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  1. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, I wonder if it's in my best interest to leave the forum. I'm currently halfway through CBT and I've not been officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm certain I've cptsd and there's no help for CPTSD in the UK. I do feel the forum helps me but I shouldn't be here if I haven't been...
  2. SunsetDawn83

    My first appointment

    Im sorry to hear that @Survivor3. I know what you mean though the iapt won't help with Cptsd because it's complex. I've not gotten help for my cptsd just PTSD. So after that's finished I've no idea where to go from there.
  3. SunsetDawn83

    My first appointment

    Hi there @Hopefully, yeah I'm in the UK. Im going to see how I go with this trauma focussed cbt for a few weeks (9weeks remaining) and if there's no improvement I'll be seeing a doctor for a referral to see a psychiatrist.
  4. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, please explain to me that as a 38 year old, that I've spent 20 minutes crying over a tv fictional character that passed. I know I've not finished crying over it yet. This could last me days
  5. SunsetDawn83

    My first appointment

    My first session was yesterday, it was very informative. I'll be getting around 12 sessions and only for PTSD as they don't help with cptsd due to it being complex and long-lasting. So after my sessions, I've no idea what'll happen next. Im so confused about my diagnosis.
  6. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    I don't know if I'm more angry or upset. I told my sister about my diagnosis on Monday and since then she's been blatantly ignoring me. Wish I hadn't told her told. Wish I hadn't got my hopes up that she's talking to me again.
  7. SunsetDawn83

    My first appointment

    My first appointment is in just over a week and I'm getting anxious about it. It's been I while since I had therapy (CBT for GAD. I'm more anxious about the fact that they won't believe me.
  8. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    I often wonder if my family knew I was been abused and neglected as a child and the fact they just didn't care or if they genuinely didn't know. Maybe this why they don't talk to me or maybe they don't believe me. Either way, it hurts knowing they didn't know I needed help. I wanted an escape...
  9. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    I don't want to be here anymore but I dont want to harm myself. In so tired of being abused all my 30+ years. I don't have any family support. I'm so alone in this. I want an out. Luckily my first therapist appointment is in 3 weeks.
  10. SunsetDawn83

    My first appointment

    So, my first appointment is in 4 weeks. Kinda nervous but also kinda happy. It's a matter of now of what to tell my mum (aka my abuser) that I've ptsd and llI need therapy. If I do tell ger it to be like 20 questions of why. Why this, why that.
  11. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    I've no idea where to post this so I'll do it here. Is it classed as financial abuse if I'm not allowed access to my money when I want too?? I get carers on a Monday and I'm not "allowed" to go out with it and im forced to stay in. I mean I'm not "allowed" to go to town by myself. I'm so sick of...
  12. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    I feel such an idiot and like a child for wanting a happy ever after in films/tv shows.
  13. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, please don't laugh at me for what I'm about to say, I don't understand it myself. But when I watch a romance film or tv show, I always crave for a happily ever after ending. Now I know it's fake but when there's no 'happy' ending I feel really upset and sometimes I can even cry...
  14. SunsetDawn83

    Quick question about Anhedonia

    I don't know if this is the right place for this question. But do I need to be medically diagnosed with anhedonia or is it something I might have due to PTSD?? I have all the symptoms of it and the one of the causes is PTSD.
  15. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Yeah, I mean I see all these eloquent everywhere, an even at 38 I have to google the words to see what it means. I don't know how the forum works properly and I post such long posts without double spacing. I don't know how to reply properly on here with the reply or the quote button. See look at...
  16. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    The diary part is the only place I know in posting in the right place. But I do try.
  17. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, I don't feel smart or clever enough to use this site. I feel so stupid when I post in the wrong forums. 💔💔
  18. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, saying I'm ok when I'm not is easier than explaining all the reasons I'm not ok. I cant explain the reasons why I'm not ok to myself , let alone my 2 friends.
  19. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, On the "good" days which are few are far between I feel like I can do anything but In "bad"days like these I feel so worthless and I shut myself away like I did when I was a child. I'm even scared to tell my mum I'm thinking of doing a college course next year cos I know I won't get...
  20. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, I don't feel anything, I'm feeling so emotionless and everything I do feel is on autopilot. I feel so empty inside, I've my mum's voice shouting my name constantly. I'm so tired and exhausted of this constant state of hypervigilance and hyperarousal that I've constant headaches and...
  21. SunsetDawn83

    Do I or dont I?? Tell my GP?

    I was diagnosed with Ptsd last week and I was wondering whether I need to tell my GP/doctor or if the people I spoke to will do it?? Xxx
  22. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear diary, its hard to explain this but I heard it somewhere if your hear your name been called when there's no one around that a sign of trauma. Well I near enough hear my mum and dad constantly shouting at me and for me in my head. I can even tell you the situation I see myself in when I hear...
  23. SunsetDawn83

    How do i help myself???

    I struggle with intrusive thoughts, feelings of utter worthlessness, guilt and hopelessness, hyper arousal and these are just the main ones I'm struggling with.
  24. SunsetDawn83

    How do i help myself???

    Hello everyone, I'm now on a waiting list to seen by a therapist for PTSD/CPTSD. In the meantime though is there anything I can do to help myself cope with my symptoms??
  25. SunsetDawn83

    Self love is hard for me.

    Dear Diary, just a short entry, for now, to say I have a Trauma Assessment today at 2 pm. Very anxious as I've not had a trauma assessment before.
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