“He will come after me...”

[Justmehere]

It’s dawned on me that I’ve been reassured that “no one is coming after you” 3 times in the past week.

Not sure how to challenge/change this one, but I need to stop it from running away from me. It’s not a routine thing for me to battle. I’ve started not sleeping and eating... just like when the trauma was on-going.

What to do when I’ve actually lived the reality of someone hunting me down... and now fear it will happen again and it’s about to happen again? It’s not likely... I don’t think... I don’t know. Old abusers are not showing new signs of any threat to safety. I remember being told by a professional when the trauma was happening that, “It’s not paranoia when someone is actually after you (jmh)...”

But as far as I am told, I’m ok now. No one is coming after me. I just don’t seem to believe that at all. I’m wayyyy too ready for anyone to hurt me.

 

[Freida]

Wish me could offer advice but I have the same challenge. One thing that helps me is making a plan...assuming someone is coming. Then I can relax a bit because I'm ready. Ya it's backwards but.... :)

 

[Justmehere]

Plans are a good idea - they often help me settle. For this one? I keep thinking someone will come after me and the life I’ve built up is over... but at the same time, I’ve been through it before, and I’ve got the skills to get through it again. It would be almost automatic to switch back into that degree of survival-mode.

 

[Keming]

i practice non-engagement - the same techniques used for managing work stress; you don't think about work at home because it does nothing to solve your problems. I just practice not thinking, and have an easy route to 'mindfulness' at the drop of a hat.

as for the fear itself - the closest i get to head-on challenging it is promising myself to make them suffer if they find me. then i get into a discussion about consequences and prison time, and it defuses the original fear. childish, but at 0200 i'll readily trade childish for sleep.

 

[Friday]

Part of the life I WANT to build includes an alternate.

((2, actually, but I’ve got time for that one ...setting something up for the next time PTSD comes aknocking.))

I’m not sure I’m capable of even building 1 life without the 2nd part and parcel. At least, not again. I let my ex husband talk me into putting all of my energy into this life (ha, typo had it as “his life” and that’s not far wrong), first... and then get around eventually to the summer home, or boat, or ski cabin kind of thing. Me? I wanted to do it all in one fell swoop when we bought our house / have that go into the planning of buying a house. The same way as when I was in school I always had a backup job waiting in the wings, and often a backup school, as well. And vice versa, when I was working I always had a few school programs ready to kick off, and some lines of to alternate work. (And ditto, very nearly always had start-over money cached away when we were renting... enough for 1st & Last should something go wrong with where we were living. Ditto, I had duplicates of other important things stashed about.

I’d never really thought about that, before?

If it was important to me... I had backups. Always. Almost always. Except for when my then-husband talked me out of it. Which has universally f*cked me over, each and every time. :shifty:

I think that’s been part of my problem with the ongoing stalking-nonsense. I don’t have time to get 1 thing set up, before it gets f*cked with, much less a rally point to collect myself & CM. So it becomes this clustef*ck of lurching from one crisis to the next, always off balance / never able to get my feet under me.

HUH.

Double f*cking huh.

Okay, my mind is a bit blown right now.

The things one does without realizing or thinking about it, right?

IDK if any of this is useful to you, at all, but HFS there are just tumblers clicking into place in my head right now // your post has been crazy helpful to me.

 

[Ronin]

I go with, currently, nothing will happen...

Because things never do, hitting me that hard, when I’m ready for them.
They happen only when I’m NOT ready, because Murphy was a true to life bitch.

That & still doing the timer for a few being dead, and they’re still not there, so I got time to even think of them... they got to f*ck off Earth’s surface, first.

Also don’t care. Who I care for can take care of themselves, and I been forcing myself to not feel a thing for them in the last year countless times for various reasons, already, I might as well be perpetual sidelining grief. Which means I’m fine. For the times sake.

 

[grit]

Not sure if a reference change may help. Rather than he will come after me replaced positive words like I am safe and I can take care of myself. Rather he you are focused on yourself and starting with I....
The word I puts you in empowerment position and the word he puts you in deferential position.
Just a suggestion.

 

[Friday]

Bit of an addendum to the above, now that my head isn’t reeling

Not sure how to challenge/change this one,

“No one is after me.” Is of absolutely zero comfort to me.
“If they are? I’m ready for them.” Is.

If I’m not ready for them? THAT’S when I’m gutted by the mere idea of it, and can’t set it aside to live my life. The same way I set the possibility of a car swerving into my lane. Always a possibility, and one I don’t sweat. Not out of ignorance / disbelief that it could happen. I have a seatbelt, roll cage, mirrors, am sober, have taken driving lessons, etc. all in preparation for a car wreck. IF a car swerves into my lane? The adrenaline kicks in, the skills employ, and beyond that is out of my hands. I’m as prepared as I can be, and I trust myself to respond without hesitation. Preparing for an eventuality? Is only problematic if consumes my life. Clicking my seatbelt and checking my mirrors isn’t something that consumes my life. It’s easy background noise.

“You don’t need a seatbelt, I’m a good driver, nothing is going to happen.” Just makes me think the person is an idiot and a fool. “You’re safe. No ones coming after you.” Gets exactly the same reaction. HOWEVER, if I’m acting like a looney? Freaking out about seatbelt tensile strength, shaking like a leaf, unable to even pay attention to the road I’m so freaked out and constantly checking mirrors, and everything else? The statement may still be asinine, but the assessment of how I’m coping with the possibility of a wreck/ someone after me, is not. At that point, my purpose becomes not to someone find a way to “I’m safe” (don’t need a seatbelt, no one is coming after me), but to become coolio cucumber :cool: about the possibility. No matter how slim or how likely.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

I’m having similar issues! I secretly messaged someone and am scared now. That they know it’s me.
I’ve been trying to put it out of my mind.