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Wow, such great responses! I haven't had an opportunity to read everything or the links, but I find this area fascinating and not just because it personally impacted me. I'l respond more later once I digest this. I appreciate the responses!

LuckiLee that's a great idea. I wasn't thinking of that at the time I wrote it... Seems now like an obvious thing. Unfortunately due to insurance, I'm not able to see my T today and it had been pushed back to next Monday :(

Thank you guys. My T had to reschedule (was supposed to see her this Friday). Conveniently she had an opening tomorrow. I'm going to try to tell her this.

I wasn't sure if I should post this here or the dysreguation forum. I think this has been building more and more as I resisted caving into the urges to self harm. I've been "surfing the urge" for over a week. Throughout this week I've been all over the place from shutting down to process, to...

I've been reading around here today and this section just makes me wonder... can a medical physical trauma on the body as an infant impact your development and contribute to some kind of PTSD responses? I was very premature, had very invasive surgeries from 2 days old, in the hospital almost...

In my 30s. I've struggled with various types and severity of self harm arriv I was 3. I clearly remember picking my skin/scabs to feel pain. What toddler does that? It's how I learned to cope, unfortunately. I'm not sure if the urges and thoughts will fully go away since they've been my...

That makes sense. I'm also a visual thinker/learner. I never thought of that contributing but i can see how it could.

I'll try to make a long story short. Deep deep down, I never forgot the abuse. I used to be able to avoid and detach on cue, or I'd dissociate (not by choice). I was emotionally numb either as a natural response or using negative coping behaviors/substances to become numb and forget. It's like...

I'm sorry you went through that and are experiencing the confusion of trying to cut that ball and chain. I don't have any answers because I've been contemplating that very thing myself the past two days. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Stephernovas - that's exactly it. I think many truly mean "do you currently have an actionable plan to kill yourself at this exact moment?" You worded it very well... Do I think about it a lot, yes and no.

I often say "I'm fine" or lie and say I'm not thinking of harming myself. I do so because I question where the line is. If I mention to someone how often I want to harm myself, it would be at least once a day. I feel people would get tired of it and eventually think I'm crying wolf if my...

I've been there for many years. It's odd seeing both sides of it though. I'd I tell a friend in an instant you'll get through this, keep going, etc. Yet, at the same time completely understand and sometimes I'm highly contemplating it myself at the exact same time. I've had multiple family...

I think I may understand a bit. Someone else mentioned how it doesn't sound like you're actually grounded, but triggered/dissociated instead. Maybe you need to find another technique that works for you rather than against you? I can't quite figure out why yet but some techniques area highly...

I've done that quite often. It's more concerning when I dissociate while driving and then "wake up" and I'm still driving. I don't necessarily forget during those moments where I'm going, but I forget A Lot of what I'm doing in general. This increases a lot during stress. I've had a bad memory...

I'm struggling with rage as well. I've blocked emotions for so long, I'm just learning to feel. Unfortunately, it all comes in waves of rage at once and floods me. I keep emotions inside and I used to implode and take it out on myself. Right now I'm trying to stop the self-harming behaviors and...

Part of me blames myself and thinks I should have been able to stop the abuse as a child, but the adult me knows that's not logical. I was a child and 1) the adults know what's right or wrong and 2) I couldn't have left the situation. It wasn't MY responsibility and that should never be placed...

Yes. I discovered this week this applies to multiple situations I've been in. It's been years since I got out of a bad relationship. Half of me knows it was abusive, but the other half still questions reality, compares "others have it weird," etc. I reached out to a friend that knew me during...

Overall... conflict (whether my own or I'm an observer)vand standing up for myself (saying "no," expressing my beliefs, or asking if I need/want something). Then there are very specific triggers such as sounds or smells I try to avoid and can for the most part because I'm so introverted and...

I often want time to stop so I feel I can "catch up" while I work through past trauma. Likewise, I find myself wanting to run away to start fresh. I tried that once... unfortunately, my brain followed me :/ You're not alone. Even when we're no longer immediately in the trauma, we have work to do...

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have complex PTSD as well, but I figured it could help me understand some of my reactions to things. My therapist said we can work through them together. I have a huge issue remembering to do my therapy homework or finishing things too (or it's my way to...

Yes, the adult self out of the situation finally dealing with memories and emotions for the first time (in depth), anger is surfacing. At one point I was able to forgive myself, that it wasn't a choice and it wasn't my fault. I guess that's progress, but things are like an onion. I peel one...

I'm glad you've found them helpful :) I haven't lived in yet and just scanned through the type of questions but wasn't in a place to fully sit, think, feel, and therefore do the exercises yet. The book was recommended by my T. I also have one about learning to love yourself, but that is much...

Good evening! I've been having a really rough time lately. I keep telling myself that ultimately this means progress, but it's still extremely difficult, to say the least. I was wondering if anyone has used The Courage to Heal Workbook and/or The PTSD Workbook? If so, did you find them...

That's a good idea... And simple! I think I over think things. I'm still unsure how/if to approach my boss, but if I do I can just say anxiety.

Freida - I'll have to look further into that! I've seen it in passing while watching the various prison shows on Netflix, but I haven't looked into it as a possibility. I've seen one episode where they allow prisoners to adopt the stray cats and let them live in the cell with them. The cats...