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I have in my life only had a couple relationships, during both of these (one of which was in my later teens and one in the past couple years) I realized how by contrast how alone and unsafe I really felt all the time. They both didn't really go anywhere in the end but I found that besides those...

That would send me into high alert into the next day, after something like that I don't think I'd even be able to sleep. Thankfully nothing like that has ever happened to me before. Whenever I'm here and someone drives up and comes in, that is enough to make my heart skip a beat often even if...

I know exactly how you feel there, very little things can set me off into isolation again. when I'm out around others I always feel like I need to be perfect or I'm too much and too dysfunctional. If I can't be that more bubbly, content me than I'm just not going to be that person or a person...

Older thread but I just checked this forum, yes this is what happens with me. It's sometimes hard to tell them apart. When I'm really stressed my speech and motor skills really fall apart when they can be a bit shaky to begin with. Sometimes I can't tell from body language alone if someone I'm...

It's extremely unlikely if you got a new phone and number that they would be able to as well as if you use different usernames and emails everywhere and I don't think most people are expert hackers. I don't have much paranoia online because of that, as for being triggered I could read too much...

Exactly my dreams are alsways even if not complete flash backs always have the background of dread and intense sorrow. I have to wake up every few hours to take my medicine anyways and actually wake at 6 AM currently but I still get them. Often before I fall into a deeper sleep what will happen...

You explained this very well, I get paranoid but I don' think everyone is specifically out to get me but they're all possibly so unstable that I'm in danger and through being in the wrong place at the wrong ime I could be the target or one of them. This will especially happen if I hear someone...

You just brought up where I think many people get caught up, they go for the whip but there's another more gentle way that may also involve something else that's not easy. On top of this the person often doesn't know what to do besides the self whipping. Old and ugly can be rooted in perspective...

I know the exact feeling you're talking about it, is almost like it's own emotion and I been feeling it in long multi day episodes for over a week now because something happened that really set me off quite a bit. It gets difficult to do anything involving people and I need a lot more alone...

You are not alone at all as this is also trend in my life that manifests in so many ways. Getting through this mess of complex punishment rituals that also feel good in one aspect or another all the same is difficult. The first things you can do is identify and isolate self limiting behavior...

I was actually just thinking about this general topic as I just had an encounter with a certain person and against my will completely split and had to go out to the store feeling like there was an invader in my body (it's difficult to describe, it's like an internal body snatcher as ridiculous...

I do not get much of that but when I do my ideal day is a nice summer, going for some walks, enjoying some music, working on some projects, making dinner later, maybe set myself up something fun to do the next day for a little adventure in my life. There was a week last summer where I was all...

This is actually just how a lot of mine go, I don't rememeber my dreams too often but I always have one's like this when I do. Dreams are extremely symbolic by nature. Yours there seems to have a common theme that mine has where there is like this demon that wants to "have me" and make me stop...

I'm also an age regress-er, it feels like I have 2 people in my body. One does the hard, ruthless work of driving my life and I'm just a child still. I also never had a childhood, I have a handful of good memories but they're very scattered about. I was not allowed to do much of anything, to...

Yeah that's what I found too, it's like I don't have the correct emotional responses and the one's that are there are extremely self protective. Sometimes I'll catch myself being a bit passive aggressive but I tend to avoid people when these emotions hit since I get more socially dysfunctional...

Now that gross example I feel all too well, it's almost like always throws the most crap your way when you need it the least in the situation. I used to be a heavy kratom user but stopped gradually towards the end of the Summer. I've over time made a lot of advances in my personal health...

Everyone lives and learns and I practice forgiveness as much as I can. That's actually what my story was like too, the cross section between Autism and PTSD can be extremely physically harmful and interestingly enough mine was violence too so this was even eye opening to read. I also when it's...

I started going outside more often every day for a walk if not just to go to the store regardless of how things are out there every day temperature wise because just having that extra space benefits me a lot, especially on a ay when everyone is around. I also created a private place online for...

I don't think I have, mine isn't the sharpest either but as of now I didn't know about that accomplishments topic.

Cooking for myself and nutrition are actually some of my favorite things to focus on in my life. Cooking once you learn the basics is something you never forget, I can cook my favorite dishes in my sleep. The process of cooking too for me later in the day before settling down with a nice dinner...

It's baffling how counter productive it is though because being more non-verbal and less expressive when your in front of the person anyways already can get you any number of negative reactions. I should say it is in general catching myself feeling relaxed subconsciously and then my brain just...

Yes it alone helps a lot to have people to relate to since I can't find anywhere else full of people with the same issues in general. This place doesn't seem to be the most active in the world but still probably the most and the PTSD reddit is pretty active but I don't trust everyone there to...

Trust is extremely difficult, I'm always open to having a friendly talk with someone as long as they don't come on way too strong for me to handle but it could take some time before I actually invite them into my life and I'm 99% sure they don't "have a dagger in their pocket" but there's always...

I was digging through this forum and found some other threads that touched on this topic but nothing recent. Does anyone else when they catch themselves feeling positive emotions around others, usually strangers or toxic family, revealing more about how you really are personality wise get hit...

I'm just like this actually, my aggression is the only thing that helps me survive. Relentless attention to detail and control over every possible variable that I can. One slip up and everything will catch up to me. I'm in a perpetual loop of aggressive progress, crashing, and mania. It gets...