Afraid To Talk With New People And Afraid To Leave The House When I'm Not At Work!

[rich_93]

Ok, so I know with PTSD you can feel isolated but its been getting worse since after I'd say about 16 and a half.

I started to stay in doors a lot and also noticed I'm not very good with starting conversations. I wont even say a word at work I basically just do my job. The problem with all this is that I wasn't like this id say four or five years ago. When people try and talk to me iIonly give them one word answers and if I'm in a good mood or if I did something good then I'll say a little bit more than that. But its like I don't know what to say to people its like my minds blank all the time.

Any advice at all can really be helpful and appreciated!

 

[a3a2]

Have you had any therapy? This help a lot for me, as did mild anti-anxiety meds.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am sorry you are going through this. I have had a lot of periods of isolation and though in some ways I needed to be alone at the time because it was the only way I knew to feel safe, it also ultimately gave me increased feelings of alienation from the world and other people.

When I was about 19, I remember walking across campus and realizing that my mind was blank. For years after, I didn't feel I had anything to think about. Looking back decades later, I know part of the reason was I was doing absolutely nothing I wanted to. I was sort of living someone else's life, one based on what I thought my mother wanted me to do. I had almost completely censored my own authentic organic thought and feelings.

A couple years later, still in college, I became painfully self conscious and had nothing to say to anyone and if I did speak, sometimes I couldn't finish my sentences. I sounded so foreign to me, and I would panic to be found out as having something found wrong with me. I also found it impossible to smile.

Again looking back decades later, I know that I was reeling from the deaths of my mother and grandmother but as was my unconscious habit, those feelings were buried. And I didn't have anything to smile about.

I was not saying what I felt, what I needed to get out. Any other conversation seemed worthless.

Those are a couple of my experiences when I had a blank mind and trouble speaking. I don't know if that is akin to anything you are going through. But I feel for you.

 

[rich_93]

Yes and I appreciate you for understanding, and yes to a3a2. I go every friday but sometimes she can't see me because she's on vacation. We're starting out small because thats what she thinks we should do at this point. But eventually I'm gonna ask her about the isolation and the social phobia when I see her in a few weeks.

 

[Grace511]

I am also this way. I will talk to people when I feel comfortable around them but I am always on guard. During my four years of college I never spoke to anyone. I get very nervous and scared to talk to strangers

 

[BloomInWinter]

Agoraphobia is a function of the effects of avoidance & constriction in our lives.

Unchecked, many of us with PTSD end up with impoverished social lives as the constriction causes us to avoid more and more people, places, and things which remind us of our trauma.

It's also one of our most destructive symptoms to our loved ones, or at least I've found it to be so in my life. My constant unconscious avoidance drive causes me to turn aside invitations, kindness, opportunities for networking, friendship, and simple normal life events which feel too overwhelming for me to face.

Unfortunately, as a wife and Mother, I am take the lead in our social lives so if I do not fight these constricting bonds by facing the discomfort and doing it anyway, I keep my family locked in my self-imposed prison.

It's still a struggle. With education, my supporters have learned to make and keep their own invitations even if I do not seem happy about it. Also, to not take it personally that it is a problem for me. It will likely always be a problem for me.

Now, I have a small circle of highly proven, trusted people. A slightly larger circle of friends who are safe to share many things with. A wider circle of friends to do things with and enjoy shared interests. ...and a much larger social circle where I am able to function well except on my worst days.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Just the title of this thread is something I relate to, and seems to be common to a lot of people with PTSD. Like you say, for me it has gotten worse over the years, and unfortunately, as it's been "unchecked" (I've seen lots of therapists but never with the diagnosis of PTSD in the picture), it's sort of snuck up on me gradually and finally suddenly that I have virtually NO social supports.

It sucks. I'm just now looking into therapists who specialize in PTSD, probably looking to do EMDR, and am so so so hopeful this will reopen me to the land of the living. I'm well past college age, but yes in college I barely spoke to people in classes, and had a small group of friends that I hung out with and still felt distant from (or alienated maybe), who I did not keep touch with when I took off after graduating. It's amazing to me that my social life has gotten worse in the intervening years (well, better for a time, but then much worse).

Sorry to ramble. I do that, and think social and emotional isolation causes people to ramble. So much stuff bottled up wanting to connect to others... :/

I like Bloom's post. Especially last paragraph. This is what I've been working on -- feeling out my few connections, sharing more about my past and what I'm going through now, with the goal of paying more attention to who I want to ALLOW into an inner circle, slightly larger circle, etc. Even if this means starting with seemingly no one, I've been trying to reach out, and have found a little acceptance when I've been able to be honest and self-owning about how much pain I'm in and how much I'm needing friends who I can feel okay "oversharing" with right now.

Still rambling. I'm done.

 

[rich_93]

I think they should make a place for people like us to meet people or talk to them online, so that we can get more reviews on what everybody has been going through! We should try and help them overcome fears or whatever they have wrong...i believe that if you try to help somebody with the same feelings as everyone in this forum than good things happen! it,ll have an effect on what we did for that person a whole lot. Without socialization you feel like you can ABSOLUTELY trust anybody. But if you talk to them calmly and stay by their side that might change their thinking that they actually have someone out in this world to help them or at least have cummunication with! Again thats just something to point out.

 

[rich_93]

Can't ABSOLUTELY trust anybody I meant to say.

 

[Zef]

Hi rich_93,
I'm still trying to figure this whole interaction thing out myself so I don't know if I have any advice, but I can share some experience.

I also don't start conversations in my normal day. I think I just assume that people don't want me to talk to them and I don't want to bother them. Plus, there is that whole fear of rejection thing. . .

So, at work, it came out that many of my work mates didn't feel that they could approach me which was causing communication problems. This was a surprise. I was so focused on my own deficiencies that it never occurred to me that other people would feel the same things I was feeling about them.

I brought this to me t's attention and she suggested that I try to initiate communication at work. All I was able to do was to be the first one to say 'hi' when people approached. At first, this created a bit of confusion because people were used to me not communicating, but,eventually, just that simple thing starting making both me and the other's more comfortable and communication started to become a less huge struggle.