Strategies for Handling Negative Voices

[BuildingSelf24]

For those who have had the voice of critical parents/partners/people in their heads, how have you managed it?

I can recognize that it's not my own voice and the thoughts aren't how I really feel about myself, but my emotions tend to react before I can challenge the beliefs. By the time I calm myself down, I forget what the thought even was. Do I need to remember or is just managing the emotions enough?

 

[Friday]

Tell them off.

Learning to stand up for yourself, and believe in yourself… takes practices. You’ve got the assholes on board, may as well put them to work.

 

[arfie]

i organize my intrusive voices into puppet shows. the parental puppet show here. the sibling puppet show there. academic, career, etc., etc. every so often, when one of the casts and crews gets overly rambunctious, the puppets in my head even shut up for a while when i subliminally yell, "quiet on the set!!!"

for what it's worth
since i have gained confidence with this approach, i have begun discovering quieter, saner voices who never speak loudly enough to out shout a shouter.

 

[Movingforward10]

Even if I don't believe it, I give myself a counter message. The more you do it, the more it sticks.
Also, speaking out loud to it. That gives it more power I think. Makes it external and internal when the negative voice is a little secret internal voice that needs to hide. I don't need to hide, so my counter message can be loud and proud!

 

[Rose White]

I also talk back to it. Took a lot of practice and encouragement from T and people on here. I couldn’t always talk back in a stern or mean way. Sometimes I had to be gentle and calm, sometimes I had to sort of joke around.

For example, one of the things it said relentlessly was “kill yourself” and it was so exhausting trying to fight that. I learned about the The Book of Kells and the word Kell is an alternative spelling of Cell. The word cell in biology was named after the cells that monks locked themselves in (or prison cells) because that’s what the Scottish man Robert Hooke thought plant cells looked like when he first saw them through a microscope hundreds of years ago. In the old days it could be pronounced with either the soft c or hard c. Book of Kells was written by monks.

Anyway! What I did was when the voice said, “Kill yourself,” I said, “Thank you, I *would* like to kell myself, that sounds nice to be immersed in a hut in the woods.” I had to say that many times for a few weeks.

The voice is like a tantruming kid trying to get a rise out of the parent, so it sort of groans when it doesn’t get the attention or reaction it is seeking, or it ramps up even more to test you.

I recommend not latching onto any one strategy but trying them all and then some. Diversity is good for breaking up those calcified neural grooves.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

Learning to stand up for yourself, and believe in yourself… takes practices.

Definitely something I'm still learning. Sometimes I question how helpful it is to rage against the voices since they are still occuring in my mind. But when I can must be this, it does help at times.

i organize my intrusive voices into puppet shows. the parental puppet show here. the sibling puppet show there. academic, career, etc., etc. every so often, when one of the casts and crews gets overly rambunctious, the puppets in my head even shut up for a while when i subliminally yell, "quiet on the set!!!"

That's such a unique and interesting way to handle this. I'll try to remember this the next time the negative voices come up.

Even if I don't believe it, I give myself a counter message. The more you do it, the more it sticks.
Also, speaking out loud to it. That gives it more power I think.

Saying it out loud has been something I've tried today and it is surprising effective at clearing at the mind and finding some peace. Thankfully the voices come up more when I'm alone so I won't look crazy talking to myself.

I recommend not latching onto any one strategy but trying them all and then some. Diversity is good for breaking up those calcified neural grooves.

I'll try to remember this so I'm not so hard on myself when things flair up worse.

Thank you guys! These were very helpful.

 

[SallyO420]

For those who have had the voice of critical parents/partners/people in their heads, how have you managed it?

I can recognize that it's not my own voice and the thoughts aren't how I really feel about myself, but my emotions tend to react before I can challenge the beliefs. By the time I calm myself down, I forget what the thought even was. Do I need to remember or is just managing the emotions enough?

What has worked for me is to ask myself what I want? and what I need? As a scapegoat I didn't even know I had wants and needs. I was never allowed to. I was supposed to take care of everyone else. That quickly stops my rumination and I am still figuring out my needs and wants.

 

[Freddyt]

Saying it out loud has been something I've tried today and it is surprising effective at clearing at the mind and finding some peace. Thankfully the voices come up more when I'm alone so I won't look crazy talking to myself.

It so works though.

It's why I have my "book of positive statements" (not affirmations!!!) about myself to read. What do you know, a doctor of psychology was right....you have to believe it before you can become it....