Why do I feel so intense all the time? I get super emotionally attached at the very initial stages.

[maybeiamabear]

I talked to my school friend about relationships today. It was very strange because - at twenty seven I have zero dating experience and he mentioned that he has slept with almost thirty women.

It's just awkwardly strange. Because I get super emotionally attached at the very initial stages itself. If someone offers me attention and care, I get attached. Lack of love in childhood makes me feel that this much is enough.

And yet I struggle so much with modern relationships. Because my rejection sensitivity is high, I am never the one taking more risks - calling friends or people I like. And my friend told me how people around us and culture currently is to sleep around. Flings and casual relationships are cool and sex and emotional attachment are not interrelated.

I don't understand all of this. I am too scared to even dive in because I feel so overwhelmed.

Someone I saw in January, I keep having flashbacks about moments we shared together and it feels like my mind and body wants to continue holding onto these memories because there is lack of friends, humans, love around me but I think for the girl - it was just a fling and she was just exploring.

How do I explore. Do I need to? Why do I feel so intense all the time?

 

[Starfish]

"Because I get super emotionally attached at the very initial stages itself. If someone offers me attention and care, I get attached. Lack of love in childhood makes me feel that this much is enough.".......

This has been me also and for the same reason....thus 3 marriages that all ended....I was not in love with the person., in fact, barely attracted to them...I was just so in need of attention and I hid my deficiencies in "a relationship".

"And my friend told me how people around us and culture currently is to sleep around. Flings and casual relationships are cool and sex and emotional attachment are not interrelated"

Each person has the freedom to choose behavior that they feel comfortable with despite what culture is doing....especially when it comes to their sexual behavior. Believe me, I learned that the hard way. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I believe you are on the right track just by becoming aware of yourself and questioning, etc......

Definitely not an easy road and there is bound to be "one step forward and then two steps back" Then you pick yourself up, move forward and don't look back. Keep up the good work. Take it from me.....there IS light at the end of the tunnel

 

[arfie]

gentle empathy, maybei. i've been married 43 years and still tend to bring engagement rings on first dates. these days my "first dates" are with potential friends and clients, but the principle carries. i want to skip all the uncertainty of getting to know each other and skip straight to the perfect relationship. i i went to all the trouble of dreaming the dream. all i'm asking is that you play your part.

sigh. . . why can't life be simple? can i at least have a consistent, one-size-fits-all explanation? sigh again. . .

the urge is still with me, but has evolved to figuring out the mysteries of relationships as i go, one relationship at a time.