Supporter 20 Years Of Love Gone In Half An Hour.

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

I have asked before but no one replyed. Maybe it can't be answered. How long can it take for her to realize? Do some people stay this way for the rest of there lives?

I'm living for the kids right now as I know this is we're I'm needed. But it's hard to forget the magical 20 years we had together. If I'm to move on I think that's what I have to do. Forget. I put on a front for every one around me. Everyone has seen and heard another.

I now keep all my sadness to my self. My kids don't need any more sadness. She never even rang them for christmas. That must of hurt them. I tried to make the day good by joking and making them laugh. But I was so sad inside.

I ended up in bed crying were no one could see.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

So I said I'd tell my story of being homeless. I'll give it ago I don't really remember all that much anymore. So here goes.

After she changed and kept telling me she didn't love me anymore and it is what it is. I couldn't take the rejection. I said I just need to know you love me and she would be there for me. My son was in the room and she said no! I said I can't stay if you don't love me. I was so numb. She said go then. So I did. I wrote the kids letters apologizing for not being the father they deserved. I left and went to stay with a friend it only lasted one night. His life was good he was happy and everything was great in his life. I just couldn't stay there anymore.

I left in my ute and drove probley for two days straight. Which I don't remember at all driving. I was running out of money and petrol so I left the car, my wallet, mobile phone and a note for the police saying please return the remaining of my pro sessions to my once happy family. And signed it broken.

I then started hitch hiking. A man pick me up and dropped me at the edge of town. At the time I didn't realize he dropped me out the front of a prison. It took a wile to get a lift but eventually some one stoped. I get in and it's a bikey. He is drinking rum as he drives. His lady friend in on the phone sorting out a drug deal. I look around the car it is full of blood and next to me is a machete covered in blood. He ask how far did I want to go as they had two days driving ahead and I could go as far as them if I liked. I said thanks that would be good. Nothing else was said for about two hours till we reached a small town. He pulled in to a drive though bottle shop for more grog. That's when I said thanks I might get out here. Cheers thanks for the ride.

To be continued.

 

[Eleanor]

((((((Darren)))))

If YOU think it's time to move on, it is time to move on.

It is ok to cry with your kids - Grief is real. You all have it. Better not to think it is just you. (One of) The Big Lesson(s) of PTSD is to feel your feelings in real time as much as you can. Just my opinion, but it seems to work. Mourning comes in waves. Ride them out.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Update.... it's now over. I now know why no one would answer how long it could last.. very sad ending to 20 years. But only sad for me and the kids.. she now lives with her mother she hated and would never forgive. My 14 year old girl is still with her but their relationship is not good. My daughter's changed so much because of the life she now has... not good.. not good at all..

<Edited by KP the nut>

 

[Eleanor]

:cry::(. Sometimes people make the wrong choices. So sorry you are in this situation.

Keep the door open for your girl. My cousin had a similar situation, and he wasn't up to keeping up with his son, but his mom and dad (my aunt and uncle) were, and got regular visitation rights. They made a rule never to criticize her, and to be very neutral when he complained. They were VERY consistent in their "parenting" when he came to visit, they were introducing him to "a new culture" every time he came. It would take him a few days to adapt - but then he would settle in and have a great time. That made it much easier for him, as he got older to "switch" over to them. They figured that since he wasn't dumb, he'd "connect the dots" and decide which people and way of life looked like a better and happier option. It was harder for him, because his dad had bailed. But eventually he came around, and now he even has a good relationship with his dad. The long game is the one that counts with kids.

 

[Srain]

I'm very sorry to read this. :(

I hope you will continue to take good care of yourself (I know you will your children) and remember that support is always available, we all could use it in our lives. After so many years, divorce can feel like a death so there sometimes is a process much like mourning complete with anger, denial, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Sounds simple, however, it can be a painful process, sometimes lengthy especially when children are involved. Seeing it through their eyes can crush your heart if you allow it instead of helping them to show them how to move on as best you can.

My heart goes out to you and your family.
Peace and healing,
Rain