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    Behavior Awareness... Changing Them

    I suffered from narcissistic abuse for three years. I had to witness horrible behaviors. The narc blatantly tried degrading me for control. I left and cut off all contact. However, I still suffer from residual damage. there are some things that I can't shake off. It's a reason why I have PTSD...
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    Paranoia

    For the past six years I've had excessive paranoia. It developed after PTSD was born. However, I was on Adderall for a month and it got a lot worse. It was so bad that I bought a knife and went to class with it attached to my belt for protection. When I talked to people I felt like they were out...
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    Narcissists: People Persuading You To Develop Ptsd

    I feel like I'm 95% at where I want to be in my recovery. There are three things that keep me from escaping the cave and standing out in the light again. First, and most importantly, is my narcissist older brother. The best way that I can describe is that he knocked my life off track. I had a...
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    Deteriorating

    I'm pretty sure that there is no other alternative than to hurt those that violated me. They laugh at the fact that I have not attacked them and are happy to label me as weak. I cut out my family because they intentionally pushed my buttons. Now, things aren't the same. I'm seen as the bad guy...
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    Avoidance

    I've noticed that a defense mechanism is working that causes me to avoid enjoying the moment or feeling comfortable and content with myself. If my mind enters a state of rest and acceptance suddenly the subconscious mind causes me to do something. Some actions include shifting focus...
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    Recovering Yourself. Who I'm Not Won't Suffice

    I know that PTSD has made me a different person. It's a person that I shouldn't be. I KNOW this. I know what feeling normal is. I know that people will say that I'm the person I am now because of what I've learned and it's a "good" thing. However, this person still isn't who I'm supposed to be...
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    Being Treated Like An Object

    I'm aware that I was treated as an object. There is a depressing and intrusive feeling that validates it. I didn't want to accept that I was being used for three years until I finally broke. I disconnected contact with my older brother for six years but the horrible feeling is still there. I'm...
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    Internalizing Negative Beliefs From Someone Else

    I used to have a confident and stable view of myself. However, for about three years I lived with my drug addict brother. Both of my parents passed away and we had to help each other. Surprisingly, he was uncaring and negative. I tried my best to tell him that living a sober life is the only...
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    Does The Mind Stop Denying And Accepts?

    The best way I can describe how my mind works is that there is a tidal wave of memories being blocked by a huge wall. I can't get rid of it because the wall will not break. So, the pressure continues to build. Sooner or later, this wave of memories has to come into my conscious mind. I think it...
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    The Mind Just Won't Let Go

    There are many times where I think that my mind is the actual enemy. It's not what I've been through, but the pettiness of how my mind works. No matter what I do, it always wants to hold on to the past. This has been the only time in my life when my mind can't move on. I've gone through plenty...
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    Too Many People Want Me To Fail

    I want to succeed in life but so many people want me to fail. People say not to let others get to you, but I don't know how this is possible. My life seems like it's a continuous battle against haters. One reason I developed PTSD was because of this. I always question what the point of being...
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    Trouble Moving On

    I post a lot regarding this issue, but it is something that is stopping me from moving forward with my life. My father passed away from a massive heart attack 10 years ago. He suffered horribly. I saw the aftermath. I don't know how to make peace with this. How can I have a positive outlook on...
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    Giving Up

    This is more of a philosophical question, but I notice something that has to be discussed. Six years ago, I had a breakdown. I couldn't handle the stress from my drug addict brother and the death of my father. I fought as hard as I could to not give up. However, my depression became so strong...
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    Finding Meaning

    It's been ten years since my father passed away. I thought that I would have made peace by now. However, it's not the fact that he passed that still troubles me. It's the way in which he did. Unfortunately, I saw him after the effects of a massive heart attack. That image never leaves my mind...
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    Letting Go Of Repressed Feelings

    I know that therapy is effective in helping one let go of repressed feelings. Other than that, are there any other ways of doing this at home? I have delved into meditation and binaural beats. In the book "Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Move on With Your Life", the author...
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    An Out Of The Ordinary "feeling"

    I have have PTSD for six years. For a couple years, I decided to isolate and just rest. I couldn't take outside pressures anymore and needed to put myself together. Currently, I'm still holding onto pain because it is where I feel secure. However, for the past month, there has been a "pulling"...
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    Holding Onto Pain After A Death

    A problem that I face is having to deal with the feeling that my traumatic memories are attacking me. For example, my father passed away from a massive heart attack. I saw the aftermath and it was very traumatic. Even after 10 years, I still am connected with that memory. If I try to do...
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    Using A Different Part Of The Brain

    I've realized that some of my thought processes are no longer being used since the trauma. It seems like I am less analytical and more creative than how I used to be. More than likely, emotional neglect has led me to think this way. During the trauma process, I started thinking to myself, "Why...
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    Changing Thought Processes. Good Or Bad?

    One of the issues I've had is being able to trust my thought processes. It is said that one should change them if something new is learned and can be used to his or her advantage. However, what if they were threatened by another person and you changed them out of sheer survival? I always feel...
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    Always End Up With The Same Answer

    I had to deal with a drug addict brother for three years. I wanted to help him but he used my caring nature to his advantage and was deceptive. He always tried to make me feel bad. I left a long time ago but still suffer from PTSD. No matter what I do, my brain tells me that the only way I won't...
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    Being Hurt Too Many Times. Giving Up.

    I've been hurt by many people that were close to me. The problem I face is that I cannot ever convince myself that the effort to make it in life is worth it. When I was doing very well the trauma occurred. When I was at my peak! It's like God chose the perfect time to ruin everything. I believe...
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    Question To Those Who Have Moved Away From Where Trauma Occurred

    I have the opportunity to leave my home city and move to a big city. I've been told that moving won't solve anything and I would just be running away from my problems but I have been dealing with this for six years. I've taken 12 weeks of therapy and taken medication. Still, the desire to get...
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    Broken Habits Because Of Broken Trust

    Hello. I've grappled putting the pieces back together in my life just to feel normal or back in tune. It always feels like I'm cut off from a part of life that I once was connected with and it interrupts my day to day functioning. It's like my thought processes malfunction. The best way that I...
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    Trapped Being Someone Else

    I have realized that I used to be comfortable with who I was and did not want to change. I was succeeding in life and my social life was well off. Then, two people were deceitful and left me hurt and betrayed. That was six years ago. Since then, I haven't been able to be that person that I once...
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    Overcoming Witnessing A Tragic Death

    *Please do not read if you are very sensitive Hello everyone. 10 years ago, my father died of a massive heart attack. It occured in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the next day, I literally saw the aftermath. I understand that death is a part of life and it is best to move on and do...
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