5 Things I'm Thinking Today



Have a fair bit of work to do.

Slightly nervous about TA'ing today (because there is a mini lecture to give and if I have to give it I worry I will stumble over myself, make mistakes, etc. :wtf: F'you fears.)

I think one of my classes is starting to make a bit more sense.

A test and quiz next week. First of the term. Want to spend the weekend really getting a solid grasp of this stuff. Looking forward to talking with S, but still feeling not so great about having to skip lecture on Mondays to do so. I suppose I can discuss this with S and see what comes of it. Blah.


  1. Amazed at the resiliency of some members here! Awesome!
  2. Friday!
  3. Peri ASKED for food earlier. It's been a month since she's done that. (one of my cats)
  4. Keeping a journal of the cats has allowed my obsessive worrying to decrease big time. Not worrying I'll forget something.
  5. What to do this weekend?


Shifting focus from efficiency to enjoyment. Going to be a big change in mindset not always be in a hurry to get things "done".

Maybe there will be some time to check out a local festival before heading south or a new park, but it may be too hot for the Moose.

Found a new locally owned business that I want to check out. Will make time to do so next week.

Relief that business has picked up, even though there are a few residual issues to address.

Sometimes there are just things that you instinctively know and I need to be comfortable enough not to have to "prove" them to myself.

The Albatross

1. Had a longer and difficult discussion about my mom needing an evacuation plan because her relationship with her friend & friend's daughter has vanished and not been resolved due to her reactivity. Not easy but done.

2. Knowing where to stop before it's detrimental for either of us or both is way easier than it was even a month ago.

3. Concerned about her financial quagmire since the hospitalization because I thought my brother was covering these things but he wasn't. She's trying to deal with it all now and its stressful.

4. It took up a lot of head space for me this week. Too much head space and I have to step back now.

5. It didn't get argumentative or explosive, so I guess that's something but it takes a lot to do. Now I'm exhausted.
1. Well, I did it. I ended the long distance relationship with my boyfriend a few days ago. It turns out as I talked to my T that he was gaslighting me and other forms of emotional abuse. I didn't realize it until my T pointed it out. I was stunned. How could I not see it myself? I feel lighter now and am moving on.

2. I was diagnosed with lipedema about 2 weeks ago. It has shocked me to the core. Although I felt like my life was over the first week after the diagnosis, I now feel it is what it is. I'm going to educate myself on it, get the treatment I need, and live as great as I can.

3. Music is extremely cathartic for me. Man! I have really needed music the past two or so weeks. Music has helped me heal. It helps release my anger, my sorrow, my joy, and my laughter. Thank God for music! In this Moment - Roots. Need I say more? lol

4. I realized before I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend that he didn't want me to read anything about relationships on the internet so for a while I listened to his advice. But after realizing he was abusive when I talked to my T, I've been reading about emotional abuse and see many of his behaviors in every one I read. I will not knowingly give that much power to anyone ever again.

5. Since ending the abusive relationship, I am actually sleeping. At night! Not staying up for 36 hours and then sleeping due to exhaustion because I was so worried about him, about us. I feel rested, and am participating in life again. I'm not isolating. I cannot believe I was doing that because of him.

Tornadic Thoughts

I have to chuckle when folks claim to be totally drug-free (specifically as it relates to a couple recent real life conversations regarding cannabis use and prescription meds), yet they can't seem to wrap their heads around the amount of drugs/substances unknowingly, yet steadily, entering and altering their systems when they consume other beings that continually marinate in our drug waste, or get injected with and fed multiple substances to fatten them up, fight infections, and such.

I wonder how long it'll be before food commercials include a list of side effects, too....lol...I won't hold my breath.

Morning dew reflecting the sun rays is one of my favorite sights, ever.

Anticipation of my friend's arrival has me feeling all giddy....and helped motivate me to manage to get a weekend's worth of cleaning done in one day...yay...more time for fun!

I remember falling out of bed a lot when I was a kid....and once or twice in my drinking years....but damn if I didn't manage to do it again as I was attempting to roll over a pillow that got wedged under my leg...lmao....I swear I thought I was in the middle of the bed...and ouch...that was a long way down!