emdr was not unusual. What I take from it is that there are many different kinds of experience and you have to go with it and see. Or I do.

Feel like it's triggering a lot for me to be honest like not only memories but also really uncomfortable attachment feelings of wanting to be cared for and nurtured in quite a strange way. Like I have people who love me and know but it is a different feeling to that. It's weird.

To be honest I think ideally you would work with those things before you did emdr because if you are blocking and not going with it then it won't work for you but it doesn't mean it can't help just that you might need to work on the parts of you that are trying to keep you safe first. I did a...

Ah I am so sorry you struggle with this too. It's so difficult. I can see for you as someone from the outside that they are definitely not connected and you deserve to have good things and to be able to let yourself relax. Funny how it feels so real internally and like if might be true but then...

Feeling that if you allow yourself anything nice or a luxury item or allow yourself to relax you will make something bad happen or something bad will happen to punish you? I get really caught up in it and it can become really hard to let myself have or do anything. I don't know if it is a ptsd...

I do feel like that outside of therapy if I have a particular memory or something triggers like a body memory or in response to certain smells that are linked to what I experienced and things like that. I assume it is just an anxiety response or flashback type thing. I have never felt that...

I had emdr today and felt really nauseous when I was remembering things for a while quite intensely and also felt like I needed to move around and not stay still. Have other people had these sorts of experiences during emdr? I have been told it's normal especially during certain types of...

I believed that something terrible would happen if I said anything and also that maybe it wasn't bad or was me being confused (at first) and then I was too ashamed. I felt like I was betraying my mum by doing it. Also like I was prostituting myself by letting him do things to me so that he...

I wanted to come back to this because I tried to talk more to my therapist recently and I feel flooded with things I wanted to say or want to say and I really don't know if I am weird for wanting to say them. But I have been able to say some things that were not so bad but the things I wanted to...

I guess I can understand that if he was worried about you being too overwhelmed and not being able to manage that? I'm sorry that is feeling so difficult though. Thank you - we did this recently actually talking about the fear of being minimised and also the fear that it is too disgusting and...

Thank you so much for the support on here. I feel like I don't know what to say or *how* to talk about it if that makes sense. So I worry that the things I feel like it might help to talk about are things other people with similar experiences don't talk about. Do people with a CSA history talk...

But don't you think the daily struggles are linked to the trauma and probably some of those struggles are related to things that trigger or cause you stress because of their meaning and patterns of relating you mihjy have developed as a consequence. So talking about daily struggles =...

Thank you so so much.

Thank you so much for saying this. I do feel as though this is stuck on me. I desperately want to talk about it but I feel like if he doesn't understand what I mean it will compound the shame. I'm also so tired of it and I just want to talk and be heard and not have to sanitise it anymore. I...

So I have just read through this and I have a post elsewhere where I talk about something that *looked like* something bad from my past experience. Seeing it and having to eat it has triggered flashbacks recently. Now I avoid this thing (a liquid type food) because it seemed to trigger a...