Am I Overthinking What The Therapist Said On The Phone?

[evergreen]

First of all, I called a therapist in my area (not a community counseling center) and set up an appointment. There was a bit of 'tag' to make the actual conversation happen. I had to leave him a message, then he called back and left me a message, and then I had to call him back. He answered.

First problem in conversation was: I had no idea what to say when he asked questions. Like, "What do you want to do in therapy"? I had already gone over it in my head, but the way he asked me for some reason, I just didn't know what to say. I lost all my connections with my knowledge bank and had to just blurt stuff out. That was awkward and made me worry this is how I will always be in therapy.

Should I tell him this happens?

Second problem in conversation was: He asked if I would prefer to see a female. He told me about this woman intern he has who is married and 49 and has kids so she could identify with me. Uhm, I am not looking for a woman's circle to talk about how hard marriage and raising kids is. I AM LOOKING FOR A THERAPIST TO HELP ME WITH MY PTSD FROM EXTENDED CHILDHOOD ABUSE.

This opened a whole variety of 'subproblems':
He mentioned something about my medicaid. Does he not want to waste his time on Medicaid when he can get 85 cash per hour? Is that why he is passing me off to an intern?

Was I WRONG to end up telling him I only wanted to see him? Was I ungrateful?

Do I want to see a man because I want a man to accept me and tell me I am ok?

Does he think I want to screw him?

Why DO I prefer a man? OMG, I think deep down I believe men are more competent!!!!

He was already trying to dump me off on someone else because of my damage.

He won't listen to me because he doesn't want to be me therapist. He will eventually tell me he is passing me off to someone else. To one of his female interns. Abandonment and rejection and being too messed up.

So, I ended up telling him that I saw his website, I was prepared to meet with him, and thinking of seeing anyone else at this point causes me great stress. He did tell me if I was 'deadset' on seeing him, I could see him.

Deadset? He ended up reminding me of some cocky arrogant young physician with way too much confidence.

Maybe I should have just agreed to seeing someone else.

Is this unreasonable thinking I am doing? I mean, he did say he would see me. He has the option to say he is full and only his interns can take me right now. Right?

 

[Tinyflame]

Geez evergreen, I'd still be stuck at the first question. :confused: :(

But yes, some is perhaps overthinking (?), I think you're looking for a sound service and someone competent you could speak with.

Not sure if that helps? :( ?

 

[evergreen]

LOL Junebug! I love the emoticons you threw in there :)

I think I will just tell him. I think it is important for me to stay on top of things and not feel that any therapist is superior to me which will cause me to do this little girl insecurity thing. He is an adult, I am an adult. He has a service that my insurance covers. If things don't go well with him, he has interns I can see.

But I will tell him this is what I experienced on the phone. It's all part of my PTSD I believe. That is what I am hiring him to help me with.

YEAH!

 

[evergreen]

Oh, I did make an appointment with him. It is Friday at 4pm.

 

[Tinyflame]

Great evergreen, to make an appointment takes a lot of guts, as well as to be honest. :tup:

I'm sure others with more experience will have much to add, good luck friday! :)

 

[evergreen]

It went well. I talked to him about the phone conversation and the things I perceived. He noted that I think other people's reactions and what they say are because of me--that it could never have anything to do with the other person. He was right, but I don't always think that way. I do think that way when PTSD is knocking me sideways though. He told me he asked if I wanted to see someone else because he has others in his group that need to build their client base. I am thankful I get to see him, the president of the group. Luckily he still has spots available. And he is seeing me next week.

He also noted the worry I have over rejection. I would rather him just reject me now than later. Get it over with if you are going to reject me.

I think I like him. We will see.

 

[anthony]

I think you have taken it and blown it all wayyyyy out of proportion.

Sometimes females don't want to see a male therapist... and vice versa, hence why the option is given. It seems most of your thinking got off track at that point.