Wanting to Hold on to Anger for Safety

[BuildingSelf24]

I read that continual anger can inhibit other emotions like grief. I don’t want to let go of the anger though. I’m afraid to let go of it. The realization that I was screwed over and the subsequent anger made me want to get away and allowed me to take steps towards removing myself from shitty relationships.

I know I should let it go though. I can feel the background anger and it definitely leaks out into my facial expressions and tone of voice randomly. I just feel conflicted about it and don’t know how to frame it. I still believe that the anger will keep those awful people at bay if they do somehow come back into my life. Remembering what they did and remembering how angry I should feel will help me not allow them to weasel their way back in if or when they do try.

How can I justify letting the anger go to myself? Am I missing a vital step or piece of information that would click things into place for me mentally and emotionally?

 

[arfie]

intense physical exercise is my most effective channel. anger hampers intellectual capacity, so the more primal. the better. listening to angry music is entirely to passive for my intensities (i'm pretty intense by nature) but dancing to angry music fits the bill. i play guitar, so dancing while i play an angry tune is even better. shadow boxing is a fun channel. i set up lights to create dark shadows and then work to punch out my shadow.

a few days of detox diet can also help flush out the anger hormones. one theory which seems to fit my own case is that the anger hormones are highly addictive and that physical addiction is part of what makes it so hard to give up being angry. my own anger responses tend to stay trigger-sensitive until i get those hormones out of my system.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

intense physical exercise is my most effective channel. anger hampers intellectual capacity, so the more primal. the better. listening to angry music is entirely to passive for my intensities (i'm pretty intense by nature) but dancing to angry music fits the bill. i play guitar, so dancing while i play an angry tune is even better. shadow boxing is a fun channel. i set up lights to create dark shadows and then work to punch out my shadow.

a few days of detox diet can also help flush out the anger hormones. one theory which seems to fit my own case is that the anger hormones are highly addictive and that physical addiction is part of what makes it so hard to give up being angry. my own anger responses tend to stay trigger-sensitive until i get those hormones out of my system.

I’ll definitely try it.

I do remember detoxing helping previously. I would feel calmer after water fasting for a day.

Have you had any issues with injuring yourself while doing intense activity? I kind of fear doing that. I used to pole dance to let out the excess energy but I kind hurt my knees and hips going too hard. I don’t want to do that to myself again. Do you have anything that keeps you from pushing yourself too far?

 

[arfie]

Have you had any issues with injuring yourself while doing intense activity? I kind of fear doing that.

yes, i have. i have let that very danger serve as an awareness builder and it serves extremely well. as mark twain put it, "a man who carries a cat by the tail will learn a lesson he can learn now other way." once i got it through my trauma damaged brain just how much that repressed anger was hurting me, the awareness continued/still continues to grow in immensely useful ways. i no longer hurt myself while channeling. my awareness is currently growing in the many passive injuries i inflict on myself while repressing. clenched muscles, self-neglect, etc.

your reference to pole dancing reminded me of a group of feisty women i knew way back when. girl, howdy, these gals understood anger channeling in ways which still inspire me. the reminder inspired me to look them up and am thrilled to report they are still in business. i thought you might enjoy a peek.
Brass Ovaries

side note
i stole their name to use in reference to my own approach to my construction work, etc.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

i have let that very danger serve as an awareness builder and it serves extremely well. as

I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

I looked at the website and it definitely reminds me of my former instructor.

 

[MintKitty]

I read that continual anger can inhibit other emotions like grief. I don’t want to let go of the anger though. I’m afraid to let go of it. The realization that I was screwed over and the subsequent anger made me want to get away and allowed me to take steps towards removing myself from shitty relationships.

I know I should let it go though. I can feel the background anger and it definitely leaks out into my facial expressions and tone of voice randomly. I just feel conflicted about it and don’t know how to frame it. I still believe that the anger will keep those awful people at bay if they do somehow come back into my life. Remembering what they did and remembering how angry I should feel will help me not allow them to weasel their way back in if or when they do try.

How can I justify letting the anger go to myself? Am I missing a vital step or piece of information that would click things into place for me mentally and emotionally?

I resonate with your sentiments a lot. The anger is exhausting but it's the only way I know how to protect myself. it's like if I'm not angry then I end up overwhelmed with helplessness. I see that this is an older post but I hope things have been going well for you.

 

[Friday]

I resonate with your sentiments a lot. The anger is exhausting but it's the only way I know how to protect myself.

Skills protect you. Not feelings.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I resonate with your sentiments a lot. The anger is exhausting but it's the only way I know how to protect myself. it's like if I'm not angry then I end up overwhelmed with helplessness. I see that this is an older post but I hope things have been going well for you.

Yea. Anger isn't as big a crutch as it used to be. I've learned to listen to what anger is trying to tell me instead of focusing on the anger itself and holding onto it. I can make decisions and take actions based on what I find so it's easier to let it go. I'm glad you resonated with the post. Hope you can find your way to release the anger and find other ways to protect yourself.

 

[MintKitty]

Skills protect you. Not feelings.

That's real asf. Definitely need to focus on developing some emotional skills.

Yea. Anger isn't as big a crutch as it used to be. I've learned to listen to what anger is trying to tell me instead of focusing on the anger itself and holding onto it. I can make decisions and take actions based on what I find so it's easier to let it go. I'm glad you resonated with the post. Hope you can find your way to release the anger and find other ways to protect yourself.

Thank you, I'm working on developing that sense of mindfulness.

 

[abovedown]

@BuildingSelf24 is there any particular resources you have find helpful building your emotional skills?

 

[BuildingSelf24]

@BuildingSelf24 is there any particular resources you have find helpful building your emotional skills?

Yea. Dr. Ana on YouTube has a few videos about this. I found the one linked below particularly helpful. She also has a playlist on DBT that goes into how to regulate emotions.

I also found this book helpful: Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists. It talks about dissociation and DID specifically but there are so many exercises and chapters that cover how to handle different emotions and have more control of the self.

I also found the Daily Practice from Crappy Childhood Fairy really helpful when it comes to dealing with fear, intense emotions, and decluttering my mind. She has a free course on how to do it. You just write your fears and resentments and then meditate for 20 minutes. In a pinch, I just do it in my head for quick relief so I can get on with my day.

 

[abovedown]

Thank you @BuildingSelf24