I'm really attached to my teacher and i can't cope

[anonymousflower]

Hey guys,

As the title say, I'm attached to my teacher.
My attachment style is very likely anxious preoccupied, and it's slowly killing me.
For context, I'm 19 and in a sort of college, it works a little differently in Europe tho. We have a very small class and the teachers know everyone and they also make sure to talk to everyone periodically, and this particular teacher was really nice to me so BOOM i got attached.
I told my therapist, but she said that it was okay and if i felt that talking to her would help me, then i should ask her to talk more often (she has said in the past that if i wasn't feeling well I could talk to her)
So, today i asked her if we could talk every week/2 weeks. I genuinely was so scared, i was shaking and nauseous and i thought she would say no. She did agree to it, but she also said she wanted to help me talk to other people about my issues (rn that's hard because my best friend is unavailable a lot, my parents i never talk to and my therapist and i don't have much time to just talk)
Anyway, this feels like rejection to me and I've been very upset for hours now. Rationally I know I shouldn't be, but it feels like she doesn't like me and it hurts so much.
How the flip do i cope with this? It's slowly killing me, i swear

 

[Friday]

Anyway, this feels like rejection to me and I've been very upset for hours now. Rationally I know I shouldn't be, but it feels like she doesn't like me and it hurts so much.
How the flip do i cope with this? It's slowly killing me, i swear

So she not only agreed to meet & mentor you, but is ALSO going to help you broaden/shore up other areas of support in your life???

Seems like the opposite of rejection to me.

I’m wondering if it’s because of the boundary issues that you’re feeling rejected? She’s a teacher, so her forte and focus is going to be in mentoring & your academic career. Other people’s strengths and talents lie in other areas. Agreeing to work with you within the confines of her own boundaries, and helping to find others for you, with different strengths? As I said, is essentially the opposite of rejection… unless… you’re going for the all-or-nothing, no holds barred, one person is all things to me (or nothing to me). So if her boundaries only include PART of what you’re looking for? Even if she’s willing to be flexible about them, in the beginning, whilst you find other sources to get your needs/wants met? All-or-nothing thinking can make it SEEM like if you don’t get all? You get nothing.

 

[anonymousflower]

So she not only agreed to meet & mentor you, but is ALSO going to help you broaden/shore up other areas of support in your life???

Seems like the opposite of rejection to me.

I’m wondering if it’s because of the boundary issues that you’re feeling rejected? She’s a teacher, so her forte is going to be in mentoring & your academic career. Other people’s strengths lie in other areas. Agreeing to work with you within the confines of her own boundaries, and helping to find others for you, with different strengths? As I said, is essentially the opposite of rejection… unless… you’re going for the all-or-nothing, no holds barred, one person is all things to me (or nothing to me). So if her boundaries only include PART of what you’re looking for? Even if she’s willing to be flexible about them, in the beginning, whilst you find other sources to get your needs/wants met? All-or-nothing thinking can make it SEEM like if you don’t get all? You get nothing.

Thank you for sharing your view on it, it helped :)
Rationally i know she's a teacher and she needs professional boundaries, but it's just that i guess i sort of view her as a mother figure... but it is very nice of her to agree to talk to me, and i think honestly that is enough for me, especially because i think if i bring this up properly in therapy we can work on it.
also, it's not necessarily that i don't like her boundaries, it's just that I'm scared she doesn't want to talk to me at all. I just fear she hates me...

 

[arfie]

Rationally I know I shouldn't be, but it feels like she doesn't like me and it hurts so much.

empathy, flower. "transference" was a huge issue for me during my early psychotherapy. nearly anybody who took the time to look me in the eye and care was likely to become a subject of fixation for me. it didn't seem rational at the time, but at 71 with my golden hindsight it seems fully rational for the human psyche. we all need love and acceptance. for those of us who are not getting enough, the hunger factor grows immensely. kinda like when my body needs protein and but craves the processed sugars when protein is not available.

i applaud your t's wisdom in encouraging you to talk about it. it takes a village to live a healthy life.

steadying support while you work it through.

 

[Rhuby Red]

Wow, I get that it seems like rejection, but just about everything seems like rejection to me in the moment, until with some distance, I look back and realise all that rejection was something I was superimposing over a lovely response actually. But that hypervigilance can make us run away from moments where, actually, we are accepted and cared for, because we find it so hard to trust care, and we assume rejection.

Well done for reaching out to your teacher. That is truly wonderful that you did that. Take the batterings of your fear - yes, it feels risky - but don't let the fear turn you back. Like a surfer ducking under the waves, let it come, let it go, but don't let it stop you. The reaching out to someone who feels warm is good. And they responded with care. They want to help, and that might mean enlisting more support. That is caring still.

My heart is with you as you feel that terror of rejection, but you have courage in doing this. Keep hold of that courage.