So tragic. Are there any other family members whom you can trust to help you? Try and stay strong to find other solutions. I know that you are hurt, but you also have to understand the woman you loved is not the same anymore. She's an alcoholic who abandoned the people who loved her the most. I really admire you for sticking with your children. And while this is really difficult to cope with, let yourself become free of this guilt. Its not your fault that this happened to you. The first step is to help yourself and do what it takes to survive and provide for your children, they need support too. I know because raising a family on your own without your wife is hard. It is, and that makes you appreciate the people you have in your life way more.