I feel like my issues are too complex to recover from

[Hojay]

"I could solve this problem easily if I could control myself" That's a catch 22 my friend.

Come on, you're smarter than this. That's not Catch 22. It's a Catch 22 when the rule that determines the outcome is outside of one's control--or else, you know, it wouldn't be a rule. An example of a Catch 22 rule is this: "I will only be admitted to a psychiatric hospital if I fill out a questionnaire. In filling out the questionnaire I am deemed sane enough to function. That means, I won't be admitted to a psychiatric hospital whether I fill out a questionnaire or not." Note here that the subject has no control over the rules that govern whether or not he will be admitted, making it an inherently absurd concept.

So what is the "rule" that is making this a Catch 22 for you? That you can't control yourself? That's a belief not a rule. So at least term it as such ("I'm afraid I can't control myself enough to get better") and don't try to hide behind falsely applied experiments in logics.

 

[Deleted member 39476]

Come on, you're smarter than this. That's not Catch 22. It's a Catch 22 when the rule that determines the...

Most german post of 2018 so far :)

"I have a disability that prevents me from doing the very thing required to recover from the disability."

 

[Hojay]

Most german post of 2018 so far

Ha, what would make you say that? I'm a lot of things, but not German.

"I have a disability that prevents me from doing the very thing required to recover from the disability."

That's more like it! Now the very assumption of being "prevented" from doing something would have to be checked for cause and therefore accuracy to properly call it a "rule," but that's something only you can figure out with time, healing, and life experience.

 

[EveHarrington]

"I could solve this problem easily if I could control myself" That's a catch 22 my friend.



When I wa...

So I’m other words, you are just here to argue with us with no intention of changing your mindset?

I’m calling TROLL.

Peace out. Good luck with that mindset. And yeah, thanks for wasting everyone’s time when people are just trying to help. How rude.

 

[Ms Priss]

So this is written to me really cause I need a good shakedown. Do not know if poster is impostor or not, but the thread sure helped me.
So I am going back to my days in AA...the saying there are no people too dumb for this program, but there are plenty who are too smart. Not so much in AA, but the rest of my life I have been too smart for my own good...thinking I know when I do not know jack and creating more and more trauma, pain and confusion. To think my mind is going to give me an answer is a misnomer...the only thing my mind is capable of doing is producing more of the same with the same results.

Second thing...there were a series of books floating through AA...not actually AA literature, but written for alcoholics and the author spoke many times at AA functions. They were called The Golden Books, and I think there was ten of them. The only two I can remember are: The Golden Book of Excuses and The Golden Book of Self-pity. I think the reason they are coming back to me now is because that is me to a tee. I wasn't this way before...I was balls to the wall doing things...trouble was I did not have a clue and was doing all the wrong things. The biggest error was doing this unstoppable chase for things external...it was an obsession really...just another addiction...the one that replaced alcohol. The thing is none of it worked out and I was left more wounded, beat up and battered every time...but I could not see anything else.I too have felt on top of the world when starting some relationships...til they all fell apart...they had to there was no other way..because it is true a relationship can only be as healthy as the two people in it...and the sick attract the sick., and on and on.

So my mind produces every excuse why I cannot do this, why it will not work and will show me the video of my life which is nothing more than a rocky mountain horror show...it is showing me all the evidence to back up those excuses...and believe me @ 66 it is a pretty lengthy video and once it starts there is no stopping it...it is the perfect excuse maker and the perfect weapon to beat me to a pulp.

The second thing is self-pity...I have been the queen of that lately...it talked in that book what a putrid thing it is really and it is -it stinks all over the place. Good weapon to keep you down and stuck and chase people away.

There are a lot of truths about me I am seeing lately...it is kinda like swallowing glass...but if I do not have the awareness there is not a snowball chance to move forward...and that is the truth.

Remembering AA again...90 meetings in 90 days ...if not better we will refund your money (just a saying cause it cost no money) so my mind says why not try what they are saying for recovery for 90 days...nothing to lose...so I am on day 5.

The other thing is I have been to hell and back so many times in my life and in the gutter too. Been around the block enough to know how many people die as a result of drugs and alcohol and how many people with mental health issues commit suicide..seen it with my own eyes.
So if I for whatever reason am being given one more chance, who am I to throw it away one more time.

No, my recovery will not look like what that chase said it should be...those opportunities passed me by. But I have experienced grace in the fact I am housed, fed, have an income, etc. etc. The chase never allowed me to be grateful for what I do have and have been given.

The other thing that is amazing (grace) is what I have survived because the fact is I am the least street wise person I know...so something was looking out for me...they used to say fools and drunks and I qualify for both!!!!

anyway, giving myself a good shakedown..if it helps anyone else taht is an added bonus.

 

[ninja]

What do you achieve by looking for perfectly logical methodology to move forward?
Human beings are not purely rational animals. Why limit yourself to only looking at those methods which are logically airtight? Your behavior (& emotions) is not perfectly logical (no ones is), whose to say it will respond to a logical method. There are reasons for your behaviors and feeling, though not necessarily logical ones. We make false associations sometimes unconsciously and consciously and respond to those associations.
Of note, methods that haven’t worked in the past are not necessarily ‘out of the question’ and destined to not work now or in the future. It can be beneficial to revisit, with new perspective.

 

[Sideways]

You don’t want to chip away at your own recovery because you know that when you get a girlfriend, your problems are instantly solved. Which is better than having tp work for it.

In the meantime, you propose to sit on the couch.

There’s denial and hopelessness. Which are symptoms.

Then there’s plain old laziness.

You know what’s really sad about this, is if you sit on that couch long enough, refusing to work to get better? Depression loves that. You have good prospects of getting more disabled than you are now if you keep doing what you’re doing.

CBT isn’t a political party. Science says it works. Science doesn’t say “You’re gonna like CBT”. But hell, any argument you wanna run to keep you from having to get off the couch eh!?

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, love is always newness, distractions, endorphins and acceptance.

What else brings you that?

FWIW, I think healing is rarely linear.

But steps forward, joy, peace, gratitude- are forward.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Neverthesame]

Troll or not? I don't know, or care.

I'm done with this thread. So I'll leave with this, before I say something I'll regret later.

@jameson Look. I don't know what's up with you exactly. All I know is I am rapidly losing my ability to give a f*ck.
I can't tell if you're screwing with us, really stuck in a desperate psychological struggle or just lazy. Perhaps some combination of the three?

Whatever the reason, you are not hopeless. That's never going to be a valid excuse. But whatever, if that's the pile of manure you want to sit atop and declare yourself king? Have fun. Don't let the dung beetles bite.

Every behaviour you have displayed here for us can be treated.

A desperately depressed person can always find a foothold in their pit of despair. They just have to feel around for it in the dark.
A lazy person lost in the wilderness will eventually figure out the only way back to the sofa is by putting one foot in front of the other.
A petulant child will one day learn that their actions and words have real ramifications beyond the end of their own nose. That sooner or later something is going to come along to overwhelm them and their pleas for help will go unanswered. They then learn that life isn't friendly or fair, it's time to grow up.

Whichever one applies to you, I hope you learn the lesson sooner than later. If it's the first two, feel free to come back when you're ready to learn.

If it's the last one?
@Ms Priss's post is a great example of how people who are suffering can find the good and hopefulness even in the negative. She, right there, made all of the frustration and time of trying to reach out to help you worthwhile.
If you are indeed just taking the piss out of us?
She just stole your thunder young lad.

Take care, and best of luck to you.

 

[Deleted member 39476]

What do you achieve by looking for perfectly logical methodology to move forward?

I'm not looking for perfection I'm looking for decency. A lot of suggestions don't even come close to meeting standards of basic decency.

There’s denial and hopelessness. Which are symptoms.

This is exactly the kind of garbage advice I was complaining about. "He rejects my idea, that must be a symptom of his problem." No, I just don't like your idea. The whole concept of seeing someone who is complaining about being unable to live life, and thinking a real solution is trying to show them how to pretend to live a normal life without changing why they can't - is absolute crap.

Well, love is always newness, distractions, endorphins and acceptance.

It's a fundamental human need that I've been starved of badly for my entire life, I just didn't realize how badly I was starved until I got a very small taste of it. It's possible to source that kind of love internally, I just haven't got there yet and am stuck.

A desperately depressed person can always find a foothold in their pit of despair. They just have to feel around for it in the dark.
A lazy person lost in the wilderness will eventually figure out the only way back to the sofa is by putting one foot in front of the other.
A petulant child will one day learn that their actions and words have real ramifications beyond the end of their own nose. That sooner or later something is going to come along to overwhelm them and their pleas for help will go unanswered. They then learn that life isn't friendly or fair, it's time to grow up.

It's none of those things.

 

[Hojay]

It's possible to source that kind of love internally, I just haven't got there yet and am stuck.

That's the first, most hopeful thing I've read from you. You're right, it's possible. And the beginning and end of most of this stuff. I'm glad you can see that and also just see that you're stuck there without qualifying or judging. It's not permanent. Nothing is. You change, environments change, life changes, things come unstuck. And I don't mean girls wander in and jump start it all..no, sometimes the pain just gets so bad there's no other way than to break open.

 

[Ms Priss]

yes, starved for love...but looking in the wrong places for it only backfires.
That is what I work on a lot...my opinion of me. It is a pretty big stretch for me to go from self-loathing to self-love so am taking it in increments...little baby steps at a time. Right now trying to like myself is enough.

For me it means many different things... I like me enough and care about me enough to set some boundaries and not let people use me or shame me. I care about me enough to eat a decent meal. I care about myself enough to start doing some things to help myself. You get the drift...to me that all amounts to loving ones self....very much a process not an event.

I believe in my heart you can do this. You do have a right to discern when something is not working for you. Hell. I took so much bad advice...but there is a balance there too...they call it contempt prior to investigation...have to at least try some things...maybe opening the mind a bit.

So starved for love and fearful...we both can work on that...cause truly we both are worth it.

At the risk of sounding preachy,,,hope you can do it now while you are young...will save you much heartache, and what's a little work and effort now if it saves you from more trauma?