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I've only been an atheist for 4 years now. I noticed myself still being pulled toward religions even though I don't believe in God or their teachings. I came to realize that I was seeking out someone who would show me mercy, specifically keeping or saving me from harm. I know it's tied to my...

I realize that I was trying to earn my safety from people intent on harming for me and that it was a pattern cemented from a childhood of trying to avoid getting harmed by my family. I guess I thought if I was more likeable they wouldn't have harmed me or if I just pleaded my case and told the...

Yea. I think you make a great a point. It's a different world now and what would have likely happened in the past won't happen now. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that this is a new world and I need to give myself and the world more grace. Thank you! Your story was really helpful...

Yea. I know most people won't rise things to the point of violence. I think it's just that my family often did as a kid and often still say that they wish they could still (They can't hit kids anymore due to CPS involvement a few years ago and know they could go to jail if they hit me or other...

It was you against a group of other people. It's hard for anyone to take that on, especially when you're a kid and you have to live with being taunted by others for it if they found out. They didn't really give you much of a choice. It was coercion and set up to not give you not much of choice...

Think I had my first sleep paralysis? I had a dream about being in bed and a spider coming down from the ceiling almost landing on the bed next to me but I couldn't get up. My legs would not move. I kept looking over to see the progress of the spider. I was scared. The dream only ended when I...

I realized that a lot of my people-pleasing behavior came from a fear of what would happen if I wasn't likeable to someone, like could they ostracize me, beat me, or berate me like my family did. I want to believe that most people are not like that, that most people would not be so violent or...

Spore. I'm playing it with my brother. The evolutions are so fun and satisfying!

I'm not a therapist but I recognized that the times I would dissociate the most was when I had a lot of feelings that I was either actively trying to repress or that were bubbling under the surface. I just share my experience since it could be something to bring up with your therapist. Don't...

I have experienced something similar as far as attracting these people and begging them for the bare minimum. I recognized it's definitely a repeat of childhood with no one caring enough about me, my feelings, or how things affect me to do something about the abuse and protect me. I eventually...

Silver 🥈

I discovered today that I've been having flashbacks for as long as I can remember. It explains a lot and makes me realize that a lot of the trauma I won't have memory of because I was so young, under 6. I have no memory of ever feeling safe and secure at home, and it makes me more compassionate...

I find myself looking around every corner for things I'm scared of like spiders and I find myself almost hallucinating them at the peripheral of my vision. It's almost like my mind wants there be a big honking spider right in front of me. I did some journaling and came to the conclusion that...

Watched Total Drama Pahkitew Island with my brother

I realize that asserting myself and putting up boundaries actually make me easier to love and harder to use. I used to think I had to express what I wanted meekly and even hide it. I realize now that set me up to never get my needs met and to be treated as disposable by others.

Yea. Dr. Ana on YouTube has a few videos about this. I found the one linked below particularly helpful. She also has a playlist on DBT that goes into how to regulate emotions. I also found this book helpful: Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists...

I realize that I took the insults of others as evidence that I was less than and deserving of it in some way. I know now that I don't have to take it to heart because their opinions couldn't possibly be true if they didn't know enough about me to come to an accurate conclusion.

Yea. Anger isn't as big a crutch as it used to be. I've learned to listen to what anger is trying to tell me instead of focusing on the anger itself and holding onto it. I can make decisions and take actions based on what I find so it's easier to let it go. I'm glad you resonated with the post...

I made it to 28. Thought I would end up being a part of the 27 club and dying young. Glad I made it.

I finally realized that I don't need to force myself to find and relive the memories. I just need to rewrite what the trauma taught me about myself and the world.

Definitely something I'm still learning. Sometimes I question how helpful it is to rage against the voices since they are still occuring in my mind. But when I can must be this, it does help at times. That's such a unique and interesting way to handle this. I'll try to remember this the next...

For those who have had the voice of critical parents/partners/people in their heads, how have you managed it? I can recognize that it's not my own voice and the thoughts aren't how I really feel about myself, but my emotions tend to react before I can challenge the beliefs. By the time I calm...

I totally relate to this. After being with someone who ended up reneging on all his promises and lying about himself last year, I went through the same phase. I think it’s natural to look for signs we missed and try to find patterns so we don’t end up in the same scenario. Can’t say I’m...

I related to this so much. I avoided my mom and grandma so much as a kid so I put the book on my wishlist and just finished it yesterday. I had to come back here to talk about it. It was so eye opening. I even took time away from work to really read it fully because I wanted to take the time to...

I finally understand now why when it came time to defend myself I felt exposed and vulnerable. I wasn’t used to expressing a need like that. I wasn’t really allowed to say no or reject anything growing up. It was shoved down my throat anyway and in one case literally (I said I was full and my...