PreciousChild
Platinum Member
I think this is a sign of progress. I felt that I had some weird interactions today, and feel this sense of paranoia like people are seeing something in me that is making them react weird to me. My mind is tempted to list all of the bad things about me that they're seeing. But lately, I've been noting that people who react negatively to others often do so because they have some insecurity that's been triggered. So they have this weird reaction that's about their own deficits or insecurities. But if I'm seeing that reaction, I usually assume I did or said something wrong or they learned something about me that's unacceptable. But today, I'm actually able to take perspective and am entertaining the possibility that the weird reactions were not necessarily about me. I might be able to skip the part when I scrutinize myself for every possible bad thing I've done to the point I feel depressed and debilitated. As a child, I actually think that feeling at fault for everything is preferable to being totally outside of your parents' concern. At least if I'm at fault, I matter somehow. The more painful truth that they just did not give one damn shit about what I needed or was feeling is harder for a child to take. But even better would be that my parents gave a shit and actually met my needs so that I don't walk around the world like a hungry ghost.
