Relationship 6 Years On!

[Nicolette]

Well, some said we would never make it - I don't really know what 'make it' means in terms of a relationship as some last a lifetime and others don't. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime....... none of which we will know at the time.

Today marks 6 years since I started dating Anthony and 6 years with PTSD as he had it when I met him.

Life is now better than it was 6 years ago :) Unfortunately as our lives change we adjust so what was mild back then now seems severe as I no longer need to 'cope' like I used to. Walking on egg shells rarely occurs and I have to admit that if anything PTSD has forced me to become more assertive than I ever imagined being quite 'submissive' and 'insecure' at the start due to a somewhat dysfunctional and abusive childhood and 'unhealthy/abusive' adult experiences.

I share this today as a thought to a dear friend where time has not brought about general improvement with someone with PTSD despite her best efforts over a prolonged period of time.

Somewhere along the way on this PTSD journey I realised that I mattered too and while I'm there for 'better and worse' there are boundaries and I deserved better just as my husband does. He is now fighting his PTSD better than before and I see a large part of that being diet and exercise. I don't take his crap and will simply tell him when he is being mean and projecting his PTSD onto me. I will support him to the high heavens as long as he just treats me well.

We each much work on our own self improvement to bring the best to our relationship as neither of us is responsible for the other in that sense.

Like any relationship we have our ups and downs but it is mostly ups for us and that is what I believe a relationship should be.

You only get treated how you allow others to treat you......... I think some Supporters take awhile to process this and are instead frightened of the illness and fearful of being alone hence the walking on eggshells. Others seem to feel guilty putting themselves first with a belief that the Sufferer deserves more allowances due to their illness - I beg to differ as I only get one life too!

I have no idea how life will turn out for me, as does anyone else, but I'm so glad I decided I deserved better........ food for thought. A relationship should be mutually beneficial and enhance each others lives - not just one sided.

 

[safenow]

Nicolette, I am so proud of you. I feel as though you are one of my children and have joy that you are learning how to care for youself in a positive way. I believe you are a good example for others to follow.

Living with some who has PTSD is sure not easy, and setting boundaries is not easy, but is so darn important. *puts a gold star on your forehead*. Keep up the good work.

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks Safenow :)

 

[JustBe]

Wonderful to hear that there is life with PTSD that can be full and rewarding.

Congratulations and Well Done to you both!:cool:

 

[amethist]

Its wonderful that you can share your story with pride.

Like you and Anthony, hubby and I walk this PTSD path together. Walking the highs and lows hand in hand, with no sign of egg shells anywhere.

I wish all couples could do the same.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

My Beloved tries so hard, not just for herself, but also for me and our relationship. Some days she just can't seem to manage though, and thats when its really hard for both of us now.

But life is good nonetheless... Love can overcome many obstacles.

And trust can be built, strengthened, fortified. It just takes a lot of hard work and dedication. But its so worth it in the end.

To hear her say those magic words ... "I love you" :inlove:

 

[The Albatross]

PTSD is the row me and my spouse hoe. In some ways my PTSD has been beneficial for him... he finds ways to deal with his own feelings of neglect and abandonment through my personal struggle with PTSD. I in turn, rely on his mostly calm demeanor for some consistency. My spouse is a good supporter, but not as well as you are Nicolette. He does as best as he is able.

I hope that all couples who are dealing with this can square up their common ground and values and double their resolve to kick the hell out of this thing.

 

[KimmerM]

I agree with ya in all couples dealing with it. My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful. I am the one with the PTSD and he is not. I know that when I am triggered it is hard to deal with me. I am an absolute mess at times. Thankfully he is able to soothe me into a better mind set and help calm me down. I am truly blessed. I was able to open up to him about my trauma and the reason why I have PTSD and he listened and basically stated that he will not leave me because of it and to be open with him. We have talked things out and he has been there to help with it. I am happy to have him in my life. It is like he came into my life at the right time and we haven't looked back. Thank you for sharing that story. It gives me hope to know that a stable relationship is possible even when you have PTSD.