Anxiety About Psychiatrist Appointment

[GrahamCracker]

So I am going to see a psychiatrist on Tuesday for the first time in four years. I have been having a lot of anxiety and have been ruminating and think I need some sort of meds.

My issue is that my PTSD stems from psychiatric abuse. I was hospitalized when I was 12 for being suicidal and was sexually abused in that setting. I was completely traumatized and was unable to talk about it. After it happened, I was catatonic for a while which led the doctors to believe I was psychotic. So they started with the meds and I couldn't talk about what happened for fear of getting myself back into the hospital. They added meds and more meds and I felt sick, had actual breakdowns from repressing what happened and being overloaded with chemicals (I was on 6 to 9 pills at any given time).

I was told that if I didn't take the meds I would be involuntarily committed, so I felt I had no choice. The blessing in disguise came when I lost my insurance. At that point I had been in this cycle for about 10 years and was so miserable that I thought it was about a break even with the state controlling my meds and the possible consequences of getting off of them completely. I did pick the latter option and the withdrawal was awful: I was hurting, sweaty, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, felt like things were crawling under my skin for almost two months straight.

Then I got better. Everything was clear again. I was able to start socializing with people my age, I lost weight and was much happier. I was able to talk about what had happened to me in therapy and I was undiagnosed with all of the bogus stuff I had been diagnosed with in the ten years prior and given the PTSD label.

So now I have a pretty decent career that's gone a little too far too fast. While that's generally a good thing the stress is making my anxiety, my fear of failure and especially my paranoia flare up. I don't think I am "in the red" yet at work, but I am an upper-level manager and I need to get it together so that I don't get there. I'm having a conflict resolution meeting with my supervisors and HR person next week, which is an anxiety post for another time.

Anyway, the past few weeks have made me realize that I need some sort of pharmaceutical intervention, at least for the time being.

I keep trying to reassure myself....I found a highly recommended psychiatrist who let me explain my situation and fears and seemed sympathetic on the phone, I know what not to say to get hospitalized, I am a grown up and am capable of walking away, I can afford a lawyer, dagnabit!, I know what my body can and can't handle, I know that I can set limits, I know that I will experience side effects but that is the trade off for preserving my job at this time.

I'm still scared! I have recently gotten some pretty awful body aches and nausea that I know are stress-related and they are flaring up big time right now. I have a huge knot in the pit of my stomach. I'm not doing a very good job of reassuring myself right now.

Some support or some sharing of positive experiences with meds/psychiatrists would be appreciated if anyone has any.

 

[Hope4future]

I just went through a tough period and my psychiatrist was exceptionally supportive and caring. She wanted me to go into the hospital, but I was too afraid to for a number of different reasons. She didn't force me, but respected my decision and is working with me in other ways. By the way, in the US, i think it takes at least two doctors to commit you against your will.

It's good to remind yourself that you're an adult now and have more power and more options than you did when you were a kid. You may want to consider taking or wearing something to the appointment that grounds you solidly in your adult self.

Be sure to trust your instincts. If you don't feel comfortable then find someone else.

Good luck.

 

[maddog]

Hi Grahamcracker. I think you've done an excellent job of articulating yourself about your current situation, and in doing so, you are very clearly in control of yourself, your anxiety and your reasonable judgment about what you need at this time. At a rational level, I think it is highly unlikely, bordering on completely implausible, that any decent psychiatrist would become heavyhanded with you at this time about meds, hospitalisation or anything else.

That said, I empathise deeply with anxiety not being a rational beast, and given your horrible past, it is no wonder that any brush with "the system" should spark feelings of uncertainty.

Your early contact with the psychiatrist to date sounds encouraging and positive. This suggests a positive encounter when you meet, but in the event that it isn't, as you've outlined, you have the resources to do something about it.

Try to just be clear about what you want/need to say, have notes if you feel you need them, and remember, above all, that when i'ts over you will walk out of the office on your own two feet, under your own steam, and go back to your life in full control of it.

Good luck, do let us know how it goes.

Maddog

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you in therapy now? If not, I wonder why you jump to the conclusion that you need drugs over therapy. The goal is to learn how to control our symptoms on our own and not just turn to meds to do it for us.

 

[GrahamCracker]

Hope4future: I have been thinking about the grounding idea. I had a therapist that used too give me those temporary hand-warming heat packs when I would get anxious. I don't care if it makes me look totally weird, I'm thinking about bringing one.

Maddog: This is comforting. I will post an update after I go!

Solara: I have been in therapy forever. It helps me with many things. I see meds as a temporary solution. If they allow me to keep my job and my independence, which has been better for my mental health than anything else so far, then I am willing to apply them where they are useful.