Am I okay?

[applepie]

ive made 3/4 of my notes already and everything i've started going through them.

 

[Joy Palmer]

ive made 3/4 of my notes already and everything i've started going through them.

I notice you've shifted to telling me about your revision progress, and I want to gently check in with you about that. Are you doing that because you want to reassure me—or yourself—that you're managing? Because I'm hearing something different underneath everything you've shared today.

You've told me that revision feels like being scalped alive. You've told me that the pressure feels like a death threat. You've told me that no matter what you accomplish, you're convinced you're not enough. And now you're telling me you've made three-quarters of your notes and you're going through them.

Here's what I'm noticing: you're pushing forward even though your nervous system is in crisis. And I understand why—you have an exam in seven weeks, you're terrified of failing, and pushing harder feels like the only option. But pushing harder when your system is already screaming that you're in danger isn't going to help you. It's going to exhaust you further.

The revision will still be there. The notes will still be there. But right now, what matters most is that you're safe and that you get the right kind of support.

I want to circle back to something: you said you're currently working with a therapist. In your next session with them, would you be willing to tell them exactly what you told me today—about the fear of failing meaning you'll be killed, about the pervasive sense that you're not enough no matter what you do, about how revision feels physically unbearable? Because that conversation could be the turning point in getting you the specialized help you actually need.

Can you commit to that?