Why do I feel weird about my ex moving on?

[PreciousChild]

I just found out that my ex bf moved in with another woman. We broke up just about a year ago, and he moved out at the end of August last year. I don't know why, but I just googled him and saw the instagram photos. I myself have had a bf for about 7 months and I'm quite happy in the relationship. But I still feel weird about seeing pictures of my ex with someone else. Also, they started a business together, it seems. That was quick! We both have cptsd, but he never had therapy and didn't want it. I felt that he was extremely unfair to me because whenever he got triggered, he would look around him, see me, and point to me as the cause of whatever he was feeling. But maybe I'm wrong. He managed to make it work with someone else, so I guess I'm questioning myself. But perhaps this is normal for everyone and not just a ptsd-related issue.

What have your experiences been like? Did your exes with ptsd go on to have successful relationships? Did you felt left behind?

 

[Skywatcher]

This is pretty normal. PTSD or not. Eventually as you heal, you will remember the connection and good memories you shared. You’ll also see why it didn’t work and find that because of that, you are better for your new relationships that you develop with others.

 

[PreciousChild]

Thanks @Skywatcher. That makes sense. Intellectually, I thought that I had accepted the situation and moved on, but the news triggered something. I think the feeling is about not being good enough. But that's probably normal even if I might feel it to a greater degree.

 

[Justmehere]

I would be careful to assume that their relationship doesn’t have any bumps or problems.

Dating is all about finding who is the right fit. Just because you and him were not the right fit doesn’t mean you did something wrong or that you are not enough. Be careful to not let your self worth get caught up in him or his life.

 

[PreciousChild]

Thanks @Justmehere. I think you're right. I have to be careful not to idealize what they might have, and also remember that relationships are about fit. I can see that in my own relationship with my bf, his response to my overreactions calmed me down a lot. He asks me what he can do and how he can do it better. For that reason, I've had very, very few episodes. My ex got triggered every time I had negative emotions, so I never got to have my own feelings and issues because they were problems for him. He then blamed me for all of his bad feelings.

So that helped me to let go - I was like, 'well, I think his rejection of me was his problem.' But I guess now that I've found that he's in a new relationship, I can't be so sure of that.

But my pattern is that I am triggered by feelings of unloveability and abandonment. Since finding out the news, I've been having trouble shaking how I felt when my ex broke up with me - 'there's something so wrong with me that I'm making him miserable,' 'I'm unloveable,' 'I will always cause misery and will always be alone,' 'he's leaving me and it's all my fault.' My dad was sociopathic and would severely punish me arbitrarily and without warning for the smallest of deeds if his narcissistic ego was even offended in the slightest. I of course blamed myself for all of his anger and abuse.