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So my last roommate (a girl) wanted to move somewhere else, and so she found a guy to sublease her place. Which I really didn't think would be a problem (I'm a girl), so I didn't say anything. I mean I've dealt A LOT with my trust issues with men, and I've improved significantly to the point...

Oh...maybe I should clarify for those who don't know. He, in no way, hurt me. He was a kid too. We got through it together. We were very close. If anyone's curious to know more I suggest reading my last post. Sorry to give you the wrong impression @WildMermaid

For those who have read my previous post, you know that there was a kid I was close to during my/our abuse. I've since felt the need to contact him, because I just need to talk to him about everything. Well...I "ran into" him a few days ago. I put "ran into" in quotation marks because we didn't...

In a lot of ways the diagnosis was amazing and exactly what I needed. I had been struggling for years in therapy with anxiety and intimacy issues with no real understanding as to why. So when I finally figured out what it was...well, it sucked and it was hard to process at first...but after...

@FridayJones Please look for it. I'd love to hear your story. @scout86 That's what I'm thinking. Although, I am nervous. I'm unsure about how I will handle it if he effectively says no. Not with him in person - I know I can walk away and accept it; I just want him to be happy - but outside of...

@anonymous I forgot to mention, I'm pretty sure he knows. I know that might be hard to understand considering I'm not 100% sure it's him. But one of the reasons, or one of the things that "added up", was after we met I was standing outside, leaving, and I looked back at him. He was staring right...

I've been wanting for a long time now to contact a boy who I was very close to during my (and his) sexual abuse. I kept putting it off, but now I really want to talk to him. It's at a point where I'll do just about anything to talk to him again. I guess it's less of a "want" and more of a "need"...

@IbanezPanic82 Yeah, I've done the driving thing to Austin. And I plan to make a trip up north in the next month or so to see how I like it. But yeah, I mean, I guess my confusion is just typical PTSD. Which is kind of soothing to know. @Radise Yeah, you're right, I am fully aware of what I...

I've been wanting to get out of my hometown since I was barely even a teenager. But with my PTSD, it was like every single time I attempted to get out or to move...it wouldn't work out well at all. I really only had two attempts, but they ended so poorly it kind of scarred me and kept me down. I...

Weird. I never thought about my own issues in that regard, but that would make a lot of sense. Since I've truly recognized my abuse, it has felt very distant in a lot of ways. And yet, in so many ways, so obviously painful. And I never thought about it in terms of not being able to accept or...

I wouldn't say it's been a bad experience...but I don't care for it. I really don't like talking about it, and though I know I should...I just...can't. I think it's easier with my friends than it is with my family actually.

Yeah, I didn't remember a big chunk of some childhood abuse. So you're not alone. I was only three, so even though I remember now...a lot of my memories are more "feeling" based than anything. Though I do have some very brief clear memories. But I too felt kind of "dead", I guess, in terms of...

@joeylittle I really, really like that analogy actually. Personally for me, as I mentioned before, I was promiscuous in nature, meaning I certainly wanted it and without the one horrible experience I got when I was 14, I probably would've been a lot more sexually active. Probably similar to your...

@Solara @somerandomguy You know what? Whatever. I never asked for your opinion. And it's not like I think about it in some magical f*cking way. I never said I was looking to heal together. Excuse me for just realizing all of this shit about two months ago, mind you, and trying my best to...

@somerandomguy How exactly is it none of my business? You don't know what we went through, how that's affected me, and how it's affected him. I get it's been 23 years, he's not currently in my life (because he moved away when we were so young), but he will always be a big part of my life. I...

@somerandomguy No, I wasn't talking about the abuse, and I am in no way minimizing what happened at all. I was specifically talking about how he may enjoy sex today - and how that has an effect on me, mainly because I can't really enjoy it because of the rape I experienced later on as a...

@Solara No, no, no that's not what I meant. I think I geared it towards guys because I'm just trying to figure out why the boy I was abused with was so sexual...and I wasn't. And I don't know, I think it bothers me on some level to know he may have enjoyed it. Some weird combination of jealousy...

As a female, who had a lot of issues as a teenager, I'm interested to hear the other perspective from male sexual abuse survivors. Sex for me was a compulsion, but unfortunately, it got me into a situation that was essentially rape (they were much older.) After that, as much as I wanted it, I...

@FridayJones @Lionheart777 @Intrepid But isn't it strange that we're so sensitive to this? I don't know. I know it's a very common symptom, but I just don't understand why. Especially since there was nothing "violent" per se on my end - I wasn't at war, I wasn't brutally raped, I didn't see...

Right now I'm having a lot of problems. Today was one of the worst days in a very long time. I could just feel the fear so deep within me it scares me. Since I was a kid I've had a pretty bad sense of "impending doom". I was just sensitive to any "bad" notion of death - murder, plane/car...

Yeah, I agree with everyone. Don't rush it. The same exact thing just happened to me. I came on here, explaining it, and everyone told me the same thing: don't rush it. I didn't listen, haha...but eventually I did. Becaue I realized when I would force it, I couldn't tell what was real and what...

My abuse is something I don't even fully remember. But to an extent yes, I get a "sick" feeling that will hit me right in the gut. It's a very distinct feeling, so much so that even if it's something I don't directly remember, I can now pinpoint a trigger without the memory. I already have...

@The Albatross I understand, and that's a very zen way to look at this. I'm just the kind of person who has to know why. I will ask questions until I get my answers. To be fair, this hasn't failed me yet in my struggle with PTSD. It's just hard to let go of that "why". I understand how at this...

@The Albatross and @Loveneverfails You guys are right. It's just painful and strange to realize the connection between that guy and my repressed memories. And I just feel sick over it. I know there's no reason to dwell on it. I can't really do anything about it. But I've been longing for this...

I'm having a lot of problems as of late. I always remembered my abuse from when I was 14, and eventually as a child, about 3/4. Recently though I've noted and told my therapist that I think it's strange I've spent a good chunk (or really, all of) my life searching for a particular guy who...