I have been thinking about what the trigger might be and will discuss with my T. I think the trigger might be my current salary negotiations with my employer and my feelings of powerlessness because I do not have a college degree. That fact is the trigger because it goes back to my childhood...
After about 12 months of weekly therapy I finally arrived at a place where I could make peace with my childhood traumas, at least enough to live my life. When I entered therapy I was severely depressed as my 40+ year secret that I had basically disassociated for my entire life came pouring out...
I have found it quite cathartic to write about my feelings and absorb comments of support and understanding from others. Also 100% find a really good therapist that specializes in sexual abuse.
This weekend I shared this post with my wife, it was hard (not because of her but because of me). She is very supportive as usual but also cry's and grieves over my pain (something I can not do) which is a good thing but it drives me crazy and horrifies me, I need to learn how to deal with that
Thank you, no doubt it is a journey where there is no picture postcard of the destination. I feel much better knowing that I at least have a chance at some type of recovery
Yes I got lucky. I read an article she had written about CSA (her area of specialty) and she was in my city. I reached out...
First, I have to say that while my therapy has been effective it also has been disturbing, on many levels. It has forced me to examine my childhood and to explore a long series of traumas that unknown to me shaped my life.
So based on what I have learned, here are some of the effects and...
I have been in intensive weekly therapy for 9 months. We have made good progress and I have posted here a few times about that. We have touched on my Dad but tomorrow we are going to focus deeply on the subject, I am nervous.
What has been uncovered so far is that in addition to my CSA by a...
Just as an example, prior to therapy if you had asked me about my childhood I would have said it was normal. If you had asked me about my parents I would have said they were the best, I lived my entire life believing this. Therapy has unlocked the truth that my upbringing was far from normal and...
Now that my childhood traumas have been uncovered, those I have always known and those I was not aware of, how do I move forward and live my life? I have been in intensive therapy for 7 months which has allowed me to access those hidden feelings that have been controlling my life.
Coming to...
True and in retrospect and with intensive therapy I have faced this, previously I would have told you that I had a very normal childhood. A child that is abused or neglected just thinks it is supposed to be like that, this is why it is so damaging
Decisions we make when we are young often set us on a path of self destruction. My parents loved me and as an adult I became very close to both my parents, loved them deeply and would give anything to have them in my life (they are both deceased). 6 months into intensive therapy to help me deal...
I realize that when I am talking with my T about my younger years, 10-17 when most of my traumas happened there are many parts I either can't remember clearly or have a hard time remembering details of some events. My brother who is 4 years older propably can help put some of my random thoughts...
Well I survived. Kidding aside, it was more comfortable then I had thought it would be (to clarify this is the first time I have met her in person)
In person is good and I think over the next couple of weeks I will have my wife join us. I am still having trouble sharing details with her even...
I am having some severe anxiety today for a peculiar problem of our times. I have had weekly Tele-Health appointments since November, due to Covid. We are both vaccinated so time to have sessions in person.
Video calls allow for a certain amount of protection that in person sessions do not...
Much appreciated, while I am progressing I am also feeling great sorrow facing the fact that I have blamed myself all my life for not speaking up, not when I was abused, not when I chose to be a horrible student, not when I fell into serious drug use. I never questions , never spoke up and made...