How Do I Overcome My Fear Of My Ptsd So I Can Move Out?

[somethingsomething]

I've been wanting to get out of my hometown since I was barely even a teenager. But with my PTSD, it was like every single time I attempted to get out or to move...it wouldn't work out well at all. I really only had two attempts, but they ended so poorly it kind of scarred me and kept me down. I would later figure out it was my PTSD that was keeping me overwhelmed. It's been about six years since my last attempt, and I know I'm not the same person...if at all. I've come a long, long way since then. I'm fairly independent (still living at home though), I'm no longer so lost in my own world I can't see reality for what it is, I save my money/live on a budget, I'm pursuing my dream job as much as I can right now, etc. I'm almost at a 180 from where I was then.

But...ah yes, the but...I still have PTSD. I go through periods where I think I'm totally fine, and then bam, I remember something new. Granted, my problems are a lot more sparse now. Before it was like everything had the potential to stress me out - all external factors. But now, it's more strictly related to my memories. And those come and go, I process them, and I find ways to move on and accept it eventually.

But when it gets bad from a memory - it's hard just being here - in my hometown, working at my family's business, surrounded by people I know. I could only imagine how hard it would be to live a thousand miles away. But I need to get out of here. I have wanted this for so long, and I've stayed here for so long. I kept telling myself and trying to show myself how awesome where I am is. But it hit me about a year ago that I'm just not happy here. There's more out there, and I need to be out there. I'm 26-years-old, and there's nothing keeping me here besides my family - which has severly fallen apart in the past few months. So pretty much nothing is keeping me here anymore...other than my PTSD.

To make matters worse, I've started even contemplating moving to NYC. (Or more likely a closer, smaller city like Philly.) Which I can't even tell if I'm insane for pursuing or not. My therapist doesn't see a problem with me moving to NYC, but I clearly have my doubts. Austin is probably the safest bet for me - it's much closer to home, I know people there, and it has what I need in terms of pursuing my dream. But I've been very drawn to the NE as of late, and I very seriously want to take it into consideration.

There's just so many what if's. But I can't let this trap me. I want to be able to move to NYC if I want to. I want to be able to do whatever I want and not let it get in the way. But sometimes this thing has a mind of its own, you know? I don't want to let my PTSD decide where I should move, but then again, it's a part of me and I have to accept that.

I'm curious to hear if any of you have tips or thoughts on this. And if you have moved far away, what happened? Did certain things help or make it worse?

 

[Deleted member 28845]

These are really confusing questions with someone suffering from PTSD. Most of us worry about shit that we have no control over, at the same time, cannot picture a future for ourselves.
My personal advice to you would be that you save up a few thousand dollars, and just start driving.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey Something, it sounds as if you already know what to do. You say you have been wanting to leave the house. That it is not your place. But that the voice of PTSD is afraid of it. Well, maybe it's time to speak up for yourself, instead of listening to what the PTSD has to say.

Obviously it is still important to take the PTSD voice into consideration, like for example (even if you move to NY) you'd need accommodation that makes you feel safe and isn't surrounded by triggers. I find it is good to chase your dreams, but it is also important to think about it in a realistic way.

Some times moving out of a situation can be the best thing you have ever done. For me, moving out of my last home was.

 

[somethingsomething]

@IbanezPanic82 Yeah, I've done the driving thing to Austin. And I plan to make a trip up north in the next month or so to see how I like it. But yeah, I mean, I guess my confusion is just typical PTSD. Which is kind of soothing to know.

@Radise Yeah, you're right, I am fully aware of what I want. It's definitely something that is happening, but it doesn't stop the fear, you know? It doesn't help that I felt this aware of what I wanted when I was 20. Moved to L.A. by way of car. And within hours of getting there, freaked out and was already planning my trip home. But I'm not that same person anymore, so I really need to stop using that as a frame of reference. It just wasn't pleasant, cost me a lot of money, and put me back at square one. And I'm terrified of that happening again. I can't go back to square one. I can't move to NYC, hate it and then move home. Moving home is no longer an option, because I am so sick and tired of being here. And yet, it somehow still feels like a trap.

And you're right - I think avoiding triggers is number one. In LA, I moved to Koreatown, did not feel safe at all from the moment I got there. And it didn't help that my roommates kept talking about all the theft and shit in the area. Thanks guys! So yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Triggers are my biggest fear with NYC actually - not feeling safe. It's one of the reasons why I'm so drawn to other cities in the area. I can have a car, the odds of me having a nicer place in a nicer area are greater, etc. But overall "not feeling safe" is what worries me.

And you're also right that I need to stop listening to my PTSD. I've been doing that for so long. I can't live in fear of it anymore. I just need to figure out how to plan the move enough so I'm comfortable through and through.

 

[somerandomguy]

Will you be able to provide for yourself in your new town? NYC is the most expensive place to live in the country, and is entirely unaffordable if you don't already have a very good job or a free place to stay. The northeastern US in particular is an expensive place to be.

 

[scout86]

I moved out of my parent's house and my hometown when I was 17 and it was the best thing I've ever done. But, everyone is different. I've lived in 6 or 7 states,and an assortment of places within states. At one point, I figured it out and I'd moved 19 times in 10 years. (Most of those were small scale moves.)

Something I do if I can is have some place to go TO set up before I move. A job, a place to stay, a specific reason for going, like school. Something so that I don't end up in a strange place with no connections to anything at all. That might be more important for some people than others. I'm not very out going, would happily isolate, and in the long run that's not good. Better to have a reason to get out and meet people. If you don't have problems with that, it's probably different.

Are you still in therapy? If so, I'd definitely try to get some kind of connection like that set up in advance. Maybe regardless, since relocating, especially for the first time, can be stressful. (Good stress!) Play with the idea in your head. Imagine what your life would be like. What you'd need to do, to consider. How you'd spend your time, etc.

Then, give yourself time once you get there. I tend to think "If I don't like it here after a month, I'll think about moving." I've hated a lot of places and jobs for the first month that turned out ok. There are exceptions, but it nearly always takes awhile to get used to a new place. I think this is especially true when you haven't had a chance to get used to the process of getting used to new places.

"Feeling safe" is over rated. Life is an adventure! You've taken the first step, seems to me, by looking for information.