Amazing moment

[Deleted member 42665]

So I have issues getting close to people. I grew up in a home where I was neglected and emotionally abused... no hugs from my family ever. I had times in my life where friends and such would hug me, and it weirded me out. I would just awkwardly stand there.
Then I found out recently my dog is dying, my best friend in the world and it made me feel like I wish I was ok with hugging people. So I mentioned this in therapy a few times and then yesterday again, I was telling him how I didn't understand why I craved something that scares me but sometimes I do.

He then says "I saved this to the end, because I don't wanna make you anxious and please know you can say no or lets wait but I am wondering how you feel if I hug you?" It was so crazy to hear... and I actually took a moment to think about it rather than just impulsively say no.

So I agreed to it. He hugged me and I hugged him. This was the first time in my life (I'm in my 30s) that I ever hugged someone back. It was crazy empowering. Now I feel more bonded with him though (downside) but I feel so much trust, that I feel I can stroll in there and say anything.

If I ever get the courage to initiate a hug with him, that would be even more incredible. I am too afraid to ask people stuff, and surely not ready for it yet but maybe someday

Anyway I just had to share, I got so lucky with this therapist, even though I'm sure when therapy ends, he will forget me, I'll never forget him

 

[Eagle3]

Yep, T's who hug are the BEST!! I also had to have a special "how to hug" session with my T, and it helped so much. It's been a year since we've been hugging after session, but its only recently that I've actually been starting to feel a real connection during that hug. And yes, physical touch did so much to help boost trust. I wish therapists could have a course in school on the importance and use of therapeutic touch. It would do so much for so many people! My T, who focuses on experiential modalities, actually sat on the floor and held me for 20 minutes one session, just because I needed it. That did more to help me than anything else he's ever done, even the body-work and energy healing sessions (which do lots of good, and are integral to my healing). I'm too scared of rejection to ask for another holding session, but I think just one more would do so much good for me. Feeling safe and comforted for the first time in my life is so healing, and the level of trust and connection skyrockets after something like that.

I'm so glad you have such an awesome T! Enjoy that one as long as you can!

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Yep, T's who hug are the BEST!! I also had to have a special "how to hug" session with my T, and it helped...

Yes, you mentioned the holding session before, that sounds amazing but I'm not sure I'd be ready for that yet. I agree, touch is healing. I do hope at some point I feel enough courage to ask him for a hug, but I struggle so much with even starting conversations, not sure that will happen

I'm sure he will do it again sometime though, trying to get me used to human touch more since I'm not used to it at all.

 

[Eagle3]

Yeah, my T usually has to make the first move. I only asked him for a hug last session because he was going out of town for a week, and I was going to miss a session because of it. I wanted a freaking good hug before he left, and I had to ask to get one! He seemed surprised that I asked, but its good practice. We've made it sort of a regular ritual because he's the only real human contact I have in a week, so we make an effort to get those in. Huggy T's are great!

 

[Teamwork]

I struggle with this too. My daughter sometimes asks for a hug and since I know it's important to do so I do it but the body moves towards her in anger. Or at least that is what I think I am feeling and also at the same time hoping she doesn't sense it.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Yeah, my T usually has to make the first move. I only asked him for a hug last session because he was goin...

On Friday he suggested we end every session this way... so I can get more used to it, however he didn't on Friday lol... I am too scared to ask so unless he remembers to again, we wont be. We will see what happens this Friday I guess.

I just wonder how hugging someone I trust and feel safe with will help me with hugging ppl I dont feel that with?

 

[ladee]

I don't ever remember being hugged as a child... not for simple affection or nurturing... I do remember one of my sisters saying, 'come here and let me hug the baby'... when I was a teenager and simply having a teenage moment.... it wasn't a real hug she offered, it was a put down because I was crying... and yet I am a very huggy person.... I do live in a part of the country where hugging is a very natural and accepted greeting... men hugging men is so beautiful.... just strong friendship, or they hadn't seen each other in awhile....

There are some people I don't like touching me, much less hugging me, and I'm sure my body language says it loud and clear... so rarely do I have to set that boundary..... human touch.... I can tell when I am starved for human touch.... just helps us to know we belong on the earth.