Annual Work Meeting About Performance

[Fraser46]

Hello,

Just wanted some advice. I am a teacher that has PTSD (from being attacked abroad in 2012) and my work as completely aware of my diagnosis and reasons for why I can become anxious and agitated. They are very understanding re appointments etc and I have a good relationship with my HT. This year has been very difficult and I have had multiple meltdowns at work, which has been frustrating and embarrassing. I had my annual professional review yesterday with my depute (who I get on ok with, although not aswell as my headteacher). Review was initially quite positive and we discussed the progress I have made professional. We then discussed challenges and ofcourse this straightaway turned into a discussion about my anxiety and the impact it has on my work. My depute then discussed that she felt that really my main target for teaching this year should be a personal rather than professional as my PTSD has a impact on my teaching.

We discussed some very difficult issues and ofcourse I got upset. We agreed on two targets:
1) To try and work on dealing with my anxiety
2) To work collegiately with XX
3) To be honest with management about how I am feeling particularly when I am having a difficult time.

These targets were then emailed to myself and HT and I have to write these up detailing my method to achieve these targets and what support I will require to achieve this. This is a copy of the email below that was sent to myself and Headteacher.

"Suzanne and I have just had a very productive but difficult PR&D. We have discussed the following things and we wanted to let you know what has been agreed.

One of Suzanne’s focuses next year will be to develop strategies to deal with her anxiety so that she can continue to work within the teaching profession. We both agree that she needs to be kinder to herself and that if she isn’t she will do long term damage that might prevent her continuing with her teaching career. We have made this her main focus along with working collegiately with XX. We don’t feel that we should focus on any more as the management of her anxiety is the foundation for her professional development.


Suzanne is considering whether we will share this target with XX so that she can effectively support her as well.

We have also agreed that she needs to be honest with us, and in particular HT, so that we can fully support her and develop approaches to ensuring that her wellbeing is maintained and therefore she is able to do the best for the pupils she teaches."

So yes I agree that I have to work on dealing with my anxiety, but this is easier said than done. Also sometimes I go through a ok spell and make progress and then I am to square one again! Also how can I actually prove that I have make progress with these targets.

Target 2 is fine, as I work really well with the teacher as we shared a nursery class before and now we are working alongside each other in additional needs. Target 3, I try to be as honest as possible (I am more honest with the Headteacher as she is easier to talk to) but again this is difficult to evidence and record what action I will take.

I do believe that my boss (Headteacher and deputes), as trying to look after my best interests, they are supportive when I am frightened/anxious/upset, I can go home at anyway when I feel I am anxious, they are understanding about appointments, but I am worried if I cant actually say that I have made progress this time next year.

This probably is a random post, but just worried about what strategies I could suggest to control my anxiety - as I know progress will be slow. Understandably I want to work with my employer to achieve these targets, but it could be difficult for my confidence if I dont achieve these.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation. I am a teacher and this past year my PTSD affected my work though not as much as it affected the rest of my life. However, it has caused me to be absent "a lot" and the parental community has spread the word that it affects their children (which I am sure it did some, but in the big picture, I did not see adverse effects). I was supposed to be on cycle for evaluation this year, but because I was doing so poorly in the fall it was December before we even got to talk about setting goals. My principal and I decided to ask for permission to defer the evaluation for a year and it was granted. My principal said that one of my goals next year will be attendance. I am so nervous for the evaluation cycle because even though the principal has presented herself as supporting, I can't trust that (because I have a hard time trusting anyone) and I feel that this will give her a ready-made opportunity to say that I shouldn't be teaching.

However, I am still going to try my best and I have realized that the first thing I need to do is identify as many triggers as I can that could come up at school. From there I plan to work with my therapist on several strategies to help myself through those triggers. If I can learn to control some of my reactions or work through them a little faster (not taking hours or a whole day), that would be an improvement. I am having a HUGE issue with strategies though. Once I get the triggers listed out (thunderstorms, fire alarms, strangers...), I plan to make a card with strategies that apply to each. Also, one for dealing with flashbacks and general anxiety.

I wish you luck on your journey towards figuring out what will work for you in your job.

 

[Suzetig]

I can hear how anxious you are about your review and do understand why you'd be feeling that way. It's does however read like a really supportive meeting and the areas they're looking at could make all the difference to your time at work.

There are a number of things you can do that would make this a joint responsibility rather than something you carry alone. The first thing is to ask for regular support and supervision. The teaching profession is one of the few working with children where practitioners don't seem to have supervision more than termly. Ask your deputy if you and she can meet every 4/6 weeks to give a structured opportunity for you to talk about work issues, seek regular support and explain how you're managing your health. In this meeting you can talk about self care strategies, identify times you've been able to work through your anxiety and ways in which you've developed your working relationship with X. Written record of the meeting would form part of your evidence for next years review.

From my reading of it, it seems your deputy head thinks you're overly hard on yourself. Identity ways that you can be seen to be kinder, eg instead of beating yourself up when something goes wrong, talk to your deputy about how you know X didn't work out the way you hoped, that you've reflected on it and know what you'd do differently but that you've managed to avoid flogging yourself in the process. If you can have those conversations in the above mentioned supervision, all the better.

It does sound like your deputy has concern for you, while your relationship with our HT might be better, if the deputy is your line manager do try to foster that as a key relationship. The more she sees you coming to her, the more secure she'll feel that you'll bring issues to her as they arise.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Ask your deputy if you and she can meet every 4/6 weeks to give a structured opportunity for you to talk about work issues, seek regular support and explain how you're managing your health. In this meeting you can talk about self care strategies, identify times you've been able to work through your anxiety and ways in which you've developed your working relationship with X. Written record of the meeting would form part of your evidence for next years review.

I like that idea- setting up meetings in advance and not waiting until something has happened. I think I might try that suggestion myself.

 

[littlelostchild]

It sounds like you and your administration are working as a team and that is great. I am a school principal, so I hope to provide a perspective from that side too. I really like Suzetig's suggestion about regularly scheduled check ins with other discussions as required. I also suggest that you make goal 1 really focused - in her report, the depute suggests that you are working on strategies to deal with your anxiety. Since you want to be able to confirm what is working, stick to discussing the strategies you are trying and which ones are working best for you and how the HT and depute can support you with this. For example, I had a teacher who found it difficult to do indoor supervision duties due to certain circumstances, so we assigned her to outdoor supervision duties. If you can describe the type of strategy that works, perhaps it can be fine tuned to your specific environment. When something is really not working, identify that too - it is helpful if you can help identify what is not working about a situation (location, time, people, environmental factors, etc), so a modification can be made. You will be able to track your progress if you measure the success of the use of the strategies. Think of it the same way you would measure the success of a student who is learning a new skill - you try various strategies until you find the ones best suited to your style. Then you assess your ability to implement them (be kind to yourself and use a tool that is non-biased to track your success). This will not only show them that you are making progress, but more importantly, it will prove it to you. We really do want our staff to be successful and will try hard to make that happen as school leaders.

Best of luck!

 

[Fraser46]

Thank you for all your advice. I think organising regular check-ins is a good idea. I do get on well with both the deputes and headteacher and they have been supportive. I just found it quite upsetting that the targets picked were personal targets rather than professional. I also feel the first one is something that I try so hard to do anyway although I do realise that I am not always successful. I am very hard on myself at work and push myself to the extreme (particularly when I am anxious) and I understand that this has to stop. It is just identifying strategies that it difficult as somethings something will be to ease my anxious on one day but it actually makes me worse the next.

 

[littlelostchild]

I was a bit surprised about target 1 at first until I began to think about it in terms of the depute wanting you to focus on strategies to manage anxiety in order to remain in the profession. Although a bit unorthodox, you recognize that it seems to fit and it is great that they are willing to make it a goal. It will help you professionally to be able to manage your anxiety, correct? They are willing to support you through this, which you have identified as difficult. I think it can be a real win for you.

I will be returning to work in the fall myself with no support network at school. All of my supports are outside the workplace, so I am hopeful that the work I have done during my leave and continue to do alongside my return will be enough.

I believe you will grow professionally through your target 1 goal.

Best of luck

 

[Suzetig]

I can see why you feel upset about your performance targets being "personal" goals - I guess it puts on record in some way that you've struggled with your health and makes a direct link to how you are professionally. I know how hard that's been for me in the past.

In terms of strategies, it makes sense that different things work at different times - it may be about identifying a "toolkit" of things that you draw on when you need to. You don't need to share the detail of these with your deputy, just that she knows you've got a number of things that help you manage on a day to day basis. I get incredibly anxious at work and my toolkit includes breathing exercises, scented hand cream for self soothing, nice tea, a very detailed, colourful postcard on my notice board to pull my attention out of myself, contact with specific supportive colleagues, going for a 5 minute walk outside and planning my diary to make sure I have some space to catch my breath in the working day. My manager doesn't know many of these but sees the results in me consistently being at work. I did need to negotiate working hours, break times etc and this might be something your line manager can support you with.

It's not easy, it does seem like they want to support you though and developing your own coping strategies will help in other areas of life too. Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing the best you can, which is all anyone can ask for really.