A New Path - How can I start 2026 and the 48th of my life with a completely fresh slate and new hope?

[user56652]

I'm sitting here tonight feeling rather reflective. For the last 4 years I have been stuck in a loop of anger, sadness and resentment and I am f*cking fed up of it.

I have come to realise that many things in life are destined not to happen to me. I know I'll never fall in love, marry or have kids, I'll know I'll never have any friends. I know the town I live in will always have bad connotations and memories and I know my family will never truly heal.

So I'm asking the forum tonight for help with this:

How can I start 2026 and the 48th of my life with a completely fresh slate and new hope

 

[Movingforward10]

How can I start 2026 and the 48th of my life with a completely fresh slate and new hope

Maybe breaking down what are facts and what are predictions that may or may not happen?

From the list of things you have come to accept, I would say that the never having friends, never falling in love, never marrying and never having children may be levels of predictions that may or may not happen.
Maybe there is a future where you have friends?
Maybe there is a future where to fall in love?

The town you live in having bad connotations: maybe you won't always live in that town?

Your family never healing. That prob is a fact.

But you don't need them to heal to heal yourself.

Throwing your question back at you: what would give you hope for 2026?

 

[user56652]

Ok, I'll break it down.

Town: I may win the lottery and leave my home town (for the record I live in a rented property).

As regards the rest I may meet someone in another town or even my home town. The former seems more likely as I try to leave my hometown as much as possible.

Family. Probably split, My mother has healed and I am doing what I can to heal as well as stepping up to take more responsibility.

She and I would move. I can't see my father leaving due to age and emotional ties (my younger brother lives elsewhere but I can't see him moving.

Hope for 2026? I don't want to be negative but I have hoped for a fresh start from 2022 to 2025 but I'm still traumatised

But to answer your question I would like to start 2026 on a potential path towards recovery.

Its not a satisfactory answer but its based on my state of mind right now.

 

[Survivor3]

How would you like a new year, new you too look like? What would that include?

 

[user56652]

How would you like a new year, new you too look like? What would that include?

Ideally to regenerate as Big Ben chimes in the new year.

But seriously a sign to show I’m on the right track, I suppose that a start would be to bring the emotional and rational sides of my brain together, I try and be logical in my choices but my nerves are so shot that I can fly off at a moments notice.

 

[Rose White]

@Imbroglio my suggestion would be to learn about cognitive distortions. Understanding those is a powerful tool for shifting perspective, and shifting perspective is a huge part of the work. The reason I thought of that is because your “truths” ring loudly of “future tripping” and “fortune telling”—both of which are useful, if not downright necessary, for surviving trauma, but bite us in the ass when we are trying to recover.

And there are dozens of cognitive distortions to explore—cool thing is that learning them helps us become better scholars too, because they are often used as propaganda too so we can be on the lookout for them.

 

[gorgonzola]

@Imbroglio my suggestion would be to learn about cognitive distortions.

I got this worksheet from my therapist recently, so folks can get a quick overview of these things: Cognitive Distortions | Worksheet | Therapist Aid

I find myself particularly adept at catastrophising.

 

[Movingforward10]

Its not a satisfactory answer but its based on my state of mind right now.

Totally satisfactory answer! As it's your answer. You're exploring this topic for yourself.

But seriously a sign to show I’m on the right track, I suppose that a start would be to bring the emotional and rational sides of my brain together, I try and be logical in my choices but my nerves are so shot that I can fly off at a moments notice.

Maybe posting on here and exploring is the right track? Reaching out for help is the right track?

If you learn how to bring the emotional and rational sides together, let the rest of us know!
Sounds like some grounding techniques might help?
And like @rosewhite said, exploring cognitive distortions will be good.

 

[user56652]

Thank you, all of you. I'll look at cognitive distortions.

 

[Friday]

How can I start 2026 and the 48th of my life with a completely fresh slate and new hope

Fresh Starts / Clean Slates… have such pretty names, don’t they?… But if you think about it, a completely fresh slate would require everyone you know dying or disappearing so you have no one you can call/reach out to/share history with/seek aid/advice from, your home burning to the ground, and your city evacuated, etc.

That’s reality for millions and millions of people every year, worldwide, and it’s rarely a happy-reality. Whether one is a refugee, or the sole survivor in their family from a natural disaster, or the orphaning of a child sent far away to relations they’ve never met or into the foster system, or waking up from a car accident or house fire or illness with nothing & no one, etc.

Don’t worry! I’m not all doom&gloom!!! Promise.

My biggest point from up above is that soooooo many people WANT a completely fresh start, that they don’t go through their lives & decide what to keep & what to change. Instead it’s an all or nothing desire, so because there are things/reasons/people one DOES want to keep / reasons they can’t change “yet”, they change nothing.

- My BEST suggestion? Go away for 3-6-12mo, with the intent of returning. A temporary change of most things, to give you an idea of the possibilities out there, and the importance of/ priorities of what’s left behind. Whether that’s volunteering abroad, or a short term job, or, or, or… plan on returning, but go away for awhile.

- My 2nd best suggestion is to sit down and consciously divide your life into who/what you want to keep, or bin, or change.

Do keep in mind that wanting to keep ABC & XYZ? Isn’t all or nothing. I’d like to keep my family in my life, but outside of some very specific circumstances, don’t actually want to LIVE with them!

It seems counterintuitive… but deciding what you want to keep? Is the most effective way I know to effect change.

 

[Rose White]

Go away for 3-6-12mo, with the intent of returning. A temporary change of most things, to give you an idea of the possibilities out there

I second this. Can feel it brewing in my own life. Gonna get away. Maybe spend some of the money I saved up to pay back grad school on a cross country trip with dog and kid.

 

[Survivor3]

I like @Friday 'S response. After you've made a list and decided what you want to keep in your life... everything else becomes an option.