A "therapeutic Crisis"

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

According to my therapist we ended today by having a "therapeutic crisis". She's used this term before. I just looked it up and it said "a turning point in a therapeutic relationship leading to a positive or negative change". Okay, I can agree to that. It doesn't make me feel any better though.

I have been dealing with a lot lately and I called my therapist in crisis on Friday. I don't really want to go into the complex details but let's just say it involved feeling very unsafe. When I went to therapy today, my therapist read a poem I had written and made the suggestion that I was overreacting. I was stunned and hurt. I dissociated and did not come back until the end of our session.

At that point I was overwhelmed with emotion because she's also leaving during the exact anniversary date of a major trauma. (I know she's allows a life.) So I was angry and frustrated and overwhelmed by everything. I asked her if she believed me now and she said yes and that she would apologize more but it would just sound hollow. I stopped talking to her. I gathered my stuff and left. She followed me to my car because she assumed that I was not ready to leave. I still would not talk to her, but assured her I was myself and not dissociated.

As soon as she left, I started crying and couldn't drive. She came back and we talked. I was able to tell her that she hurt me by not believing how serious it was. Now I just feel awkward and like I never want to go back to therapy again. I also feel like I wish I could pause life and take a nice break from everything.

 

[RussH]

Hi J, sorry it was so rough on you. I hope you will go back to your therapist, so that you can continue to work toward your healing.
Yes, she did not seem to take you crisis as serious, but unfortunately sometimes therapist will drop the ball like that.
I truly hope you are doing better now.

 

[soulsearcher]

Sorry to hear of your struggles with your T. I know I have had many struggles with mine. When this happens I write the T a letter and put all my feelings out there, to help relieve the pain, before I go for my next appointment I reread my letter and if the pain is still there I address those issues with my T.
Hang in there, I hope you feel better!

 

[scout86]

Now I just feel awkward and like I never want to go back to therapy again.

I've had that feeling a few times. I've always (so far) decided to push past it and keep going. That's turned out to be ok and a good idea. There are NO human relationships that run 100% smoothly with no hitches at all, not even therapeutic ones. That's just the way things are. Think of it as "practice".

Depending on what, exactly she said, "Do you think you might be over reacting?" is a legitimate question. The answer to the question can be "No". To say, "I think you're over reacting." is different. As is "I think you might be over reacting." But, no one, not even a therapist, can get the nuance right 100% of the time. And, we don't accurately hear what gets said 100% of the time either.

Your T sounds pretty good, over all. I'd say, "think of it as practice" dealing with all the imperfections of human relationships. (I hope things improve for you real soon!)

 

[Chava]

Not sure if I'd want a "therapeutic crisis" labeled for me, but I've had moments where I felt like I could trust NOBODY, my therapist included. For me, continuing in spite of it was a way to challenge myself and sort of say that I trust my self on some level, and that I want to trust my therapist (and most of the time do, but the vulnerable parts are hard and I easily crumble or shut down). The times I don't trust my therapist, I recognize it's coming from an old wound I want to heal. So I want to go back and trust. I'm sorry you hurt so much and are overwhelmed. Do you get to see her again before she leaves?

 

[Seasounds]

Having been through something similar, please know I am opinionated about this subject.

First, I'm sorry that the relationship with your therapist, that should be stabalizing, safe, and consistent, is the opposite; it is causing problems. No therapist is perfect, but this therapist seem unwise.

For your stability, right now, I'd suggest you stay with your current therapist, consider that your therapist has good intentions, yet has professionally and perhap personally, immature limitations (e.g. telling you were over reacting, that triggerred disassociation.), while you begin to work with someone who can work with you, in a kinder, and more consistant manner.

I had a therapist once, who thought it was helpful to be confrontive, like your therapist, was to you. After a while, I realized it was traumatizing. I've done so much better, since I found a more mature, and emotionally consistant personality-in a therapist, who doesn't have to be right, or confrontative, to be therapeutic.

Progress, for me, comes from pointing out the positive, understanding that have a good reason for anything I express,
helping me feel understood, and helping me relate better to myself and others.

I hope you find what you want!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

There are NO human relationships that run 100% smoothly with no hitches at all, not even therapeutic ones. That's just the way things are. Think of it as "practice".

I definitely no that. I just get tired of the struggle sometimes. I like the idea of thinking of it as practice.

And, we don't accurately hear what gets said 100% of the time either.

Yes, this very well could me. I have no idea what her actual words were just that she said the word overreacting.

Do you get to see her again before she leaves?

Yes, thankfully. I will get to see her 4 more times before she leaves (because we are doing two sessions a week). Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they definitely help me feel like I am not the only one to have these reactions.

I had a therapist once, who thought it was helpful to be confrontive, like your therapist, was to you.

Actually, she wasn't really being confrontational. She was simply inquiring. Perhaps her wording was off, but I really think she was just trying to understand what was going on because she wasn't on the same page as me and she has way more optimism than I do.

Progress, for me, comes from pointing out the positive, understanding that have a good reason for anything I express,
helping me feel understood, and helping me relate better to myself and others.

My therapist is very good at this kind of support usually. I am not always very good at hearing it though. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I do appreciate it.

Today is a new day and I just have to remember that all is not lost because of one bad moment. Everything is so overwhelming right now that it's hard to think clearly.

 

[scout86]

Today is a new day and I just have to remember that all is not lost because of one bad moment.

Great thought! I hope it stays with you through the day and beyond. (And, I hope you don't mind if I add it to the collection on my refrigerator.)