Sufferer Anxious attachment

[Qatn]

Hi everyone, I’m new here, so just wanted to do a quick intro and ask a question:

I suffer from Complex PTSD due to bad/neglectful parenting. Now as an adult, I am currently in therapy to learn more about myself and how this C-PTSD is showing up in my adult life, and to build the tools to navigate adulthood.

I discovered this forum as I am currently struggling with my anxious attachment style that seems to be creeping up into my adulthood in my marriage.

My partner had a healthy family upbringing, hence has a secure attachment style. So I have a really hard time communicating the anxiety I feel when we are apart. In fact, it feels like the more I communicate it to him, the more he is stepping back and prolonging the time that we see one another (we are currently doing long distance).

I am learning through therapy that the best way to deal with this is to give him space and to learn to self-sooth. However, this is not an easy task.

So I was wondering if any of you also struggle with an anxious attachment style. If so, can you please share your experience with dealing with it in a marriage or any committed relationship during times apart from your significant other? How do you cope? How exactly do you overcome the challenges to successfully self-sooth and learn to be okay with being alone-irrespective of the presence or absence of your significant other?

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi everyone, I’m new here, so just wanted to do a quick intro and ask a question:

I suffer from Complex PTSD due to bad/neglectful parenting. Now as an adult, I am currently in therapy to learn more about myself and how this C-PTSD is showing up in my adult life, and to build the tools to navigate adulthood.

I discovered this forum as I am currently struggling with my anxious attachment style that seems to be creeping up into my adulthood in my marriage.

My partner had a healthy family upbringing, hence has a secure attachment style. So I have a really hard time communicating the anxiety I feel when we are apart. In fact, it feels like the more I communicate it to him, the more he is stepping back and prolonging the time that we see one another (we are currently doing long distance).

I am learning through therapy that the best way to deal with this is to give him space and to learn to self-sooth. However, this is not an easy task.

So I was wondering if any of you also struggle with an anxious attachment style. If so, can you please share your experience with dealing with it in a marriage or any committed relationship during times apart from your significant other? How do you cope? How exactly do you overcome the challenges to successfully self-sooth and learn to be okay with being alone-irrespective of the presence or absence of your significant other?

Hi there, welcome to the community! I'm glad you found your way here to share your experiences and seek support. It's commendable that you're in therapy and actively working on understanding and navigating your C-PTSD.

Anxious attachment styles can indeed present challenges in relationships, especially when there are differences in attachment styles between partners. It's great that you're seeking to learn more about how to cope with these feelings and work towards self-soothing.

Many members of this community may have experienced similar struggles with anxious attachment styles in relationships and could offer valuable insights and support based on their own journeys. The forums here on myptsd.com cover various topics related to PTSD and C-PTSD, including attachment styles and relationships, where you can connect with others who can relate to your experiences.

Developing healthy coping mechanisms, such as self-soothing techniques and personal self-care practices, can be beneficial in managing anxious attachment patterns. It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and feelings in a way that fosters understanding and connection.

Remember, seeking support from both peers and professionals can be crucial in navigating these challenges. Feel free to explore the different forums here to find relevant discussions and connect with others who may share similar experiences. You're not alone in this journey, and there are people here who understand and are ready to support you.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

We are clones, I am going through an identical situation. My wife informed me almost 4 months ago that she wanted to live separately, maybe permanently. Everyone who was abused as a child has attachment issues. I am also an anxious attachment person and my wife is a dismissive avoidant. We have been married for almost 28 years. She is extremely successful and works 24/7. I think her work obsession made my anxiety around the marriage much worse.

Anyway, what I am doing is being completely honest and vulnerable. We are doing marriage counseling and we have started going out on dates, even a couple kisses. As for myself I am giving her as much space as I can. I think things are improving. I also immediately started personal therapy and some accelerated ptsd therapy. I talked to medical professionals about all aspects and I was put on Buspirone which really helps but it is not 100%. I was also prescribed a benzo which I have only used 3 times. I was always frustrated from the ptsd and I read a study about using a sub therapeutic of Zoloft for people with ptsd to reduce anger and frustration. I pointed it out to my doc and he prescribed it. I haven’t used a swear word since, amazing. I am just diving in head first working on myself. Rationally it seems like we are making progress on the marriage but emotionally it has been devastating. One piece of advice is get out in nature and walk or run. Exercise and fresh air do wonders.

 

[Qatn]

Thank you so much for being kind & vulnerable enough to share your story with me and all the ways you are addressing your separation anxiety. It makes me feel less alone and gives me hope that there are many ways to help ease my anxious attachment.

A healthy marriage is such a lovely thing, especially as a C-PTSD survivor. So, it is especially difficult as a person with separation anxiety to be apart from one’s significant other for any amount of time, let alone the thought of living separately.

28 years is a lot of time, and it’s impressive you and your wife are actively working on improving your marriage through couples therapy, more dates, and giving your wife space despite your separation anxiety. I hope you can be proud of yourself for all of the work you are doing to ease your separation anxiety and to address the challenges you have identified in your marriage. It’s really commendable and I’ve learned a lot from all that you’ve kindly shared with me.

I wish you the very best in your healing journey and marriage!