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I've been reading Heller's Healing Developmental Trauma and in the section on autonomy, he talks about how those who struggle with autonomy have the mentality that everything is either submit or rebel, or lose your integrity or fight. But he thought that these were false dichotomies. His...

I got some bad news recently and it has sent my ptsd into overdrive. I've been trying to meditate and am re-reading Heller's Healing Developmental Trauma. I was reading the section on how trauma is freezed and stored in the body. I swear that in one episode of feeling fearful and catastrophizing...

Amen. That's how I feel like some times - I wish things were easier and it feels like it never will.

@willhealeventually, that sounds like a good plan to explore your preferences and what works for you. It sounds like you're navigating both your internal landscape and the dating landscape in your search for love and companionship. I think that dealing with our internal lives is the more...

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I've done some online dating, and there are people on there that you would probably never agree to see if you knew them in real life, but the technology puts them into contact with you. I also remember my first online date after my divorce. I told...

Thanks @blackemerald1. I need to hear that said as often as possible. You're right - he was actually lying. In my head I still see it as "brutally honest", but of course it was his distorted view of us. We all sacrificed a great deal to help him (he was disabled), and we also all attained...

Hi @Chris-duck. In reading your posts, I was just struck by how classic your "symptoms" are - catastrophic thinking, and perhaps dysregulation and hypervigilance. Something that I find helpful, and maybe you do or not, is to remind myself of what the experts say. Having complex ptsd is the...

It seems like you figured out a lot already. I wanted to add my perspective. My dad was brutally honest and hated dishonesty in anyone. I always thought that he had an overly strong sense of morals. But now I realize that it was just a cover for his narcissism and his desire to blurt out...

Thanks @Justmehere. I think you're right. I have to be careful not to idealize what they might have, and also remember that relationships are about fit. I can see that in my own relationship with my bf, his response to my overreactions calmed me down a lot. He asks me what he can do and how he...

Thanks @Skywatcher. That makes sense. Intellectually, I thought that I had accepted the situation and moved on, but the news triggered something. I think the feeling is about not being good enough. But that's probably normal even if I might feel it to a greater degree.

I just found out that my ex bf moved in with another woman. We broke up just about a year ago, and he moved out at the end of August last year. I don't know why, but I just googled him and saw the instagram photos. I myself have had a bf for about 7 months and I'm quite happy in the...

I wanted to compliment you on your efforts to manage the ptsd for your child's sake. I think that if you're trying, you're going to make things better.

I just had a discussion with my T about this. Not about art (no one wants my art), but about feeling like I'm faking it. She said in a sense we all have to learn social skills which doesn't come naturally, so we are all being unnatural to some extent, but I think it's the degree to which we...

I'm only half succeeding.

I think this is a sign of progress. I felt that I had some weird interactions today, and feel this sense of paranoia like people are seeing something in me that is making them react weird to me. My mind is tempted to list all of the bad things about me that they're seeing. But lately, I've been...

The books I've read say that rejecting the "unacceptable" parts of yourself was a way of protecting you from attracting bad attention from your parents and keeping you alive. But once you grow up and you no longer need to suppress yourself to appease the parents, those efforts do more harm than...

I just want to say that I'm glad you got up the courage to reveal the big "secret" to your sister. That distortion definitely needed sunlight and a chance to be corrected. I agree with everyone that what you did does not deserve the guilt you've felt all of these years.

I just wanted to respond to you saying that you can feel it when your actions are motivated by past conditions versus it being a free choice. I think it's good to listen to that intuition. My parents used and exploited me, and I was forced to help them well beyond what was appropriate for a...

Thanks @EveHarrington, that makes me feel hopeful, and I'm happy for you that you're able to accept what he's offering you. I'm finding it more difficult than I realized. It's messed up. @grit, thanks. In therapy, my T agrees that my feeling unloveable is at the core of my reaction. It's crazy...

In looking back on my original post, it strikes me that I am completely in the thrall of the ptsd which causes people to be in the "timeless" state of the triggered experience as though it is always and forever happening. Yet, it is really not that frequent that I feel that way in the...

Thanks @NeverGiveUp. I totally agree with you in theory and have reflected that in posts to others. But it's another thing to take those steps and struggle with the fallout from the distorted reactions that my ptsd stuff causes. After a bit of texting conversation, I realize that as is the case...

Also, I just revealed to him that I have ptsd from my childhood and that my brother used to scapegoat me, and I'm feeling extremely exposed. It would be devastating to be rejected after revealing this fact, but I have to steel myself to the possibility that it might scare someone off to know...

This topic is a big one for me and I think for most of us. I can't shake the feeling that I am not worthy, good enough and that people will reject me at any given moment. If I don't hear from my boyfriend right away, my immediate reaction is to think that I am not important enough to communicate...

I wanted to see if this was helpful to consider - I've been on this kick since starting a relationship with my boyfriend to share whenever I could when I was feeling vulnerable. We've been together for about a half a year now. My T thinks that when you risk opening yourself up, it brings you...

That's good to understand where you are. I had been in therapy for years and have overcome lots of stuff like depersonalization and depression, and was in a place that I could "take her in". In high school, I couldn't even stand to look at a reflection of myself, and the reaction of disgust was...