After Surgery

[Venusian]

I had some minor surgery a few weeks ago but I had to go under general anesthesia. When I woke up there wasn't much pain and once I was able to get on my feet I was discharged and sent home in a taxi about an hour after I woke up. I was told to take over the counter pain meds but after a few hours the pain was so bad that they didn't work. Then the flashbacks started, the pain was so much like the trauma and I hadn't remembered. I remember there was pain, I just couldn't remember it if that makes sense. I have had 3 children and I remember there was a lot of pain during childbirth but I can't remember that pain either. I had to go back to the hospital in the middle of the night to get checked in case there were surgical complications but they just gave me stronger pain meds and sent me home again. The meds helped but didn't completely block the pain and the flashbacks are still coming.

My question is, how have you managed to cope when you can't shut it off or get past it? I have been able to process the flashbacks before, get past them, not these ones.

 

[Venusian]

I should add that I may be facing more surgery, more major surgery depending on the results that come back in a few weeks. I need to have a better handle on things in case that is what happens. I don't know if I can face the recovery on my own if that is what I have to do.

 

[Hashi]

I realise you wrote this a few days ago. It sounds really terrible. I hope things are better for you now.

Is there a medical professional who knows your history who you could talk to for advice? Perhaps there's a medication you could take for a short time (not for pain but for anxiety or similar) that could help you get through this.

I've sometimes experienced body memory pain that was triggered by actual, similar pain. It was beyond describing and I really thought I'd die from it. I didn't realise until later that the pain in the present had started it but that wasn't all that was happening. Also, there were memories associated with it. I wonder if this might have happened in your case, although I realise it might not have been that at all.

If any of this is still ahead of you - I don't know how you've been able to process flashbacks (and possibly body memories?) before, but is there some way you can base an approach on that, but more strongly? Whatever coping methods you normally use, it sounds like you'll need to use them 10x or 100x. One thing I do is visualisation. I know not everyone does that, and you might not want to, but it does have the advantage of being able to do it in advance as well as in reaction to things, which makes it more effective and reduces the worry beforehand.

How are you doing right now?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Venusian))) I hope you get some real help with the flashbacks. Is there a crises hot line that you can call?

Hashi gave some excellent advice and help. I wish you the best. I have not been in your situation so I cannot offer any tips to help you.

I know your plate is overloaded right now. You do need to get some real help for this asap. Wishing you the best as you go through this very painful and difficult time. Big Hugs.

 

[Venusian]

(((Hashi))), (((Gizmo))) I am doing a little better now. The flashbacks have subsided and there aren't as many as there were. I am still having pain and have to go for more scans to find out what it is, but it is unrelated to the first surgery. Chances are that it is something else that I will need surgery for, other things have already been ruled out. It isn't as overwhelming as it was when I was still healing so I can keep it in check with painkillers and that is probably why the flashbacks have slowed down.

Previously I had been able to just let the flashbacks and body memories happen. As hard as it was, that was the only way I could get them to finally stop for a while. I am still getting my memory back of what happened that morning.

This trigger, being something that won't go away, knowing how bad it was when I was healing from something relatively minor, I am terrified of what will happen if I have to have something more invasive. Now I am looking at the possibility of two unrelated surgeries in the same area within a short period of time. All of the things I had learned about grounding didn't seem to apply. I've tried different anxiety medications at really low doses and had bad reactions to all of them. There may be something out there, I just haven't found it yet. Maybe it was a good thing that it happened like this, knowing what it will be like after a surgery I can be more prepared and have a support system to help me through something more major.

 

[Hashi]

(((Venusian)))

Thinking of you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Venusian))) I am glad things are getting better for you. I am glad you are working on having a support system for the other surgeries. Take good care of you. Big hugs.

 

[Venusian]

I posted this in my diary but wold really appreciate some advice and ideas.

I have been thinking about the CT scan I will have to have sometime in the next few days. I am trying to think of ways to keep me grounded. Everything I have heard or seen on TV about these machines is that they are a long white tube but not that tight. Not that scary when you think about it rationally but lately I am not thinking all that rationally when the flashbacks start.

Part of that morning, my face was covered with a sheet or blanket, something white. It let light through but I still couldn't see anything except white and shadows while I was being attacked again. It was a constant nightmare for as long as I could remember but I did not link it to the trauma until late last year. I had a cloth shower curtain that I had used for a few years but didn't really like, it was mostly white and opaque, I kept swapping it out for my other one that I could see through. After the memory returned I could not use the first one anymore, being surrounded by a white shower curtain hanging in a white tub and walls I began to have a panic attack and had to get out of there... quickly.

I am scared I will do the same thing in the CT scan, and I really need to have this scan if I am ever going to find out what is wrong with me. I am going to be in that white tube for about a half an hour and will have to lie still.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Venusian))) Can you visualize a safe place in your mind? This is the only thing I can think of. Practice your breathing. Ask for a tranquilizer before you take it? I hope you get what helps you. Big hugs.

 

[Venusian]

Thanks gizmo, I will have to practice some of my breathing techniques I have been taught. I just wish I would get the call and it would be over. This waiting, not knowing how long I will have to wait to get an appointment or how much notice I will get is difficult. I have a new doctor and maybe I will talk to him to get some advice. I don't really want to take a sedative because they usually just make me nauseous unless they put me right to sleep.

I had someone try and talk me through a visualization and she kept going back to telling me how to breathe not realizing how big a trigger that was for me too. If I am in that scanner and start getting anxious and someone starts telling me to breathe it is just going to send me over the edge. Just thinking about this as I write it down is making me anxious. If I keep writing maybe it will count as exposure therapy and I will start to calm down.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I sure hope you find something that works. I am rooting for you.