Afraid To Be Alone

[Gina25]

Hello, I'm recently coming off of a traumatic event. I had to move back in with my parents but prior to that I was an independent self sufficient professional living in Chicago. My parents have been extremely supportive and I want to be around them all the time. I feel a certain attachment to them and to being at home. This is concerning for me because I used to be very independent. For example, when I lived in Chicago I went places by myself, had my own apartment, I even traveled the world alone. Fast forward to the present, things are much different. I don't want to leave my parent's side. I used to go to coffee shops by myself to study and it feels unsettling to do this. I just don't want to leave my parents or this house. Is this part of PTSD? If so, how can it be fixed?

 

[kona355]

This forum is a great place to begin with in your search for answers. There are very supportive people on this site who have been dealing with issues like PTSD, for years. Your fear is common to those of us who have had what is literally life changing trauma happen.

I'm glad you found this place and hope you'll give yourself grace in the days ahead. The fear can be dealt with in a healthy way, enabling you to regain your life. It's a process though and takes work. The good thing is that you want your life back. Don't give up on that desire.

 

[MesaRock]

It's definitely a part of PTSD. I was just about to make a similar post when I saw yours - I'm in a similar situation in terms of needing to stay very close to my safety support system right now (my partner and my apartment), whereas I used to recently be immensely independent and world-traveling and very social. It was very distressing at first, and through therapy and this forum and learning more, I'm realizing that the cocoon is a necessary time of healing.

I believe it's a pretty universal phase, and as disconcerting as it is to have functioning change after trauma, there is a positive light in that the time we take to heal is important and has long-term benefits, even if the short term is disorienting.

I think we just have to gradually re-establish security and safety and starting small is okay...therapy has been very useful to learn tactics to manage the stress as time comes to begin to emerge. I have found Somatic Experiencing to be extremely helpful because it has lots and lots of very concrete tips and techniques and tactics for how to train your brain and nervous system to navigate stimuli of the outside (and the inside) world.

 

[MesaRock]

ps In regards to "how this can be fixed" - I would concur with Kona that it is a process, and takes work of many different kinds. At first I thought I could manage it on my own, then decided that I needed to learn tools to heal from the trauma - I look back and think that how I started wasn't unlike breaking a leg and thinking I could just fix it on my own. Mostly, I think maintaining a support system of trusted family/friends, a therapeutic team, and places like this forum helps us learn that after trauma, whatever we are going through is "normal." I hope that makes sense. ?

There are so many amazing new approaches out there, that really help - slowly, steadily, incrementally, up and down, requiring a balance of stamina, courage, and endurance with self-kindness and self-nurturing. It's easy to freak out and be unkind to ourselves and have lower self-esteem when we discover that our functioning has changed. But it's good to replace those concerns with the knowledge that any kind of trauma requires healing time, kindness time, and with work and support we will rebuild and grow.

I started intensive somatic experiencing psychotherapy in September, after spending July and August trying out different kinds of PTSD therapists and modalities until I found what worked for me - I've been at it pretty full time and am starting to see progress in my ability to see my life take shape again. And that even though it's painful, I'm actually building a better me in the wake of what happened. Slowly.