Suppressed feelings within past 20 years are coming back

[Pola]

Let's start with I have severe PTSD, I disconnected from a lot of it due to it being a defense mechanism. I stopped feeling, I got used not to feel. I cried once per year, no more frequent.
I went voluntarily impatient once it all started coming back at once, I was not safe. I'm in therapy and under psychiatric care now, closely monitored. This pain, flashbacks, even with meds, it feels like it takes over me. I'm at a point if it was going to get worse its inpatient again. I was never inpatient prior to this. MD calls it delayed PTSD.

Im crying daily, prior been crying once a year. All these emotions, its like they're a foreign language. Coping mechanisms from therapy do not work when it gets bad, even therapist is worried. Oh and the anger, the anger feels like rage of a warrior.

I hope this wont be always my life? If you ever felt like this? How did you balance?

I dont want to ball my eyes out and spiral, but I do want to feel. I do not want to lose hope. i will continue to seek help from professionals, it gets exhausting to be logical with my brain..and m brain is like NAH you're still going to see what happen then, you're going to feel what happened then, even though you're telling me you are safe at this time.

 

[Sideways]

Yep, that period of the recovery journey is really rough. No two ways about it - it’s hugely emotional and destabilising.

I hope this wont be always my life? If you ever felt like this? How did you balance?

This won’t always be your life. It will get better.

I did a lot of therapies over the years, and trauma-focused psychodynamic therapy (talk therapy) has been critical for slowly repairing the major damage from my trauma. But it was DBT and ACT that brought the most relief to my ability to cope with the giant emotions that you’re describing here. They helped me get functional again, and gave me the skills I needed to get through the trauma work.

Try and be gentle with yourself. Given what you’ve been through, these emotions make sense and they will pass.

Mod note:
I’ve removed your trigger warning. You can read more about that in the Community Constitution - every thread contains potential triggers for members.

 

[Survivor3]

Maybe the recent constant crying is your brain and body resetting itself on an emotional level. Now your mind knows it's safe to do that now. Although it might be slightly annoying !! I can't cry so I'm slightly envious. I get the warrior rage aswell. Had that for years. When I was upset and angry I was hitting the gym 4/5 days a week. It worked, you get fit and focused with all those endorphins released into your system. Reading and hobbies helped me aswell. Art is important to me. Meditation and studying Buddhism. Making friends and connections. I also quit drinking and smoking. 5 years clean.