A Christmas-free 25th December

[Hashi]

@Philippa, sorry that the day hasn't been what you would have wanted. Maybe it can at least have been a day towards your healing, since it sounds like you're going through some necessary but difficult feelings of grief and loss. I think lighting the candle in particular was a lovely thing to do.

I cancelled the get-together with my relatives with an apocryphal story

I'm impressed! Hope you can get out of as much as you want of the rest, too.

@Radise It didn't occur to me to watch TV online (doh! I rarely watch TV as well) but that's a good idea. :)

@therisa I like the gentleness of your day. A dog is probably the only company I'd be interested in today.

@Candleflames I would do the same!

I'm feeling peaceful, nursing my cold with red pepper and tomato soup with chilli. Having that thing of being slowed down by a cold, I'm feeling quite reflective. I made a big change a week ago and am having to adjust, so I've been doing a bit of art journaling and thinking. It'll be nice to do some TV-watching and reading too. I'm glad not to have any obligations today.

 

[ISupportHer]

Just a comment from me, who usually goes all out for Christmas.

I think it is not only OK, but admirable, when anyone does what THEY want and not cave into the "norm" or expectations of others. Especially on a holiday.

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou Hashi. It was definitely a healing day, though very difficult at the same time. Lots of tears were shed, and I just pottered about the house for most of it...did some washing, hung out the clothes to dry. Life goes on even at xmas. I think I just missed the feast the most. :D

But I can't really complain. I did what I wanted to do and didn't have to worry about any of the stress and crap that so many people go through this time of year, so I have that to be grateful for. I was just meditating before and feelings of hurt came up. I can feel that it is not just me who is suffering, and while I struggled with not knowing what to do when my father contacted me the other day, after I have explicitly told him we are done many times...he keeps emailing. I finally worked out why he kept slipping through the block filter I had erected on hotmail...just a bit too late. So that was distressing.

Why do some people feel that even though I express that I do not want them to contact me, that because they want to, and can, that they just will anyway? I had the same thing with a guy I was seeing recently, who really crossed the line while I was at work the other day and I deleted his number. He sent me a merry xmas text. I hate being in that situation where I have to acknowledge that it was nice of them, even though it made me furious that they broke my boundaries in doing it.

At least the day is done with. I had a relaxing time and listened to some lovely celtic music which really soothed and was beautiful to hear. Ate pickles and saurkraut and strawberries and lettuce and beans fresh and had nice chai tea and watched a few things and didn't paint, though I think it would have been good for me to. There's always the weekend.

I hope everyone had a day of rest or at least that it was pleasant at times.

 

[zaniara]

It's the 25th here right now, and since my kids are celebrating with their father I'm free to NOT celebrate it today. And I haven't even managed to get the decoration up.. Am spending this day with cleaning/tidying up(project to get my home in order within 2-3 months for real for the first time in my life- doing it one room at a time) and listening to music. And I actually feel joy! :) Happy Non-Christmas to you!

(when I was little it was all about trying to look happy, smiling, be grateful and help mummy to lie to her self and playing the part 'happy kid in a family without any problems' well, so nothing got ruined.. )

 

[Britt.f7]

The first two Christmas's after my mom's death, I did not want to celebrate Christmas. I could have done without it. It was my mom's favorite holiday. This year was the first year after her death that I actually looked forward to it and glad that I celebrated it. Last year I would have wished to be how you are this year. I see nothing wrong with that. I can totally understand.

I hope you enjoy your un - christmassy day!

 

[maddog]

Well, belatedly, I too had a decidedly non-Christmas 25th of December, filled with a very complex mix of emotions and reactions that are too complicated for my brain to have even sorted out yet. There was a lot of pain and grief, aloneness and despair, and yet also a degree of relief and a strangely sad sense of freedom and independence from the world. For various reasons, I spent a good portion of the day literally walking around my neighbourhood, observing snippets of others' Christmas celebrations. It felt eerily like peeking in on the world from some place orbiting reality... which was partly wonderous/fascinating and partly very lonely.

I spent time at the gym as well, noting with some surprise that I was not alone there. I guess others were avoiding Christmasy stuff too.

I had unwanted family contact which was a partly expected, much-dreaded stressor that almost involved the police. That was bad.

But for the sake of normality, I made a point of doing several loads of washing and some house cleaning as well.

I survived. I still hate Christmas, but I survived.

Congratulations to everyone who did likewise. Whatever gets you there, gets you there!

Now for New Year...