Alone And Fatigued

[deborah l. boylan]

Does it ever stop? I mean really, does it? I'm so tired of being sick and tired. I haven't been sleeping well the las several nights even with medication and I feel like I just want to lay down and never get up. I was doing okay and now in the last three days I've been as jumpy as cat on a hot tin roof. The fire alarm went off at work yesterday and I just about came out of my skin. My son walked into our bedroom the other morning and I set straight up in bed and screamed. Scared him half to death. My body feels like it weighs about a thousand pounds and I've got muscle twitches like crazy. Seems like just when I start to feel better something says "Oh no, thats not going to happen." To just add a little icing to the cake, the Navy has decided that I'm too fat so now they want to hold a show cause hearing as to why they should keep me. I'm 197 days away from retirement and I've always past the physical readiness test but now I'm just a fat lazy good for nothing. I didn't have a weight problem before all of the medication that I'm on. They don't seem to care. Let's just keep piling on the shit and maybe we can just get rid of her. At least that's what I think they're saying. And yes I've tried getting the weight off! I've worked out so much that I've injured myself. I've taken diet pills, kept workout and food logs, counted calories, talked to Drs and Nutritionist, even made myself throw up a few times. Nothing works! God I hate this place!

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Wagon]

Hey Deb, 197 and a wake up. Back out the days you have off. Probably be more like only 150 left.

Well, I'm the number one fat ass in my book at the moment. Both my weight and mental state have been bouncing like a ball for the past 4 months since being diagnosed. And that is without Meds. I am joining a gym this week.

It makes me angry that the Navy is pulling this shit on you with only 6 months to go. Your record should speak for itself. Hang in there.

Wagon

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Deb, we are here for you if you want.

Keep your chin up

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Well, the official word got here today. They are going to have a show cause hearing because of my weight. I don't know how to handle this. I knew it was coming but now that its official I'm not sure that I can handle it. This has to be one the most humiliating things a person can go through. I've tried to lose the weight but nothing seems to work. I work out, watch what I eat. I've done every diet pill on the shelf and just about every work out routine out there. I've even taken myself off of my medication thinking that would help. You can imagine what happened. Disaster! No telling how much money I've spent trying to get the weight off. The thing is I'm only 3% body fat over. The navy only sees the numbers on a page and they say that I'm not making progress so I'm not useful anymore. They make no exceptions for people on medications that cause weight gain or for those who have metabolic conditions like thyroid problems. Just numbers on a page. Now I feel like I'm some kind of fat slob who isn't good for anything. All I wanted to do is finish up my time and retire quietly. No bands, no medals, just fad away. Now all of that is probably gone down the drain, right along with my retirement check. How am I going to support my family now. I haven't been able to work in the operating room for several months now because it triggers me. What if I can't work in nursing in the civilian world because of my triggers?

We still have two boys at home and are raising our grandson. My husband works evenings and my work is dayshift so we don't have to put our grandson in daycare. The truth is I'm worth more dead than alive. I don't want to be this way anymore. I feel like I'm a burdon on everyone and people are sick and tired of hearing about how lousy I'm feeling or walking on eggshells around me because they're afraid I'l go off on them. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do! I know that the taking the easy way out is not the answer but sometimes it sure sounds appealing. Like most of us, I just want the pain to stop! I think I'm going to head up to see my Dr. Maybe he can get me through this rough spot. Thanks again for listening guys. I really appreciate it.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Deb, I'm really sorry you are going through a rough time. It sounds awful that the Navy are calling a hearing because of your medical condition. In the UK there is a disability discrimination act which means you cannot be fired on the grounds of ill health without them at least making reasonable adjustments in the workplace or offering redeployment. Seeing your Dr sounds like a good idea. Do you belong to a nursing union where you could get advice?

I'm rooting for ya, hang in there honey.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Deb, over here we have a defence ombudsman, or someone in the legal area.

I don't think its all bad news. Lets try and look at what you can do.
Personally, I have defended numerous people towards the end of my career, including defending a couple that were asked to show cause.

Find yourself a good defending officer or someone who knows how to word a mitigation document. This is only the first show cause hearing. If you play your cards right and get a good defending officer, they should be able to help you out.

I don't know how far away this hearing is, but start gathering evidence.
Go to your psychiatrist and tell them whats happening. They might be able to lean weight towards the medication causing weight gain. Also, if it is recognised PTSD related to combat, they can also slam away with all the symptoms.

You are not trying to remain in service, but hang out until your retirement.
It may be different over here, but if you can get them to admit liability for your discharge (i.e. PTSD not your weight), it may be better financially for you.

Another avenue might be a local Veterans Association.

Just remember, this is only a hearing and you have another avenue of appeal afterwards. If they choose to discharge you because of your weight, and you have only been that way since being on anti depressants and other psychiatric medication, you could always go to the media.

Anyway, after all this, its only my opinion. If I were in your shoes though, I would gather all the medical evidence I could, I would get someone to help defend you, I would get all the positive stuff like performance reports from the past prior to PTSD (hopefully these will show physical fitness prior and good work ethic).

Hope I have helped. If I lived over there, I would come help. People you used to come find me from all different units to defend them. If I could not get them off, I got leniency.

Hope I have given you some avenues.

Jimmy