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I fear people because I seem to get accused of things I did not do. Today I got an abusive note on my car outside the units for not parking correctly and putting other drivers off. The reason I did it was because when I parked the person in front forced me to park further back. I got accused...

I have started saying "It is not your fault" Like in Good Will Hunting. It feels like it is working and I clearly see my father as a criminal psychopath. I first did it as a bit of a joke about how Hollywood portrays therapy as a magic bullet.

I have been challenging my contemptible self loathing dialogue with repetition of reality checks. I have a sore jaw all the time because I absorbed my fathers screwed up face and screamed abuse. My therapist helped me learn that there is an adult in here as well as a broken child...

To put up that notice and lights in an extremely sarcastic manner and then telling you she is leaving is horrible. I think you dodged a bullet and will move on and get a woman who appreciates you. I would look back over the relationship and evaluate her negative behaviour and at least learn...

I finally set up my channel. It is a 5 minute stand up in my loungeroom. It is my first attempt and was nervous and the lighting is not great but my goal was to get something on a channel. I try to set achievable goals. I will do a better job and upgrade when I get some energy. I have had...

I finally finished my stand up in my loungeroom and posted it on my You Tube channel.

Funnily enough yesterday was the first day I noticed this part of the forum. Avoidance by not noticing? It helped me get off the couch and record my comedy routine and record it. I put it into my computer and the lighting needs some work and I need to relax a bit more. I have set up a You...

I find it is important to break it into manageable chunks. Just taking one item or vacuuming one room. Sometimes I have to really push myself by saying over and over "just do it". Hope this helps.

I am a man and have suffered from impotence all my life. I remember about 6 women getting up out of bed and walking away. I don't blame them. I was not able to even admit I was impotent and that is why I merrily went on my way disappointing women lol. I decided I needed to get to know myself...

I binge watched the second series yesterday. It is an amazing rollercoaster of emotion but may be too triggering for those suffering grief. It has some foul language so may not appeal to all. Ricky Gervais is a genius. I cried and laughed in equal measure. I have so much grief in me I...

I was 33 when my truth caught up with me. I resigned from the NSW Police force in Australia and fell apart. I had PTSD, but not from my work but from my childhood. I laughingly say I joined with PTSD to save time. I had gone to a lot of domestics in my last 6 months and seeing kids cowering...

I thought you were a gambler who was happy about doing ten thousand dollars. Shows where my head goes lol. Congrats.

I have recently gone from calling people God botherer's who worship a Sky Fairy to a believer. I am the sort of person who has lived in his head and used my logic and my mouth as a defence against feelings and spirituality. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous in 1984 and struggled with the Higher...

I suffer from chronic fatigue due to may PTSD and depression. If I get any infection I crash completely. I have recently been diagnosed with a minor infection in a molar where I had a root canal years ago. I have inflammation in the gums around the tooth. I don't know if it is enough to...

Sorry Missycat, that must be difficult. I cant watch Law and Order Sex victims unit. Take care.

It is so automatic it is scary. It is out of my mouth before I think. I have insulted people I like. I think it is a form of disassociation. I think I am so sociophobic I push people away. I also think there is an angry kid inside with so much repressed rage I am smearing my shit over the...

Thank you all for responding. Thanks Candor. I go around in circles on the hate/compassion thing. I know my demons and have been very verbally cruel in my life and still can be. I have never been violent or sexually inappropriate but I know I have hurt people. I guess it is a matter of...

I get upset over a few movies. The scene in Mommy Dearest where she goes hysterical over wire coat hangers. It is my mother to a tee over a streak of suds on the sink. This boy's life with De Niro. His belittling of his step son Leonardo De Caprio sets me off. Lately it was a mini series...

I have been watching the series Patrick Melrose about a man who was raped by his father. I think about the cruelty of my father and try to fathom how a man could be so vicious to his son. I need to do this so I can put the abusive voice in my head back to that dead bastard. I think under the...

I love to play Texas Hold em Poker. I do not win often and can go a whole night without getting a playable hand. I enjoy it anyway. I also never win at any games at the casino. I have a theory that depression affects luck. Sounds a bit mystical and it is only from my experience. Have any...

This is my last demon. I was constantly abused by both parents. One time, when I was ten, my father grabbed me by my shirtfront and with his face inches from mine and bright red he screamed "I hate your guts." The trauma was like being electrocuted and the terror and panic and helplessness...

Because I sometimes vague out I have got in trouble in Bridge and someone was going to call the director because they thought I was sending a message to my partner. I vagued out while at a self serve in the supermarket late at night and found security followed me for 2 nights and stood behind...

I am 62 now and have had stress and anxiety to the max all my life. I was doing sit ups once and the instructor said I had the stiffest back he had ever seen. Massive fear from childhood violence. I have suspected because of the cumulative affect of it all I would get sick as I got older. In...

Watched a Youtube of Frank Sinatra and Don Rickles where Frank tells a story where Don is at a restaurant with a young lady. He asks Frank to come over and say hello to impress her. Frank goes over and says hi and Rickles says angrily "Hey Frank I'm eating here." The other time I roared was 2...

Thank you for all the responses. I guess I call it mindfulness because I am being present for what is going on inside me. I have used lots of diversions and substances to avoid feeling. I have been dissociated for all my life. My psych strongly emphasises doing it from the observer...