Abandonment Trauma Triggered Pretty Bad This Week

[shimmerz]

@NovemberStar can you write down what you want to say? I know phoning is hard for me because I am afraid of somebody volleying something back to me and freezing up or not saying the right thing. Deep breaths hon (hope you don't mind - but it just felt right). Deep breaths. I am with you. :hug: This is brave.

 

[NovemberStar]

I know what I want / need to say - I've rung and left a message for the head office lady to phone me back. HOPEFULLY she will phone me soon. All I want from her is the name and contact details for who I talk to about my concerns.

If I talk to the boss, explain the situation, and how I feel, I am also hoping she can point me in the right direction as to who else that works there might be the best match for me.

I'm not asking or expecting perfection - I DO understand things come up - but honestly, even in my job where I am on call 24/7 for emergencies etc, I can honestly say that in all my YEARS if doing my job I have NEVER mucked any of my clients around as much as she has to me in the last 5-6 weeks. If I've had to cancel appointments I do all I can to get hold of the person. Sometimes I'm not able to. Sometimes I need to cancel them a second time in a row. But I ALWAYS check in as to if they need to be seen or if it can wait - if it can't wait I organise someone else to see them in the interim.

And then I make a special effort to ensure I do not let that person down again (even though I can't help change appointments due to emergencies coming up'!) because I'm AWARE of how it feels to be continually changed / mucked around. And my clients aren't those with mental health issues (for the main) - but they are pregnant and vulnerable in a different way.

It's like - f*ck - if I can organise MY appointments and commitments being ON CALL AND mentally unwell - what the f*ck is HER excuse for doing such a lousy shitty job at it???

Grrrr - getting angry now. Good. I'd prefer to be angry than depressed and hopeless!!!!!! Just want them to phone me back SOON. My anxiety level is so freaking high.

And of course my caseworker still has NOT phoned. See - wouldn't most 'normal' people, check their diary / calendar, and IF they realised they had forgotten to do something quite important on a Friday , wouldn't they try to sort it Monday???

I'm not saying phoning me was the most important thing for her to do on Friday, but given I am explained how much it affects me if she lets me down and doesn't get back to me about it - keeps leaving me hanging -as well as to how much I am really struggling lately - surely 'a 'normal' person would have some degree if sensitivity to that??????

 

[shimmerz]

Grrrr - getting angry now. Good. I'd prefer to be angry than depressed and hopeless!!!!!!

Niiiiiccccceee!

I'm not saying phoning me was the most important thing for her to do on Friday,

Yes it was.

but given I am explained how much it affects me if she lets me down and doesn't get back to me about it - keeps leaving me hanging -as well as to how much I am really struggling lately

Exactly. Purely unprofessional. Forget even the emotional part. Even playing a game on a team (and she is part of your team) there are expectations there to not let the other members down. Professionally speaking, this is absolutely not acceptable.

 

[NovemberStar]

Thanks @shimmerz.

I phoned and eventually got through to her boss. I explained the problem. Even though she seemed to want to cut me off and not hear me out - I persisted and said all I needed to say. She is 'going to meet with her and talk it through and get back to me". I said all I'm after is a) an explanation; b) a change of workers.

SHE JUST PHONED ME BACK:

A) she will ask another caseworker to phone me
B) apparently she will 'still sort it out' with my old caseworker - I'm so proud of myself, because I was able to express how I felt AND asked for further follow up please.

I'm not very happy really. The boss said she'd spoken to my caseworker and the explanation was 'she went home sick and someone was meant to telephone me and didn't' and she as very apologetic...'.

Um - ok, but as I said to the boss that doesn't explain the many other times she's failed me - I 'get' she was sick', but that does not explain the MANY other times she did not turn up or return my calls :mad::mad::mad:. What happened on Friday just been????!!!!!! Oh the boss says ''I'll follow it up''.

And I was able to say just that - and reiterate I would really like a better explanation :mad::mad::mad:.

As I told the boss - I feel she has just been too busy and keeps forgetting - and I'd MUCH rather be told the truth than get half stories that make no sense :mad::mad::mad:.

I don't really feel they will do much more about it. Seems my f*cking caseworker is just going to NOT take responsibility, shrug it all off as "'well it's not my fault I got sick and had to go home early!' NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

f*ck it's so pare insisting when mental health services dial to deliver good care and they turn it back onto the client as US being ''too complicated&' 'too high needs' and ''overreacting'

:mad::mad::mad:

They are so used to dealing with people too unwell and not able to articulate things - they just think they can shrug off all problems they created as it being the clients fault. f*ck THEM.

 

[shimmerz]

f*ck it's so pare insisting when mental health services dial to deliver good care and they turn it back onto the client as US being ''too complicated&' 'too high needs' and ''overreacting'

This is gaslighting as far as I am concerned. I am SO proud of you for being so clear headed! Look at YOU GO! Great job!

They are so used to dealing with people too unwell and not able to articulate things - they just think they can shrug off all problems they created as it being the clients fault.

I have such a hard time with this type of stereotyping. It is so easy to make someone in a difficult state of mind (at times) into a scapegoat. This absolutely ticks me off and I get nasty about it. The people on this site I have found to be absolutely brilliant in so many ways. They should not be treated as second class (or less) citizens.

I really hope you are taking the time to be proud of yourself today @NovemberStar ! If you aren't, then I will be for you!

 

[NovemberStar]

Thank you @shimmerz. I really appreciate your support so thank you for taking the time to reply. And for saying I did well at being assertive. Yes, many of us with PTSD are a little more higher functioning than a lot of other people who are unwell (I'm thinking of my friends with with bipolar and schizophrenia as well as a any I used to be in hips it'll with). The meds some of them are on make functioning incredibly difficult - think shuffling, unable to talk properly due to the side effects, barely string a sentence together.

I find those of us with trauma are very quickly pigeon holed and stereotyped - we are immediately ALL have rejection and abandonment issues; we have 'high expectations' and are 'too demanding' and 'unrealistic'.

I remember my old caseworker (one before this one at a different agency). She would continually tell me 'oh I know how you have really high expectations.....' - BULLSHIT - as I told her 'no, I actually don't have ANY expectations - because your service lets me down continually, so I've come to EXPECT NOTHING'. ) This was when I relapsed into anorexia and my 'treatment' team pretty much ignored my PLEAS for help, further referrals to the eating disorder service). But apparently, 2 months of severe restriction / starvation (I could only keep down one supplement drink A WEEK) and losing 25% of my body weight, being unable to eat anything and keep it down, heart irregularities, electrolyte imbalance, panic attacks and depression, and feeling so unheard and hopeless because my consultant psychiatrist wouldn't DO anything like refer me or speak to the consultant at the eating disorder service - apparently, that's me 'having too high expectations' because I expressed how hopeless, scared, vulnerable I felt for them not HEARING ME or offering me any help or support!!! All the caseworker would say is 'well I can't help you with your eating disorder so we aren't going to talk about that'. My consultant psychiatrist would just stare me in the face and say 'well we can give you zero help for your eating disorder....' :mad:

When I voiced my disatisfaction as to all of this at my discharge meeting (I had no choice but to go private and pay for psychiatric care given the public system had done nothing but f*ck me over and cause more harm through neglect) I was told "you should really fill out a complaints form - it'll help you feel better"

WTF - stupid me, I thought complaints processes were there to give feedback to a service so THEY can critically examine THEMSELVES and make improvements where necessary!!! :mad:.

Talk about PATRONISING!!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

I know from having worked in our hospital that the administration never listened to our complaints as employees, but they really took complaint forms seriously as those are the appropriate documentation necessary to prove the allocation of resources is necessary as there is proof it affects patients.

I always put my requests in writing. My therapists can sympathize with me, but they are powerless to change any policies or procedures without that documentation.

Filling out the form is the beginning of the complaint process. Then the form can be sent up the line to those actually able to take action on it.

I always tell my frustrated clients and co-workers to please fill out the complaint forms. If I just pass along complaints verbally, there is no record of that issue, and our supervisors will not act.

Just something to consider.

 

[shimmerz]

but they really took complaint forms seriously as those are the appropriate documentation necessary to prove the allocation of resources is necessary as there is proof it affects patients.

Be careful of this one too though. I was banned from a hospital and their resources because I dared to complain - and it was a witnessed series of events - I lost all support because I dared to speak up. Looking on the Rate MD's site I noticed a TON of complaints about this doctor (head of psychiatry with a 1.8 out of 5 rating (????)). I was vilified for having the audacity to speak up.

I am not sure how things are in different countries but I felt like when I started working within it I was naive in thinking someone actually cared - EVER.

My family GP is terrific and I stay completely away from hospitals at this point - as a matter of fact it is part of my safety plan on my medic alert information and with my supporters.

 

[NovemberStar]

@BloomInWinter - I was talking to my case workers boss - the boss didn't seem that interested in finding out a more except able explanation for my caseworkers behaviour. It's not that I'm staff and not being heard. I'm the consumer of the service (so kinda different to your example). In my role at work, yes it's exactly like you have said - it's my clients that need to let hospital management know and it's by clients' complaining that things might change there.

@shimmerz - I'm very lucky to live in a country where our health care rights are amongst the best in the world with an independent, government level commissioner that investigates all complaints and sees if our rights have been violated or 'breached'. In this case, it's not the type of 'failure' that would require a complaint at that high a level BUT I am in the process of going through the complaints process at the highest level, for the crap care I got in the public psych system. They breached my rights in a number of ways, but the biggest was they failed to work with me with TRANSPARENCY. Yes, there might be some situations where not sharing all info or concerns with a patient is helpful and might be harmful (ie if the patient was very unwell with paranoid delusions and doctors needed to get a court order to have the patient sectioned under the mental health act - then telling the patient what as about to happen before you had the order, would not be a good idea).

But in my case - it was that they made plans to notify my professional body and stop me working my having my licence revoked - where they had concerns about my ability to work and discussed it and planned it behind the scenes for 2-3 WEEKS, but not once even hinted that they were starting to have those concerns.

If they had shared their concerns, I would have stopped work. If they felt my professional body needed to be informed I could have done it myself -but the way it happened was deeply humiliating, dis-empowering and very shameful. Then I was expected to continue to work WITH them, and trust them fully? Yeah NOT. Being involved in the decisions would have enabled me to retain some control, some dignity, and empowerment in the very difficult situation.

I was not running around in denial pretending all was well - I had BEGGED them for MONTHS for higher level of care and referral to specialists (for my eating disorder); but they ignored me because THEY thought I wasn't 'that' sick - when I knew from experience - and very recent history -I was very very sick and needed the referrals and to be taken seriously.

 

[shimmerz]

@NovemberStar . WOW! They actually hold doctors responsible? We have a system where. when you file a complaint they put you through hell, just to throw it out in the end. Systematic failure through and through. I am not being flippant when I ask - do you have an extra room (and if not I will sleep in your bathtub) AND do you mind having an extra sister if I am really really nice? I swear I would chew off my left and right arm to get service that had a modicum of accountability.

I don't think anyone was thinking you were in denial - and the begging thing, well I know that all too well. I am just so happy for you that you have a proper review system put into place.

 

[NovemberStar]

@shimmerz - I can choose to go through the service to lay a complaint, or I can go straight to the governmental dept / independent commission. It's all health professionals that can be complained against at that level. Patient rights are clearly defined - and the purpose of the commission is to ascertain if the laws protecting your rights were breached.

They can find a health professional guilty of breaching rights, and then refer back to the professionals professional council for disciplinary actions (rarely is it the doctor / etc are struck off; usually they need to commit to further education, write an apology a sometimes they are suspended but that doesn't happen too often unless the breaches were criminal as in sexual offences or manslaughter.

Posting about it fires me up to go back to writing it actually... Might be a good time to do so. I made a start a few months ago.

Thanks shimmerz!

 

[NovemberStar]

Feeling so angry and unheard right now.

Heard back from caseworkers boss and didn't get a REAL explanation like I hoped for. No explanation as to why she did not phone me Friday as promised. Went on about how the phone systems will be reviewed.

Seems the f*cking boss believes my caseworkers pathetic excuses about 'its the phones fault".

I said I dont feel I have closure and would like my caseworker to email me / talk to her. I was told I should move on and focus on the work with my new caseworker.