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My mind that won't let me alone. Incompetent counselors. The total disconnect with people, life and self. Trying to fix me.

Today went very well. The therapist was gracious and was able to give my sister a pretty basic outline of trauma and where I am at. She also gave her some DBT handouts which we have been working on albeit slowly because I see her two times a month and with the holidays some time was missed...

Thanks for all the replies. I used to ask too until I got turned down and turned away so much it now literally causes me physical pain to ask. I have been turned away from so many agencies because I make a few dollars more than their limit so I am not qualified and yet with my income things...

I have extreme difficulty asking for help. Many times in my life there was no one to ask, and other times I got blown off so I try to be very independent. But the truth is no one should be as alone as I am...like no man is an island Couple that with living with a psychopath where you were not...

One thing that I am thinking is...terminal uniqueness. I can do this to myself now...oh. it's too late for me; this is impossible; and that can go on and on and on. Usually when I am doing that, I am comparing myself to what normal would be in my mind and that results is hopelessness and...

Well, I am done here too. I think you are very arrogant and insulting. I was not talking about self-esteem; you treat everyone like they are an idiot. We are all looking for something deeper...who knows maybe you will have a magic wand waved over you, and poof, problem solved.

yes, starved for love...but looking in the wrong places for it only backfires. That is what I work on a lot...my opinion of me. It is a pretty big stretch for me to go from self-loathing to self-love so am taking it in increments...little baby steps at a time. Right now trying to like myself is...

So this is written to me really cause I need a good shakedown. Do not know if poster is impostor or not, but the thread sure helped me. So I am going back to my days in AA...the saying there are no people too dumb for this program, but there are plenty who are too smart. Not so much in AA, but...

I suppose it comes across that I am anti-medication. Really I am not. It is just that they don't work for me. I would say just roll with the good things and do not make problems where there are none. I am happy for you!!!!!!!!!!

I hesitated to respond to this thread because I feel very much like the poster. First let me say this as it is my truth. I am very happy for those who are able to take medications that help them and have the resources to find good mental health help, I just wish there could be a better...

I too have had barbaric treatment at the hands of the mental health system on more than one occasion. It has left a lot of scars and recently went back to that system because I do need help and do not know where to turn other then that. It really does scare me, but I am more knowledgeable now...

I had a deja vu moment yesterday. It was really weird. It was like I have been at this point before many long years ago. My mind wanted to take me down this big spiral to the bottom...like you are hopeless, you have made no progress and on and on and on. But that is a total lie. I have...

So tonight I am thinking just how bizarre life is. Thirty years ago when I went to AA, we only put $1 in the basket when they passed it...so fake it til you make only cost me financially a buck. Now I have this degreed counselor which they charge $179 per session ( I do not pay all that), and...

Have not posted in awhile. Have been too busy being overwhelmed and ashamed...I hate all the shame I carry and feel most of it has been fed to me, and for whatever reason I was all to willing to accept it. Anyway, a rant and a vent. So this trauma therapy I started...she is a nice...

I also have seen an increase in symptoms six years out of the marriage. I do think it is the full impact of it hitting you up beside the head that is more difficult to process. Going through it I was in stellar survival mode...he was special operations in Viet Nam and what I experienced with...

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned as of late...better late than never...is if I do not know what to do right now; do nothing. I got myself in some real messes by doing things I thought would make things better, but they were not well thought out. I also do not give advise because...

Oh. I had a good laugh out of your saying she is insane! Not at you or your situation at all...I feel great empathy for you and that difficult situation. But how many times I was clearly dealing with insane people and trying to make sense of it or to reason with them I have found insanity...

When I spoke of your true self, I was referring to your spirit. I believe it is still there buried way down deep beneath all the crap. I believe i have a wondrous beautiful spirit, but I worry I am too far gone to ever gain sight of it again. I have let people shame me and push me around for...

I am racking my brain trying to think what to say to you. The only thing I can say for sure if that I so relate to everything you say...all the frustrations, pain and difficulty. Maybe we are just trying to get a foundation to start from, and it is really difficult. To be honest most of the...

I think your ideas are good...we just expressed it differently. Being functional is a wonderful thing...I love it when I am and am incredibly hard on myself when I am not. Functionality for me now is I am doing these things (tasks) for myself not to gain acceptance or approval. When I was...

I am not a performance based person at all. I like to work and feel great pride in a job well done, but do not think that defines who I am. I see so many people who are workaholics and just cannot stop and without that they would have no worth at all. I find society to be very shallow...like...

I am so blown away because I have never heard anyone express what you are saying and it is so me. I get so hung up on rules and get so confused because no one seems to follow them...they can break every rule and come out smelling like a rose. I follow all the rules and still end up being...

I just feel an intense need ti reply to this thread. I believe I was meant to read it. I have suspected for some time I am on the spectrum. I have mentioned it to psychiatrists before, but they just blew me off...I think it is easier to put other labels on you and fill you full of drugs. I...

You have my utmost empathy. I suppose I have gotten rather bitter over the years or maybe I have just wised up. After years of having to deal with agencies of all sorts, I have learned to advocate for myself...big time. I would like to tell you it has made things better. It really for me has...

Had appointment with counselor today. Actually I was pleasantly surprised. She was very easy to talk to. We are going to work on getting me stabilized before delving into the trauma work. Also for awhile I need to stop overloading myself with info cause it is making it worse at this time...