Am I Wrong?

[Casey_03]

I had a major freak out today. Have spent the last three days dealing with lawyers over this discrimination case at work. I can barely sleep; I spend entire nights awake worrying about what to do over this work situation and pregnancy, then I wake up and continue having to stress over it throughout the day. A lot of friends and colleagues have gotten involved to show their support, and I appreciate their help, but at times it's too overwhelming. When I wake up and have dozens of people trying to offer me advice on what to do and how to do it, and everyone's advice is different and they're all very insistent, I panic. Today this situation led to me literally collapsing onto the floor and hyperventilating for a good two hours, then rocking back and forth and being basically catatonic. When I first started panicking today, a friend of mine who lives nearby showed up at my apartment even after being asked not to. I know she was just worried and had only good intentions, but this drove me even deeper into panic and made me feel guilty on top of everything else. She called and I explicitly said "I need to be alone, please do not come over, I cannot talk and want to be alone." Then she showed up anyway, sat outside my door, called me about a million times and messaged me, had other people call me and message me. And each time, it made me feel worse and worse, and hyperventilate more. I was simply in no state to talk to or see anybody, period. And the flood of phone calls and uninvited arrival just made everything worse. But of course I know she only wanted to show support. Am I wrong for this? I have now spent the rest of the day feeling guilty that i didn't let her in when she showed up and sat outside. But I explicitly asked her to leave me be. What do you all think?

 

[Friday]

Just because someone wants to be supportive, doesn't mean their actions actually are supportive! Good intentions pave the road to hell.

Even without PTSD there are times when people simply need space/alone time... And there are people who crash through those boundaries, and then worse get their feelings hurt when they aren't thanked for it. :banghead: I can't tell you how many dozens of times I've seen this happen to not me whilst my son was in hospital. Busybody & nonlistening visitors are such a well known problem, in fact, that the hospital has a code for it. LOL, technically 2 codes. CodePurple is the code for calling security to have them escorted off property, now, period. CodeLavender is an SOS for distraught parents to use to have medical personnel ban visitors who are harassing them, but who are not -yet- at the point of needing an armed escort off property.

WITH PTSD? It's even more vital that we monitor and pace ourselves, and isolation is a tool in that. Not the unhealthy version of isolation, but the physical act of taking some time & space to lower our stress levels in response to being overwhelmed.

Yes, your friend meant well, but that doesn't mean you were wrong -at all- to be managing your stress, trying to take some time & space, nor somehow obligated -even if it were magically possible- to give her what she needed in the middle of your own crisis.

 

[scout86]

I'm with Friday. I can't figure out what part of "I want to be alone" was so hard to understand. I've never had anyone do anything like that and can't imagine how I'd handle it. Especially because I can see how, if they're REALLY worried about you, I suppose the more you insist you want to be left alone, the more they worry. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. I hope you can figure out a way to explain to them that you appreciate their caring but they're going overboard.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation, Casey. I can't imagine how overwhelming that would be.

You're not wrong for stating your needs and standing by them. As Friday said, road to hell, good intentions, etc. ;)

I don't know if this is helpful after the fact, but the people I am closest to know that when I say I'm okay but I can't talk or really need to be alone, they know I really need to be alone. Making excuses Simon is being lame or reclusive but maybe needs someone to help. Saying very clearly, "I need this" Simon needs her space.

I am learning more and more how to communicate broadly and without crossing my own boundaries to people who care about me what I need or how I'm feeling without stress on anyone. It is a long, trying, annoying, mystifying process. We do our best. Other people do their best. Sometimes those efforts clash; sometimes they harmonize.