I Must Be Too Complex For Proper Medical Attention..... Ever.

[goingonhope]

You did so well in the ER.

Yes, and thank you seedling!

Some of what I haven't shared from the other night's ER experience too was that it was the first time that I was able to actually make a decision to go, or to not go, to an emergency room for myself, since my accident.

I personally did end up in the ER two other times in between, but really both these times, I hadn't much if any choice. One was a couple weeks out of the auto accident and with severe post concussive symptoms and while in horrific emotional pain from my experience of another ER, just two wks earlier.

And, the other time I was following thru with an urgent psychiatrist appt. which I'd been asked to see, and even though I was far too greatly ill from abnormal stressors and had just seen a plastic surgeon the day before and he too couldn't help me.

I shouldn't have gone to that appt. because I ended up saying yes, when asked whether I'd thought that I needed to speak with someone longer then the 15 min.'s regularly allotted time, and I was thereafter escorted to that ER. This proved to be horrific for me then because of my terror, flashbacks and rage at being there and then quite naturally all that medication and the hospitalization which followed. And, I got diagnosed there with affective traumatic brain deregulation, whatever on earth that is.

My point is that I didn't have much of a choice, and I did have more choice last week. I'm so glad that even the nurse there was able to check herself and make decent decisions, as she and I almost had a personality conflict. Initially she'd waited as if in expectation for me to answer her faster and more directly, as to whether or not I wanted to be treated there. Omg, when I ever asked her who the attending doctor was that evening and then clarified that it wasn't a particular one, she and the other nurse corrected my pronounciation on the name, looked at each other interestingly-like and both responded that No, it wasn't her. So then I was greatly relieved and signed to be treated.

Again though during the middle of that visit, I'd asked a question about who was to read my X'ray and other test-thingy and she responded that the doctor that was on was able to read it and then said, ER Doctors can do anything!

O.k., sure. Whatever.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Hope,

I haven't been on for a few days, but I am so glad to see that you sought medical attention. Congratulations on taking yourself to the ER, and that was so brave of you. Be proud of yourself. :) (I was also so happy to hear that you are treating and it wasn't anything life threatening.)

Medical personnel are just like any other people, good, bad and indifferent. I am glad you had a positive experience this time and hopefully it will lessen the anxiety of future medical issues. (Not that I ever hope you have to go back to the emergency room.)

Hope, this is the hardest lesson that I had to learn. I have done as you have, always pushing myself and attending to the needs and wants of others before I even considered any of my own. The truth is there is a time and a place for self-sacrifice, but to do it continually does not set a good example for our children. They learn by watching us, and I have been working hard to take a little time for me and put myself first, so my girls can see that being a women does not mean giving up yourself in service of others. Sometimes telling them "no" is a good thing, as they see the role of "wife" and "mother" does not negate being human.

Please get well soon.

Deb

 

[goingonhope]

Wow, again for the first time in quite the chunk of time I actually feel some real hope again.

I just returned from meeting my new GP doctor for the follow-up on last wks. brochospasmatic attack. I continue with predisone, antibiotic, albuterol inhaler. However, I still continue with smoking and have smoked a pack cigg's a day for the last number of days. I did make it the first 3 days just chewing nicotine gum, but then there was just too little to no ability to focus, think, etc. etc. All of which weren't so the other times in which I've quit.

Anyhow, todays doctor visit was most revealing and constructive, additionally so far as my acute brochitis, I checked out well. I'm doing well with remembering predisone, the albuterol I'm told is not as important and can be forgotten, as he stated it is unlikely to be forgotten when absolutely necessary. And, as far as the antibiotic, well then I messed up taken this, (yet only for the last 36 hrs. - too great of stressors, trigger, lost and too little will and memory resulting) ....too late to undo this, yet I'm told to correct this right away and back on the antibiotic.

 

[goingonhope]

Anyhow, todays doctor visit was most revealing and constructive,

As I said I met him for the first time, ...now yesterday, and he asked me what brought me there and I told him ER follow-up from acute brochitis.

He reviewed the medical records sent him and wanted to focus on and discuss my traumatic brain injury. His near entire focus was on his concern with me getting the services I need. I must say, that his great concerns for me with this, and his recommendation on whom to see, as well as, his order to follow through with this immediately, and other directions were pretty convincing.

He approached all of what he wanted me to know and do, in an understanding and very calm way which I've never seen. He told me that he knows about traumatic brain injury and that he has other patients with it. And, that he wanted to see me get help with it.

He did check my lungs well before leaving, and had said somethings regarding their improved condition, my medications for brochitis, nicotine gum, ciggerettes and more and all of what I might do; Which was surprisingly very attainable.

I am relieved to know for certain what's what.

 

[goingonhope]

because of my terror, flashbacks and rage at being there

I don't know what on earth I was saying when I said rage at being there. Correction. More like, I was rageful at the realities of something and someone particular and just how badly this something and someone already had and was costing me in the form of huge amounts of unneccessary additional stressors and creation of additional trauma and triggers.

 

[anthony]

I think its awesome hope that you have a good GP now.

The experts are learning more and more about TBI, but to be perfectly honest, it all takes time to filter down through the medical arena, especially when talked about in combination with PTSD. TBI isn't new, TBI + PTSD is quite a hot topic, because much of TBI's and PTSD's symptoms directly overlap, so one could have TBI and be misdiagnosed as PTSD, or one could have PTSD and be misdiagnosed with TBI when both a head accident and traumatic event are present / combined, then a person can have both, which heightens the symptoms further, because both TBI and PTSD are multiplying a specific symptom.

 

[goingonhope]

I think its awesome hope that you have a good GP now.

Thank you, anthony.

 

[goingonhope]

My medical history and conditions are too complex for any proper ER medical services. Either that or doctors are just plain f'n idiots.

My symptoms today, all tonight and even now, had me absolutley terrifed (now only feeling absolutely hopeless and frightened) and yet thru so much earlier and with those symptoms it's confusion, helplessness, pain, suffering, fear and complete embarrassment, I just absolutely know that I cannot go to the ER for any relief of symptoms arising out from brain injuries, as well as, progressive MS, nor the resulting most difficult anxiety/panic/hopelessness and SI thoughts that this sh't leaves me with.

It is rather foolish of me to ever go and expect proper care or any care whatsoever there no matter how much pain, discomfort and panic, with that escalating stress and greater illness that this suffering leaves me with.

The various, simultaneous symptoms, from too numerous of multiply occurring conditions, as well as, considering the misinformation prior ER doc's have concluded and inaccurately recorded regarding me, is all too complex for hope of me ever receiving useful ER services or care.

 

[goingonhope]

I just returned from meeting my new GP doctor

Anyhow, todays doctor visit was most revealing and constructive,

Inwardly, I am feeling so disappointed that I learned today that my still fairly new GP, (one of two doctors who have actually been most helpful) is leaving this area and practice he is in. This is so disappointing for our community. I leaned of this when I spoke up and asked the secretary if the medical center ever nominated doctors there in regards to excellence and it was through this that I learned of his departure all too soon.

I did make a comment afterwards, as if joking, (which brought some laughs), but while I was thinking still rather seriously. It was about how though we would miss him and the quality care he provides, that perhaps it was just as well that he move-on before he became entirely too burnt out within this particular area. (small city)

I think it was, my first appt. with him, we had chatted regarding certain outstanding poor-quality dynamics in this area's patient's motivations and within too great of a share of its addictive community. I had commented then too, that similar yet differing dynamics, all to often were present within it's medical practices, professions and care as well. I had actually left my first appt. and that chat feeling mixed worry and feelings about what he likely would encounter far much more of and partly resulting from how experienced and resultingly disheartened (from only just those first several weeks) he already appeared and which I worried he later might become.

Really, I don't know why he's leaving, but I'm most definately gonna miss him, his enormous medical contributions, his character, humility and such excellence in professional care.

We are all gonna miss him so, so much! :(

:(